Why contact an ex after MANY years have passed?

[chiamaria]

Bleah, almost 3 years late! But the reason why I'm bothering to post, browneyedgirl36, is because your experience is almost identical to mine! So many elements in common. I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 months before he dumped me over msn (what a real man), kind of like your ex's 2-sentence email. Afterwards he made a point of letting me know that he had moved on quite quickly and was already chasing after other girls, and there were some vindictive things he said deliberately to hurt me or get me jealous. He really tried hard to make me feel that I was insignificant and that I'd soon be a distant memory. Sheesh, as if breaking up with me wasn't bad enough, he had to further put salt on my wounds. Also, at mutual friends' parties, he treated me like I didn't exist, so it really looked like I was ancient history for him. It took a while for me to move on because he was my first, but I finally did.

 

Anyway, 4 years later he sends me an email completely out of the blue saying that it's been a while since we've spoken (ya think?), wondering what I have been doing and "we should catch up over a coffee". He was married by then and I knew that (and didn't care), but he conveniently didn't mention THAT in his email. I was very tempted to respond and agree to meet up, mainly because it was a shock to me and I'd never been in such a situation before and also because I was curious, even though I had zero feelings for him. However, at the same time I didn't want to because I disliked him and he was married, and I don't think married couples should keep in touch with exes, it's just wrong. I was so convinced that he had forgotten about me long ago (given the way he brushed me off so easily) that it was a surprise to see that he hadn't forgotten after all these years. I'll admit that I was a bit flattered I thought he would have deleted my email address. I'd deleted his after all. I had already removed all memories of him, including photos and gifts. My mum told me flat out to ignore him (she never liked him, and with good reason, too). I was soooo close to hitting the send button, but thankfully good sense got the better of me and I thought "you know what, screw you, you don't deserve a response." And ignored his email.

 

Given the time he sent the email (1AM at night) and judging by his personality in the past (he could be VERY secretive), I wouldn't be surprised at all if he didn't tell his wife that he tried to contact me. He was a pretty arrogant and narcissistic guy and, as you can see in his email, he straight away decided that we should have coffee instead of asking me first if I'd actually be interested in meeting up with him. He thought that I'd just run up to him like a happy puppy the moment he beckons with his finger. The nerve. I feel sorry for his wife because she seems to be a lovely person. It feels like a bit of good karma when you've forgotten your ex who cruelly dumped you while they still remember you .

 

I'm also pretty much like you in many ways. For instance, like you said, if someone wants you gone, you're gone. I'm like that too. Sure, it hurts to be rejected, but I'm a mature person, and I'll find a way to move on. I don't believe in ever forcing myself onto anyone.

 

Maybe I should have just written back saying "No thanks, I don't like coffee."