depressed lonely teen looking for advice

[Decado]

Hey, i have just read all ure posts from the previous months, it touched me. i am still not sure wat i feel but i no i am in luv with my best friend (a guy).

i no that i am younger than you guys and have not rely started to think about my future in terms of sexuality but i think that this forum may actually help.

i no my friend is not gay aswell coz i just came out and told him (on MSN), so i didnt get to see his reaction. but he is still my best friend 2day and the subject was kinda ignored by both of us in that we thought our friendship was more important than letting it get in the way and silently agrees to stay best friends.

i am still obsessing ova him though and it hurts wen i am not with him but i think i will just have to liv with it.

[shorty4ever15]

Hey Decado,

 

Really, the only thing i have to say is that love is something that you should never be ashamed of. True love is something great. Even if your love happens to be the same sex, it is still love. Love can still exist without sexual activities. I mean......I love my friend, and I'm sure he loves me, but with him there is nothing sexual about our relationship; we are just friends (of course i wish that was different, but so be it). We love each other but nothing more will ever become of it than just being friends.

 

So....I guess what I'm trying to make of this is that considering your ages (assuming your friend is close to the same age as you), your friend prolly isn't sure of his sexuality. So I would have a great time together and give it a few years. Who knows, maybe he'll start to feel the same way you do. maybe not. But one thing tho is that you should be happy and have even more respect for him because he didn't hate you when you came out to him.

 

Feel free to PM me anytime if you need any advice or anything. Talking to people actually helps me too.

[James_533]

congrats shorty4ever15 I just read all the past messages from the last little while. WOW that was a big step for you. I know how you feel about coming out in a small town because I to am from a small homophobic town. What they don't realize is that we are normal and we aren't some disease that is contagious. When you came out to your parents did you feel like a weight was lifted off your shoulders? proud of you and WOW.

 

 

Decado I know how you feel but like shorty said your friend needs time to figure out his sexuality. Be his friend at least he know who you are and if anything should happen than it will likely happen with you in the future. I say that because he would trust you his friend. I have a friend my age that I Absolutely care about and have developed strong feelings for but I have decided that I may have to be satisfied with just being his friend. Which is fine with me because he has a strong personality that I absolutley fell for. I am going to come out to him. I too read this forum and decided to come out of the closet and have been met with more support than I realized I would. bye for now.

[shorty4ever15]

Well James,

 

I really can't say that I feel any better. Everything is well and all, but It's just so akward. I'm just so scared right now. I mean, I know that I try to give advice to people and basically tell them to screw what everybody else thinks but i just can't seem to do that myself. I'm really glad that by creating this thread I could help people, but unfortunately, It's not helping me with my problem with society. I really think that it would be better if I didn't talk with my best friend about it, but I honestly believe that if he was OK with it than maybe I could start to move on. So in one light i think i shouldn't tell him, but in the other, it "might" be better if i did tell him. But the thing about telling him is that if hes not ok with it than who knows where I'll be mentally. I'm already seriously depressed and I don't know how I'd handle if my friend starting hating me for who i really am.

[James_533]

Hey shorty. I would like to thanku for starting up this forum. I believe I said it before that it was because of this forum that I came out. You have told your parents and you know how they reacted. Who knows how your friend would react if you tell him you were gay. hmmm. Have you ever asked him how he felt about gays and lesbians? Have you ever asked him about true to life questions on a hypothetical level? They could be based at the topic at hand or a series of questions. You could tell him," A friend of mine has told me he was gay and that I need to know what I should do about it should I continue to be his friend? Really and truly I don't have an answer for you shorty. If is a true friend than he should respect you for who you are and not about your sexuality.

