SOOOOOOO CONFUSED!!!

[SecretLady]

Ok, i broke up with my ex of 5 years about 9 months ago. he got with another girl pretty quickly after we broke up. during the nine months that we've been apart, everytime we've talked he's been the one to contact me...when we've been in the same place together (we have a lot of mutual friends) he acts differently, he's just not himself and i can see so much love in his eyes. well, anyway we had a big argument in july and it ended with him telling me that "there is no reason for us to speak to one another." ok, so its been 3 months since i've talked to him and 5 days 6 days ago he sends me an IM saying that he's been dreaming about me for the past 3 nights. he told me all about the dreams and everything and one of them has some sentimental value. he says he was worried something had happened to me and thats why he was dreaming about me...but he knows nothing has happened to me b/c he talks to my roommate on instant messenger at least twice a week...can anyone help me understand this totally unexpected conversation?

[lady00]

sounds like this guy is playing games. he clearly regrets telling you that he never wants to speak to you again but he also does not want to be with you...or maybe he's confused. maybe he just wants to be friends again because he realized that he still cares about you. whatever his reasons, he needs to figure himself out before he talks to you. I suggest you just act casually...tell him thanks for the concern but you're doing well. i think for now you should just assume that he realized telling you not to talk to him was a mistake and he misses your friendship. Maybe there is more to it, but until you gain more info, you should assume very little about his intentions other than that which is obvious.

[MattTheStudent]

He's probably feeling regret about ahving treated you that way, and yes it does seem that he is playing games with you. Don't let him get to you, and even if you do want him back, do it on your terms this time- not his. Take care of yourself and trust yourself.

[melrich]

Hi SecretLady. Well I can so relate to this post because I guess right now I am in the same position as your ex B/f. I broke up with my ex of 14 years 9 months ago and about 4 months ago started seeing someone else.

 

Just lately I have had a really strong desire to talk to my ex and see her. It is not about playing games as other posters have said here, it is about missing someone who was my best friend. I could no longer have a sexual relationship with my ex but I still loved her very much and I still crave her friendship. You do not spend that much time with someone without being very intimately involved in their lives and that is not easy to just let go. My guess is your ex is feeling the same way and is missing your friendship.

 

To say he is playing games is just crap but where I do agree with the other posters is that you should only accept the contact if your are ready for it. In my case my ex is not, I have called a couple of times over the past three months and I ask her if she'd like to catch up. So far she has said both times that she is not ready yet and I totally respect that. I also ask her permission to call again in a month or two and see if she would like to then. She has said that is OK, if she had said no then I wouldn't call. I think you should have the same arrangement in place. Tell him how you are feeling, I am sure he will respect your wishes. Don't resume your friendship until you are ready.

[lady00]

with all due respect, richgabe, your situation sounds quite different from that of the original poster's ex. Her ex tells her he never wants to speak to her again and then later tells her he's been dreaming about her. Telling someone you've been dreaming about them is very suggestive and I really think that doing a complete 180 like he did is game-playing. It's really thoughtless to tell someone that you have told to not speak to you again that you've been dreaming about them unless you want them to think that you miss them. I think that that guy is at best tactless and at worst, manipulative.

 

You richgabe on the other hand have been totally respectful of your ex and it's clear that you just want to be friends with her. So, I'd say that you're acting very differently from the original poster's ex.

[melrich]

Hi Lady,

 

I don't think that you can assume that because he has dreamed about her it is "suggestive". I dream about my ex all the time. It is impossible not to, so much of my life was spent with her, so many shared experiences. We all get overwhelmed by nostalgia occasionally.