just got really sad...

[kts]

its been almost a month since things officially ended for good. i waited around for a month and a half while he figured his things out and it seemed like it would work out. he lied to me about maybe getting back together and started dating someone new within days of saying that to me and didn't tell me about her. i havent talked to him since and that was almost a month ago. i just want to be happy again. what did i do to deserve this? its so unfair. i just wanted to try and work things out and he just led me on and then crushed me...i've never felt so worthless. this last month has been hard but ive been able to be happy but tonight for the first time in a couple weeks im miserable and on the verge of tears and i dont understand why. i just want to be happy again. sorry for the rant ): anyone else know what do with myself?

[Kit3runn3r]

Well I don't know how to help you since I'm the same situation. Just think that wherever you are there is someone here with same thoughts wishing I could at least be able to sleep. Sorry I'm not a big help but I want you to know you are not alone.

[LostInMyThoughts]

anyone else know what do with myself?

I went through a really rough break up a nearly 7 years ago. What helped me get through it was a combination of things:

 

Spending time with friends

Getting new hobbies

Picking back up old hobbies

Volunteering

 

 

The natural desire is to have the pain quickly end, and the easiest way is to get back together--but truthfully, the easiest way isn't the best way. Take time to help properly. You didn't "do" anything to deserve this. It's just the really crappy part about relationships. It does get easier. And FWIW, if he started dating someone that soon after a breakup, chances are he's using her to get over you, and that relationship will end up as a disaster.

[pippy longstocking]

oh darling

 

this is normal ...up and down like a prostitutes pants ..you have done so so so so well , so please

dont get to down because it has hit you again ...it will ebb away I promise you ..

 

what your going through is a normal mode of conversation on this board , out of nowhere ..bang ..you feel right back there and it will go again ..and the dips will become less frequent ..then they will just go ...honestly ..

 

there is only one pill to take for this , and its the one none of us want to swallow ..time ..

 

you will be ok ..you have made a lot of progress in a month ...dont be hard on yourself ..its just a dip my love xx

[Avila]

i've literally been there. ex jumped into a rebound a week after doing the whole 'i love you, i miss you' blah blah blah thing. he also neglected to tell me about it so i found out over fb. it's literally the most crushing thing.

 

but you know what? f*** those guys. as you say, you didn't deserve that. no one does. sometimes the pain is unbearable and you don't know what to do because you just want it to go away. you just want some peace and restful sleep. eventually that does come. this is the worst it's going to get and then the pain will start to recede.

 

so spend time with mates, do things you've always wanted to do, exercise and just have a good long think about things YOU want to do. time will eventually dull the ache and life will start to look better. try and relax and don't pressure yourself to feel better straight away. i don't think time heals all wounds but it does take the pain away.

[Cheik]

Think about the future, your own future. It's yours and you are free to do whatever ou wish. This has kind of been working for me. Knowing that there are better things to come helps

[mixhot]

keep your head up OP. its tough but the only way is UP UP UP!!

 

My ex of 3half years split up with me just over a year ago. she got with a LDR 2 weeks after our split. 2 weeks before that she wanted engagement and kids, i got on my with my own thing, and we start talking again, meeting up texting at stupid hours, while she was with him, he moved away than we start acting like a couple sleeping togther you name it, she goes to see him abroad he splits up with her and as soon as she comes back she calls as soon as she lands " i was away gigging" she sed i am the closest person ever to her and she wants to go traveling with me and told me to hurry back so we can talk face to face and work on US and sort travelling out, i hear nothing for a week. i get an email from my best friend saying he was kissing her and he wants to see her again, i ask my ex what she was playing at, she sed she was never going to get back with me and that we was only gonna go traveling as friends, i care for you!!deal with it!!!1 that what she sed.

 

now 5 month on they have just moved in together. he only met her 2wice before.

 

this is the hardest thing ive had to deal with in my whole life, but you know what, i will get through this i am gonna proove myself wrong. and you should do it too. i still hold a big place for her in my heart ( EFF knows why ) but thats life

 

stay strong

[kts]

thank you all so much for your amazingly sweet and kind words! this is why i love this community! people are so supportive and caring. I went for a run this morning before work and im having a better day today, not as good as some of them have been but better than last night! I'm really just so hurt be all of this still and i dont understand anything ):

 

I really just want to be happy again and I just want to be happy and find someone who will treat me right. At the same time I feel like no one will ever compare to my ex and that no one will ever be as good to me as he was (while during the relationship not at the end!!) its like a circle of wanting someone new but knowing that it wont be as good and then missing my ex terribly and be so down on myself. i don't know what to do sometimes ):

 

hope everyone else is doing a little bit better than me!!