It is normal to feel scared when coming out because of the unknown. I have told the ones that are closest to me. I have 7 family members that will not have anything to do with me. I have 5 more that will have nothing to do with me as soon as I write a letter of resignation. ( I was one of JEhovah's Witnesses. I have lost all of the one that I went to the meetings with. the ones who knock on the doors saturday mornings). So I am willing to lose 11 members of my family to be happy. I still love those family members. All my friends have accepted me for who I am. I told the guy who I mention in previous posts.( boy was i ever nervious.) He told me he already knew. So maybe he already knows. Maybe you should wait and develop a support group.( people who accept you for who you are.) and than tell him. I wish I could help you out more. If you don't mind what is making you depressed? Is the coming out and the not knowing what is going to happen next? Are you worried about what people think about you? I was like that once and boy was I ever depressed. I wish I could be of more help. He is your friend and true friends stick together through thick and thin. bye.

 

email removed

[Decado]

hey shorty, i no that i am not as experienced in all this but i say this seriously. have you ever thought of going to a gay bar? i mean you're ova 18 and are allowed. i think that you may be able to feel more comfortable there.

[shorty4ever15]

Well decado, that's really not an option here....you have to be 21 here in USA.

[shorty4ever15]

Well, It's been about two weeks since I've told my parents. I think that now I can say I do feel a little bit better. Everything feels just the way it did prior. But, now I know that they would be OK with everything if I were to meet somebody.

 

Now all I have to do is tell my friend. I don't know why I have to tell him, but I do. I know that he will never feel the same way I do, and there is also a chance that he may hate me for it. But, I have to tell him. Does anybody have any ideas on how to approach something like this?

[Cadence308]

Shorty, when talking to your friend you first need to find out how he feels about gays. I would start off by talking about something in the news, something general, like the elections. Then steer the conversation towards something to do with being gay, like gay marriage or the ban on it. You need to find out how your friend feels about gays before you come out to him.

 

Another approach would be to ask him if he's ever kissed another guy or if he's ever wondered what it would be like.

 

I sort of outed myself to one of my friends over email by sending her an email about what's new in my life since I live far away from her. Then towards the end I said that I had joined this feminist activist group called the lesbian avengers and the purpose of the organization is to combat oppression of groups of different groups of people at different levels, esp. women. I'm sure my friend is a lesbian, though, so she probably knows that in order to be in the lesbian avengers you have to be a self-proclaimed lesbian, bi, trans person.

 

So you could tell your friend that you recently joined a group, such as mine. If you are studying at a university they have campus groups for gay and lesbians.

 

I hope my suggestions helped you.

[mgirl]

Ballys,

 

Good advice about the attitudes on gays. I might try that one myself

[shorty4ever15]

I guess I'm still confused on actually coming out to my best friend though. I know that he's not gay, but it's just something that I want him to know. I really can't explain why--I just have to tell him. I don't know how I should approach it though. Should I do it personally and tell him? Should I write a nice long letter and send it? Or should I write a letter and be there to give it to him? or should I do something else entirely? I don't know. Maybe somebody can help me out there.

[Cadence308]

Shorty4ever, I don't think you should write your friend a letter. Letters can seem so impersonal if the person isn't far away. Also, if you give him a letter then that doesn't give him an opportunity to ask questions and you lose all nonverbal communication. I think it's important for you to be able to see his intial reaction when you come out to him.

 

I think you two should go somewhere private where you won't be interrupted. You need to verbally tell this guy face to face. You should also plan out what you are going to say to him during this time and also think about ALL possible reactions and questions that he could ask you. Let us know how he takes it.

[Decado]

Hi, no1 has posted this forum for a while but i thought i mighte ask here b4 i post a new topic.

i love my best friend whom i love and i have told him b4 and we kind of ignored it because i found it embarrassing. But now i am getting an incling that he likes me too. i was wandering if i should tell him again or wait for sumthing else 2 happen.

 

decado

[shorty4ever15]

hey decado,

 

Well, instead of straight up telling him you love him. Maybe you could try to do some things when your together and see how he reacts. I don't mean just go right up to him and try to kiss him or anything like that. I simply mean small, subtle things. More than necesarry eye contact. Maybe a little more bodily contact. Maybe even wrestling around. (a very exhilerating, exciting thing, even if he's not gay....sry). Just take small steps at a time so you don't risk scaring him again. He might like you and just be scared to admit it. Remember, small steps.

