I can't take it anymore!

[surething]

This is somewhat long, so thanks for reading if you do. I don't know where to start. It all started last year when i met this girl. I'm jealous of her boyfriend. But i'm not "jealous" of him, just the fact that he got the girl that i really like. I'm also really angry that she started dating him when she liked me and knew i liked her. Just thinking about this makes me rage. She apparently wanted me to ask her out, but i didn't know. So what does she do? She goes out and finds some 15 year old child (no offense to anyone here) and is still dating him to this day...9 months later. She's 17 now, he's 16. We're just friends now. I just can't believe a girl would go for a younger guy! He's tiny! And he's really, really immature. I'm 19 and she knows she likes me, but she's too involved with this kid. And she's been having a lot of problems with him. She never gave me a chance and that makes me feel really bad about myself. I can't get over it. The story gets worse...

 

Now she might be pregnant with his kid, and i'm helping her deal with it. She decided she can't have the child and turned to me. She hasn't told anyone else and she won't - not even her boyfriend. We've gotten really close lately. I've liked her for over a year, and i think i'm falling for her. I've never been closer to anyone in my life. She feels the same and said she trusts me more than anyone else. It just angers me to know that not only does she have a boyfriend, but he got her pregnant, on top of many other bad things he's done to her. I can't take feeling this way! That should be ME she's with. None of this would've happened if she made a move and did something to show she likes me. We're perfect together and i can't do anything! We have something really special and i can't be more than a friend right now.

 

I'm hoping she'll dump him, but i don't know. I can't imagine her not feeling something for me because of how close we've gotten, and because i'm helping her do something extremely serious. A while ago she said she wants to be with me but its too late, and stuff like that. I just hate feeling so jealous, so helpless. I think about her all the time. Please don't flame me for wanting a girl who's taken. She wasn't when we met and i can't help how i feel about her. I feel like a jerk but i know i'm right, and she does too. Now, i have to bail her out and help her stay with him once again. I know i have to be a friend to her and i want to be. But i'll always want more with her and i don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about how things could've been and i still hope that one day soon i'll be with her. Thank you for reading

[aireyc]

Hey man,

 

You sound really selfish. What happened in the past is over and done with. True, to you at the time it may have seemed right, but maybe not for her. Liking someone and actually going out with them is two different things. Also, her 1+ year age gap isn't much at all. From the sounds of how she's acting, she's probably very immature considering she had sex with a guy who doesn't care about her. Many people make that mistake, but all it proves is their lack of maturity. If I were you, I would be there for her. However, she got herself into this situation so she needs to get herself out. You're an adult, and trust me... you don't want to have to deal with a kid.

 

This whole situation is nothing more than a lot of feelings and uncertainties. Let her deal with her "boyfriend" while you can help with some of the emotional aspects. Be there for her and stop feeling sorry for yourself. It probably does suck for you, but you can't change the past, so don't worry about it.

 

Chris

[surething]

Thanks man. You're right and you made the whole thing clearer for me. I guess i am kinda selfish and i didn't realize it until you mentioned it. Sometimes i just need a slap in the face to get me thinking straight. I know the 1 year age gap isn't huge, but i hear girls usually go for older guys, which is one of the things she liked about me when we met. I guess i'm jealous of the fact she chose a younger guy over me.

 

Will she really see how much i care and want to be with me? I mean, will being there for her help help our chances of being together?

 

And i know a lot of its in the past, but the past is what brought me to where i am now. And where i am right now sucks. Thats what bothers me, but i'll try to forget about it from now on. Thanks.

[dannyz4]

Woah hold on there... all that stuff is in the past... she went for another guy because you didn't ask her out. You can't change that.

 

What matters is what's happening now. She is pregnant with another guy's kid. The first thing is, she needs to tell him she is pregnant with his child. He has a 100% right to know, and you should encourage her to tell him.

 

I would be very careful about getting involved with this girl. It could really mess you up. If she chooses an abortion she's gonna be pretty messed up, and she's not likely to fall in love with you, which is what you're wanting.

