SuzieQue Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Hello, I've just joined and have been browsing around the forums a bit and was wondering if anyone could help with a question I've been asking myself lately. So in the beginning of dating, the boy is the one who usually does the chasing, and the girl shouldn't put everything out in the open to keep the mystery. But what about after they've agreed to begin an exclusive relationship? SHould there still be some kind of chase or push-pull situation to keep things interesting? I'm asking this because I'm afraid that one day my boyfriend will get bored of the relationship. This is my first one (I'm 20, he's 21) and everything is pretty new to me. He however, has been in 2 other relationships, and sometimes I wonder if I'm doing things "right" or "wrong." We're apart right now (we met in march at university) so I think a lot of this questioning is coming from not being able to see him for the past 5 weeks. We're also both not very good at texting or calling, so we only communicate 2, maybe 3 times a week. And we Skype every other week. My best friend, who has been with her boyfriend for over a year now, talks to her boyfriend everyday. This makes me think something isn't right.. Should we be talking every day? I don't want to bother him, especially because he is very busy right now because his family is trying to sell their old house and need him to repair and remodel a lot of the property. Also, I feel like I should add that he's never done anything to make me doubt his commitment, and I trust him completely. I just wonder if there is something I should be doing to keep the relationship going... Thanks for reading and any helpful input is appreciated Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 stop comparing yourself/relationship to any one elses. What works for you, works for you. If you and your bf suck at texting & calling, how on earth could you be in contact every day? There is no "normal". You do what works for you. Link to comment
SuzieQue Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Well I guess I'm asking this because when I went home for the summer, I kind of had expectations that we would be in contact more since we wouldn't be able to see each other. When we were both at school, it didn't matter so much to me that we talked only 3x a week because that was also when I got to see him and be close to him. Now I can't do that, and won't be able to until the beginning of september... Also, something that I forgot to add in my first post. When we skyped for the first time, he kept saying how he missed me. The last time we skyped, he didn't say anything about missing me. I felt like he thought it was a chore... He just kind of listed off all the things he had been up to and the conversation was over in less than an hour. Link to comment
SuzieQue Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 SOmetimes I feel like I might be putting in more work to stay in touch than he does, and it makes me nervous. Like maybe I should just back off and let him be. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Stop acting like a princess. He's supposed to say he missed you everytime you are apart? The conversation was less than an hour? What in the world do you have to talk about for an hour? You seem to have arbitrary standards in your head for who is supposed to say what, how many times a week you should text/talk, how long you should talk. Where do these come from? Link to comment
SuzieQue Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 I don't think I'm acting like a princess at all. I'm not sure where you got that idea from my posts. I think I'm being very understanding. My friend who I talked about gets into bad moods whenever her boyfriend doesn't text her back in a timely manner. I know that if I don't get a response for 6 hours or even a couple days thats ok because he's working hard at home. It's not like I'm pestering him, or thinking oh, we must talk 2 more times this week. This is my first relationship, so obviously I don't have anything to compare my experiences with other than my friends' relationships. And what would we have to talk about? Maybe what we've both been up to the past 2 weeks when we had barely talked. I can understand short Skype times if we talked a lot, but he was acting like he didn't want to be talking to me and like he had somewhere else to be. Link to comment
alwaysmoving Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Seems kind of bad to me. Usually people in a relationship talk far more than 2-3 times a week when they are apart. I hang out with my boyfriend 3-4 nights out of a week, and we talk every day we don't hang out. I would feel weird going to sleep after not having spoken all day. If I were you I'd start talking to him more. If he doesn't follow your lead and initiate conversation more, then it's time to ask him if he still wants your relationship. Link to comment
SuzieQue Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Well it's not unusual for me to only text if I have something to say. I've never been someone to just text "hey." So maybe this is just what happens when two non-texters get together. That, and long-distance is hard, even for just a few months. It kind of sucks haha. Link to comment
alwaysmoving Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 Well that "something to say" might be "hey! how was your day?" Link to comment
SuzieQue Posted July 20, 2012 Author Share Posted July 20, 2012 Honestly, one of the reasons I don't do that is because I tried it with previous guys and it annoyed the hell out of them. So never again I've been reading a bunch of posts here, most of them not really relating to my situation, but they've helped calm most of my anxiety. I'm just going to let it go and see how things are once we see each other in september. This is my first relationship and I shouldn't be getting so worked up over it. Link to comment
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