 

Some ?'s. How is your relationship with him? What are some things that he's doing that makes you think that he might like you? How open is he with you? Has he any girlfriends? These are just some questions for you to think about.

 

I hope the best for you. If you want to talk about any of this, feel free to PM me

[Decado]

the reason y i think he may like me bak now is that well we hav been doing all those things- eye contact, brushing of hands, standing close. also, the thing that made me think this was that we had a sleepover at my friends house and we were sitting on the sofa watching TV in the dark. we had a foot stool that we were both using and i kinda just wanted to brush my foot against his and i kept it there(best moment of my life) and there were a few things like that. but nothing to definitely say that he likes me.

 

At the moment we are best friends-he is definitely my bbest friend and i am almost sure i am his.

as far as i no he has never had a girlfriend. we dont really talk about personal stuff tho.

 

It seems that you and i have a similar predicament- did u told ure friend in the end?

thanx alot

Decado

[shorty4ever15]

Wow!!! You really are in a similar situation as to what me and my friend used to be. Here's where you have to make a choice. This might be the hardest thing that you have had to deal with yet. The only thing is though is that you have already told him once how you feel about it and it seems that he was alright with it.

 

Here it goes....I think you should go for it. But only do it when you feel you both are ready. I'd hate to see you waste a couple years of your life just getting "teased" by him. It really sounds like it is something more than just a sexual desire of yours. It really sounds like you fell in love with this person.

 

One thing that I do want you to keep in the back of your mind though is that as close as me and my friend were....i really thought that he had the same feelings I did and it turned out he didn't. I still have yet to tell him, but I know for sure he doesn't. So don't be disappointed if he doesn't. I really hope that your friend feels the same way you do. There is nothing better than true love coming together.

 

Anyway....good luck!! If you need anything or want to talk...feel free to PM me.

[xbox_modding_freak]

I think you should be yourself. It's no big deal being gay these days it s like "He's gay is he *shrug sholders* whatever it doesnt matter* befoer it wasconsidered in america as a metnal illness!!

 

although some people are mean and homophoebic try and make them understand you are no different...Have you told your parents because that may be the first step

 

If you are feeling suicidal/despressed pm me /aim/msn me and ill try and cheer u up i have great jokse

 

As for now smile be happy and relax...Remember just because you might be gay its not the apocalypse is it adn im sure ure parents/guardian will be cool with it and accept it

 

-XmF

[Decado]

soz about the very long break in between my posts but i have come to the conclusion that my friend only likes me as a friend and nothing more But i guess i will have to deal with it.

i am rather depressed at the moment, and i dont know what to do coz this guy is who i wud usually talk to but i cant talk to his about his.

i wanted to know if any of your stories end with a happy ending? and i am wondering if there are ever any happy endings.

the thing is i cant imagine havin a relationship with someone i dont love and this guy is the only guy i have ever loved. So now i have to convince my mind that it cannot love this guy any more. It is SOOO painful This is the worst feeling in the world. worse than ne pain physically or emotional that i have ever felt.

should i seek proffessional help to get over this? coz i cant see myself getting over this any time soon

[mgirl]

Yes, maybe seek professional advice if you are having trouble getting over it. It is difficult letting go of somebody you like/love or are lusting after. I'm sure everybody here can empathize with your situation

[so_last_summer]

hey i don't know if this even gets checked anymore but i just thought i'd let you know that you're definitely not alone but i know how it feels to be depressed and feel like there is no one who could ever possibly understand the kind of thing you're going through. i also fully and strongly agree that this world and society is way to hyper active and judgemental and these days people can't even be themselves for fear of losing relationships or friendships. please know that you are not alone and that there are lots of people who know how you feel and thereforeeee, there is nothing to hide or be ashamed of. you are who you are and if people don't like it they clearly are not worth your time.