[Avila]

I really just want to be happy again and I just want to be happy and find someone who will treat me right. At the same time I feel like no one will ever compare to my ex and that no one will ever be as good to me as he was (while during the relationship not at the end!!) its like a circle of wanting someone new but knowing that it wont be as good and then missing my ex terribly and be so down on myself. i don't know what to do sometimes ):

 

Word for word that sums up how i was feeling and the circumstances i was in. it's even worse when the relationship was a very good one and yet the other person let you down for a stupid reason. but they did let us down. that's what we've got to remember and just try to move on the best way we know how it gets better. it really does.

[kts]

ugh the cycle is the worst!! haha i can't wait for it to get better and I know that a big part of it will be me being able to get myself to move on and pushing myself to make an effort but sometimes it's hard and I just want to go back to the way things were ):

 

I'm doing a bit better but mehhh i just hate the way things are sometimes!! Today was better and I missed him a little less, although I was conducting interviews all day so I didn't have much time to think about anything else. I'm going to a party in a bit, I don't know many people there so it'll be nice to meet new people, maybe even some new boys (but then we get back into the whole cycle issue of comparing him to my ex which is annoying!!) I don't know what to dooooo I had a dream about him the other night and it was hard when I woke up. I couldn't get my mind off of him and be happy for the entire day. It's weird because I've been having a lot more bad days lately then good days and its incredibly frustrating. I'm trying to not wallow anymore and motivate myself to get up and and not worry about things but it's hard!! Any ideas on how to not sit in the sadness and to pick myself up and keep on going??

[Avila]

sometimes it's unavoidable. i think the thing you've got to do is realize when it's acceptable for you to feel down and wallow a bit (cos we're only human) and when to get up and think 'right, none of that.' and just get on with it. a few months out of the break up i'll have a good week and i'll be like 'yay! getting over it, want to date, meet other ppl yeah!' and then i'll have a bad week where i'll get a reemergence of feelings. i'll cry, i'll feel this awful sorrow, i'll feel angry and just want to be with my bestfriend. i'll hate him for what he's done. some days you'll regurgitate all the bad feelings. some days you'll feel bright, shiny and hopeful.

 

i'm trying reeeeally hard not to compare other guys to my ex. so far it's not going too bad. but in a way it's good because if the bar is high than your not likely to start going out with someone just because.

 

its frustrating but its a process. it's a test of patience. just keep doing what you're doing because little by little you'll start feeling better. just don't beat yourself up and keep moving forward.

[gtnovru]

It's not fair how we're hurting so badly, but they probably haven't even thought twice about us. They're out with friends, starting a new life, probably meeting other girls, maybe hooking up. How can we love them so much and yet their love is just gone like that? I don't understand it : (

[Avila]

i don't think their love is gone. but they have different ways of coping with the loss. my ex rebounded with someone just... ugh. it resounded loud and clear that he was doing his damndest to get over me and failing miserably. but you know what? whatever. you take comfort in the fact that you are capable of loving deeply. you are not fickle. but he isn't capable of that. he is to be pitied.

 

yes we hurt. but in the end we have something more valuable. we can eventually give that kind of love to someone else. someone who will deserve it.

 

and anyway. our ex's will be running around, running away from their emotions but with dumpers... it catches up with them eventually. karma. just know that it will come for them and you are free to look for something better. but in the meantime it's going to hurt. patience is what is needed unfortunately.

[gtnovru]

I really hope it comes back around on my ex, maybe that's wrong to say. But I hope karma bites him. And/or, I hope he comes crawling back, and I can reject him just like he rejected me. Do you think it's very likely that whatever they're going after now... new life, friends, girls won't work out so great for them? Because success doesn't come to those who hurt, use and abuse others?

[kts]

ttugrl but actually i want the same thing hahahahaha who knows what they're going through and the thing with my ex is that on some level i know he does still care about me. He told his mother that if he was ready to get married I'm the one he would want to marry and she also told me that he called her crying the night broke up. I know she wouldn't lie about these things to me but at the same time it's just so unfair to me to string me along the way that he did and it makes me upset to think about so i need to stop talking about it haha

 

im trying to be very patient but it's so difficult. everything that happens reminds me of him and makes me miss him. it's a never ending cycle. like ive said time and time again! im just waiting for something better to find me. one of my co-workers, who is an older Jamaican man and is the sweetest person ever, told me and a few other girls that work there that we don't have to find mr right, he will find us. I thought that was a sweet message and kind of goes along with the idea that when the time is right it will happen, i just want my time to come now though, im getting tired of waiting!!

[gtnovru]

Yeah being broken up with, them leading us on, stringing us along, hurting us, us wanting to be with them so much, loving them and obviously not being loved back enough... and then we reflect on the really good times and wish more than anything we could have those moments back, and it almost feels like a different life. And thinking you'll never get to hold them kiss them be in their arms again hear them say I love you... and being scared that you'll never find this feeling again with another guy... it really hurts : (

[Avila]

don't worry ttugrl karma is a ***** if you are. seriously. but in more practical terms it's just a matter of cause and effect. if a person behaves a certain way than they attract certain outcomes. think about it this way... would you want to act and behave like them? How horrible would it be if your were capable of behaving so horribly? It would suck right? and what do you think you would attract to yourself?

