last night

[MattTheStudent]

We we together for two years. I hadn't talked to my ex in two weeks. She and I broke up with a nasty fight(a little over two weeks ago) and she walked out the door and that's it. We didn't talk at all for two weeks, I got all my stuff out of her place after the fight, and she said she didn't want me to contact her at all. So anyway, I dropped a couple of things off at her house last night when she was still at class. When she got home she texted me, asking me to come pick up a couple of things I had forgotten to get. Up to last night, we hadn't been in touch at all. I am a recovering alcoholic, and I have been sober for over two years. I was on my way to an AA meeting when she texted me, so I said I was on my way to a meeting and that I would stop by after the meeting. So then she replied, telling me how happy she was to hear that I was going to meetings and taking care of myself. I felt that it was great, simply opening a channel of communication. I went to my AA meeting, and we agreed to meet in a public place afterwards, and have ice cream. So we talked over ice cream for a really long time, then we decided it was ok to go for a nighttime hike at a local pond. So we talked more and reflected on our relationship. In the weeks leading up to our breakup, we had both become extremely depressed and abusive towards each other. She has been going to abuse counseling and I have been going back to AA and men's support groups. We used to spend ALL of our time together so we had both lost a sense of ourselves. Anyway we have broken up before and we both realize how bad it would be to fall back into the same pattern of spending all our time together and growing to despise one another. So we talked for hours and decided that we'd stay in touch for the next couple of weeks, but not see each other, and not talk on the phone- only emails and texts. I don't want to get in the way of her treatment and she doesn't want to get in the way of mine. I really love her and I want things to work out, but I know they won't if I don't get better and if she doesn't get better. We have both had problems with depression and self-esteem lately, and I am really glad I decided to go back to AA meetings. I felt guilty after hanging out with her last night because my friends and family think I'm not gonna talk to her again, and her friends and family think the same. I'm feeling very conflicted right now because I am scared that this will just result in more heartbreak if we don't learn to take care of ourselves independently of each other. Any advice?

 

 

P.S. She said she had a wonderful time with me last night, and I felt the same way. Neither of us is interested in anyone else in any way.

[DBL]

Hey Matt,

 

Atleast you both recognize your problems and are seeking help for it, that is a step in the right direction. One of my best friends used to be an alcoholic. He has been sober for 20 years. He is a speaker at AA and attends meetings every day. He feels he has benefitted greatly from AA and that is why he is so active within the organization today.

 

I guess all you can do now is hope that your relationship with stand up against this set back, and maybe even grow stronger. Some people want to change but never go through with the process. So don't go astray. You seem to know your goals and what you have to do.

 

I wish you both luck with your programs and I hope you all work things out.

 

DBL

[hockeyboy]

didnt i tell you she'd contact you?

 

anyways..just be careful. you two seem like you love eachother but dont fall into old traps. to make it work, you both really have to want it and both have to work at it. a lot of people cant do it. i hope you both can. so far your doing everything right...good job.