[hmm dunno]

Hey i dont know if this is much help but just wanted to say your not alone in this situation. I know how you feel 100% i feel exactly the same way.. Although im 16 year old girl.. im very attracted to one of my good friends and i hate it. Maybe im in love with her i dont know. Im not a homophobe but when it comes to me trying to accept i might be gay or bi it makes me feel so alone, i hate myself. Ive either been attracted or in love with her for 3 years now.. i dont really know which one and i have never told anyone either, and do become very depressed.

 

But this guy is obviously your best friend.. so you must trust him.. and well if you do you should able to trust him not to react badly and lose your friendship. Maybe just start of telling him you may think you are bi or gay and see what he says. I think if you are at a close enough point in your friendship to tell him u will feel ready at some point. Or maybe tell another close friend that you know will support you 100% and see what their advice is. You sound like a loved person and you probably dont know it but you would have many close people around you that would support you if you told them.

 

I hope this helps sorry if it hasnt, its just im in the same situation and havent found the real solution, but even though i havent yet, i believe i will and i think you will too. When i let myself look past the whole gay thing, i stop thinking about gender and think about what i want most in life. For me thats to be happy and the only way i will be happy is when i will love and be loved in return whether a man or woman, i just want a true, stable, comfortable relationship. im guessing this is probably something you want in life to. And although this may be hard to find because you are in love with someone that may be straight, if you give yourself the chance and accept who you are anybody can love more that once. But yes i hate to think of myself as being gay and i know you said you do too but im sure that you dont want to be depressed and closed up forever so dont forget to think about what you want in life and i think you will find a bit of comfort. I do anyway.

[Decado]

wow, it's been more than 2 years since i have posted on this topic. a lot has happened. I sought help from my skl counsellor. The thing is this love for my friends was just the surface...the therapt made me find out a whole load of other baggage that i'm carrying around..but that's another story.

 

about my best friend: We're still best friends but i no longer love him so much that i want jump off a bridge to get rid of the pain. I dont feel that way about him any more. It took months of therapy but i finally "got over him".

Of course i still love him, i think i will always love him...but that's something i have to deal with. He now knows that i am bi/gay (im not even sure yet) and he's kl with it. i always knew he would be kl with it, it's just i wouldnt be able to tell him without giving away my other feelings and making him uncomfortable.

 

It's kinda sad coz we are going off to separate universities and we've been best friends for about 9 years. I think we'll be friends for life...but the splitting is inevitable I guess i have to move on...it's scary to think how ones life can change so drastically when going to university. I mean everything you know is left behind and it's just you put in new surroundings.

 

I would like to thank all those who have helped me by writing on this topic, this place has helped me a lot.

 

Hey hmm dunno, I hope things work out for you. Love is the worst and best part of life

[BrightAiko]

i totally get how u feel, its ok..

if you ever feel like that with a guy it's ok..but i don't think ur gay..maybe bi-curious. but i think you really should talk to someone closer like a relative or...idk..lol sorry ...

well, if you can help me understand this a little more pm me!!

thanx

Caitlin

[flint1389]

hey my friend, I am an old guy and have been in your maccasins for way too long. Trust me, the best thing you can do at age 19 is come out of the closet and tell your pal that you are attracted to him sexually and romantically....just be as honest and open as possible with him and anyone else who matters in your life.

 

I did not live by this advice but I was in exactly your shoes at age 19 (49 years ago) and struggled like you are now and made the wrong choice. Don't do that to yourself.

 

You are a good person and being gay is not wrong in any way whatsoever. If I could live my life over, I would come out honestly to everyone and let the pieces fall as they may. I don't think it is possible at my age now because I have a family and a profession....I'd be fired in about five minutes if it were known here. If only I could be 19 again and choose COMPLETE HONESTY no matter what! I say go for it all the way, man.