 

Hehehe. My ex is a very good looking male (I ain't too bad myself, lol) but he rebounded with a very plain, older woman (we are in our early twenties) who has a kid, lol. That's instant karma right there. He attracted that to himself. Instead of having a great girl like me he's settling for something not so great out of an emotional need. When reality hits, it is really going to suck for him. What goes around comes around... and then some. A workmate who i hadn't seen for awhile was talking to me about it today. she made me laugh when she said with fiendish glee, 'what i wouldn't give to be a fly on HIS wall when reality hits!'

 

But do you know what's even better? I know this is hard to believe but these break- ups are POSITIVE outcomes for us. We have been given a lucky escape from people who have treated us far less than what we deserve. Even though it feels like a punishment now because it hurts so damn much, once we overcome the pain and the longing, we have long and happy lives ahead of us. of course we'll find other men. i think this is an extremely good learning oppurtunity for all of us. we are now challenged to do better for ourselves. to find men who will treat us the way that we deserve. as hard as it it to conceptualize, there are men out there who will treat us well. we all just have a little bit of faith and find our optimism and zest for life again. you are all free to live your lives how you see fit. it's an opppurtunity.

[gtnovru]

Yeah I really do believe it'll come back to him. Like you said, that's what they attract. It just wouldn't seem right for things to go super great for him, somewhere something's gonna fail for him, because he's not making the right choices, not treating people the right way. I really hope so, because he needs to learn. He thinks he's done nothing wrong to me, so selfish.

 

Yes, my family keeps saying it's a good thing that he broke up with me, that a lifetime with him would've been no good. He's really good looking (that's probably a big reason why I've had a hard time letting go, I'm very attracted to him), but he has a lot of issues and bad qualities. So I do hope I can look back one day and say whew, I'm so glad I didn't end up with him! And I know I need to just focus on myself and take charge of my life.

 

But for now, it just hurts, and I wake up every morning missing him : (

[kts]

avila, I couldn't agree more that this is an opportunity for me to do whatever I'd like with my life. I've notice I have been doing that a lot more now but I'm still just missing him. That's really my only issue is that I miss him and I miss have someone like that in my life and I don't know what to do to make that happen.

 

I try and not think about it but when i do i have to remind myself that this is a good thing and that it can only get better from here. The worst of it is over and everyday is going to get a little bit easier and a little bit better for me. I just don't understand how to start to accept things. I want to be able to accept it and move on from it and become happier. That's what I have found to be the most difficult for me and the biggest thing holding me back from being really happy and able to move on.

 

Although shark week is helping distract me hehe

[gtnovru]

kts - Yes, the missing them and still loving them is so hard, isn't it? I feel like having the guy of your dreams giving you love is one of the most incredible feelings ever, and it's hard to be without it. Did your guy treat you badly?

[kts]

Thats the thing is he never really did until the end. He would sometimes make me feel really insecure about myself but it wasn't his fault I just became very insecure about our relationship at times. A couple times in the second half of our relationship he would just stop talking to me for a couple days and not even tell me why. and then at the end, he wouldn't talk to me for weeks and then asked to take some time apart and think about if he wanted to get back together. He forgot we were supposed to meet up though and went to the beach with his friends for the weekend and then when we did he told me he wanted to be alone right now and didn't want to go into his first year of college with a label. but he hadn't given up hope on the idea of us and that he wanted to be best friends and he was still going to try to figure out if he wanted to be with me or not but he didnt want me to hold myself for him. but then two days lated theres a picture on facebook of him with this girl. i tried not to think much of it but the i come to find out two weeks later that he was in a relationship with her...i dont know when they started dating but thats the gist of it. It's been almost a month since i found out about the girl and deleted him on facebook and i havent heard from him even though i called him that night and left a voicemail ending it with ill talk to you later...but i havent talked to him.

[gtnovru]

You're not on NC?

[kts]

no i am 100% nc. all that was said to me when we met up to talk again and then we decided to be best friends two weeks later i find out about the girl friend and i make the effort to go nc and not reach out to him at all in anyway shape or form besides the brief voicemail

[gtnovru]

Stay strong on NC. It's the best thing. If things are meant to be with this guy, NC will give him time to think about and miss you. Sometimes guys need that space. If things aren't meant to be with him, then disconnecting yourself from him is for your own good. My ex told me to stop texting him, so NC is definitely the best thing for me. Oh how I wish he would at least miss me, but I highly doubt it. He's a jerk.

[kts]

yea im planning on sticking with nc its just hard because i miss him and i hate that. after everything i hate that he still has an effect on me and can still make me upset while he's off having all this fun. its just not fair.