 

And if she has the baby things are going to get mighty complicated in her life. She's going to be dealing with raising a child, plus the father, and her parents. It's really the last thing you need.

 

She needs to sort her situation out right now and you need to back up a bit. Just be available to her as a friend and confidant but I wouldn't go expecting a full-on relationship with her.

 

Sorry if I sound harsh, but I think you need a reality check on exactly what's going on here.

[surething]

Thanks for the reply and you make a lot of good points, not harsh at all. A reality check is actually what i need because i can't get a good view on things myself. She said she can't tell her boyfriend about the pregnancy and she's choosing abortion, which she won't tell anyone about either. The fact that she wants to go this route is another long story. But why wouldn't she be likely to fall in love with me because of that? I thought that since we're getting closer and going through a tramatic experience together, she might see me as more than a friend. Especially if she doesn't stay with her boyfriend, but thats not close to happening yet. I'm just speculating, thats all. Thanks a lot.

[dannyz4]

All you can be right now is a friend... she is pregnant... I'm sure a relationship with you is the last thing she's thinking about.

 

She is gonna go through hell with this baby, so I'm just saying, be careful, because I think you're setting yourself up to get hurt badly.

[aireyc]

There really isn't a reason on why she doesn't want to be with you, it's more as danny said. The last thing she wants to do is get involved with something else. Be there for her now, and when it is all said and done, if she's smart she may come your way.

 

Chris

[ReadyorNot]

I'd say just be there for her.... If she is having problems with her bf then maybe they will break up soon... and if you two are friends and you help her out and are there for her then she will most likely want to be with you once they break up.

 

She might not be pretty messed up after having an abortion...... Ive gone with friends to get them before and I read up on the little booklets they give you and it said most women who have had an abortion feel a sense of relief afterwards... and if she is pretty upset and scared and doesnt want to have this baby then Im sure she will be quite relieved once its all over.

[surething]

I'd say just be there for her.... If she is having problems with her bf then maybe they will break up soon... and if you two are friends and you help her out and are there for her then she will most likely want to be with you once they break up.

 

She might not be pretty messed up after having an abortion...... Ive gone with friends to get them before and I read up on the little booklets they give you and it said most women who have had an abortion feel a sense of relief afterwards... and if she is pretty upset and scared and doesnt want to have this baby then Im sure she will be quite relieved once its all over.

 

Thanks everyone. I'll try to put my feelings towards her aside for now. But the thing about abortion - i know her pretty well. She might be messed up because she is anti-abortion, and i mean really against it. She spoke out against it in class all the time. Its really ironic how things turned out not even a year later! But maybe the relief would make her better like you said.

 

Its weird, kinda like its my baby because i'm going through it with her. And even if she had a kid i would still want to be with her and there for her. It hasn't scared me away or made me see her differently.

[ReadyorNot]

I was against abortion as well.... but when its you in that position and you are just a young girl with your whole life ahead of you it kind of makes you feel differently. If this is what she decides to do just be there with her... comfort her and tell her it was the right thing to do (only if thats what she decides to do).

 

Im sure everything will work out great for you. Just be patient and be a good friend..... but at the same time show her what a great guy you are and how great it would be to be dating you. I think you are already doing that with your support of her pregnancy.

[surething]

That makes me feel a lot better, thanks. I think she's learning exactly what you said about seeing abortion differently. I just get confused and mad sometimes, which i know isn't right of me and i'll try to be patient. I've already waited this long. I talked to her last night and her boyfriend got mad at her again because i called. I hope she sees how he really is.

 

If in fact she is pregnant (and she probably is) she asked me to take her to get an abortion, and of course i said i would. I'm also helping her take a pregnancy test because she's really scared. I just hope things work out one day like you say. I think you're right because she really does seem to appreciate everything very much.

 

Thanks

[pandorasbox]

From my experience,whenever I'm too nice with a girl she ends up thinking of me as a wussy and goes out with another guy that I consider a jerk.I would say,even if you do help her with the preganency thing,always keep your attitude coky+funny,and never give up that approach! because THAT is what will make her feel attraction for you,not being too nice with her.I learnt it the hard way,you dont have to