I could really use advice...

[Heretic]

For the past 4 years and 3 months I have been enjoying a wonderful relationship with a girl I am deeply in love with. At first it didn't even occur to me that she might be "the one" but a year ago I realized she was truly who I wanted to be with. I told her and she was happy, but she wasn't sure if I was the one for her. I never had a problem with it considering it took me more then 3 years to figure out, but recently she called things off. She thinks she should be sure about it by now, and wants to see if theres anyone else out there more compatible (or something she didn't want to explain). I truly want her to be happy and I support her decision but I'm very confused. Could she be "The one" for me without me being "the one" for her? Should it really take this long to figure this kinda thing out? Should I fight to get her back? Should I ... bleh I'm just rambling now... any advice AT ALL would help...

[Pengui6668]

the way i've come to look at it.. if she's the one for you you're the one for her.. that's the ONLY time she can be the one.. Look at it like this... how cold she be the one for you if she's not sure she wants to be with you... obviously that rules her out as being the one.. Give her her time.. but do't mope around about it. take this as an oppurtunity to do things maybe you wanted to do but haven't because of her.. join a gym, go out to bars with your boys more, whatever you didn't do.. you're single now, enjoy it..

[SwingFox]

Hi Heretic,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. There's no way to know if you are each other's 'ones'. It takes some couples over 10-15 years to find out that they weren't meant together and then they file for a divorce.

 

My suggestion is thereforeeeeeee that you just enjoy the time in each others company. Just beware of habbits, though. A relationship is a dynamic thing. Over years love changes a bit and sometimes you have to look for new challenges in your relationship. This is why she might be calling things of. Keep talking to her and communicating with her and asking what her needs are. She might also be a little afraid of commitment right now, too. May be she is not ready and that might be the reason why she is not sure if you are the one.

 

I hope that this helps you on your way and I wish you good luck in your future.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[acuratwinz]

I am in a very similar situation with a few differences.

 

My girlfriend and I of 3 years broke up mid February because of alot of things. I was basically very selfish during our relationship and had my guard up all the time...I didn't want to be hurt. Meanwhile her guard was totally down and wanted to be with me all the time because she loved me that much. When we broke up we talked alot about what happened and we decided to leave things the way they were for awhile, to feel things out.

 

She stared seeing another guy, and I started dating around again. The whole time we kept in touch, and we still had alot of feelings for each other.

 

I stopped seeing everyone that I was dating because I realized I had been stupid all those years and that I really loved her and wanted to be with her. She felt the same way, but was afraid of things returning to how they were when we were together. She stopped seeing that person as well. Now we're in a situation where i want to be with her, but she just wants to "date" me and learn to be independent. I didn't understand at first, but after having a lot deep conversations with her and friends, I have come to the realization that you just need to give her some space.

 

Continue to see her, but don't push her. Try not to get into conversations about your relationship, and your future together because she may not want to think about being in a committed relationship.

 

I'll be blunt with you. If she doesn't really feel the same way for you, nothing your going to do will change how she feels. You just have to enjoy the time you have with her; make her remember the times you are together so she can look back and say "I had a really good time, I like being around him".

 

Again don't be forceful and don't try to push her back into a committed relationship with you again, if it happens it happens, if not then it was not meant to be.

 

Show her that you can move on with your life without her, and she will become attached to you again. Don't cling on to her, it will push her away more. No gaurentees, but I know how a lot of women think because as i've said before I've had a lot of deep converstations with our female counterparts!

 

It takes a lot of finesse. Think about what your going to say and do before you do it. This is a very fragile time, and if you step over that thin fine line, it can be disastrous.

[gelsey]

To write that of course she is the one would be completely dishonest of me to do, and it would be only a form of comfort that I would so willingly extend to you if I could. I truly understand what its like to slowly fall into certainty of love for someone and have them smile and then revoke that smile with their own uncertainties. All I can suggest is that you thoroughly examine all the reasons you know she is "the one" and ask her to examine all the reasons why she is unsure if you are. After honestly discussing these reasons, decide if you still feel the same. If you do feel the same, don't allow yourself to give up on her until you truly feel deep inside that its time to do so because until then there is hope. Eventually you will come to a place of peace with or without her as long as you know you did everything in your own power to ensure you could have her. I take your problem personally and I hope the best for you.