Masturbating w/ Vibrator = OK, Porn? BAD. Double standard?

[Lonewing]

Anything in moderation us usually fine. But when people are watching excessive amounts of porn, then it is a problem. If a guy won't have sex with his wife anymore and prefers to watch porn, then it is not right to trivialize the woman's feelings.

 

In this case, however, I do think she's overreacting.

 

Agreed. The problem is, most women would define "excessive" as once, or "kept watching it after two seconds." Or something ridiculous like this.

 

When a man cannot maintain an erection during sex due to overmasturbation, then it's an issue. But I don't think either one of them is anywhere near this point...

[PlayingAces]

TMI, Lonewing. Didn't need that visual as I enjoyed a pleasant lunch.

 

I worked in the porn industry, so I'd think I may know a little more than even YOU do, penis and all.

[PlayingAces]

Agreed. The problem is, most women would define "excessive" as once, or "kept watching it after two seconds." Or something ridiculous like this.

 

How many women have you asked? You must have conducted a national survery in order to be able to use the word "most".

[Lonewing]

Most as in I have seen most of these posts on these boards being Women v. Porn. There are Men v. Porn, but it is a very, very small number.

 

You may have worked in porn, but still, telling me you understand the penis because of that experience would be like me working in a maternity ward and pretending I know the first thing about labor. I will never know the first thing about labor, even if I were to work in such a place, and I'm not about to tell a woman that I do.

[PlayingAces]

What's up with people today making comparisons that have no basis in reality?

 

Way off topic, not here to argue. I hope the poster finds resolution. Definitely not worth ruining your marriage over.

[CatchersRye]

So, I used to masturbate, INFREQUENTLY, to porn back in the day. My wife told me it hurt her so I stopped. It NEVER made me find her less attractive, and we've always had a pretty healty sex life (I don't think we've ever gone past a week in 18 years of marriage).

 

BUT, I'm becoming increasing resentful about her own "solo time." She has restless leg syndrome and says it helps "relax her". Well, guess what, it relaxes me too. I don't think people always masturbate for the same reasons they have sex. But I think the mechanics of what get men and women off quickly and efficiently are different. Yeah, women hate porn, I get it. But I still think there's a double standard there and I'm starting to get P.O'ed by it.

 

Thoughts?

 

My thought is this...you have a good sex life, alright, but how's your communication as a couple?

 

Find out exactly why it made her feel hurt. Was it because of a bad relationship before you?

 

Then explain, that for you, it's not about replacing her, it's about relaxation. I use porn too, but I can easily go weeks to months of not using it. Only because I have a well built catalog in my mind of situations I like. And that's why I use porn, for the situations not for the explicit performers.

 

I make it clear to my girlfriend that I will never prefer porn over her, hell I don't even desire sex from her when I am not around her. It's only when we are together and being romantic and intimate that my desire for her rises. But that's only because I love her and feel a connection to her that I could never have with porn.

 

For me, porn is something I do when I get a fantasy stuck in my head. Sure I can decide to go off and run errands or do other stuff that doesn't address it and no problem, but it's never about being unsatisfied with my relationship.

 

And I think you have to get that message accross to her if it's true, that porn isn't a replacement of her it's a way for you to address your desires when you are apart or stuff keeps her busy.

 

Work on your communication and also work on continuing efforts that make her feel beautiful and attractive to you.

[greywolf]

Thread has run its course.