Hey EnotAloners Come On!

[Dinocaz]

Morning Enoters, its chucking buckets down outside in good old Yorkshire, but woke up feeling good. I have read alot of what is written on this forum by others. It is painfull at times to hear and yes feel what others are going through right now. 7 months ago I was at the start of what would be a journey through emotional hell. My life collapsed around me as I saw my wife of 10 years run to somone new. I had no idea how I would get through, healing was just a word, I simply stumbled from day to day unable to focus or think. I dreaded going to bed as that when the nightmares would begin and dreaded even more waking up. I recall how the pain would rush into my body after I had had a few hours tormented sleep. Somtimes I prayed not to wake up. I wanted the quick fix. Check out the easy way. But each morning I did indeed wake up and had to face yet another day. I recall writing on another site, before I found this one. I kept a copy of my posts, they were irratic, without sense or shape. My feelings all over the place. At that point in Feb 2012 my life was over.

 

Then at some point I knew I had to make a choice. To regain my life or continue in my downward spiral. I was loosing weight at an alarming rate, I was thinking more and more about ending my own life. I drank at random times , somtimes 7am somtimes 9pm. Wine beer what ever anything to block the pain. Then I stopped. I threw out all the bottles, cleaned up the filth in my house. And decided to choose life.

 

From the end of Febuary I began one of the most intense and at times painfull journeys of my life. I started working again, I began to push away thoughts of my ex. I cut out ALL drinking home alone. I had a haircut. I even took a shower lol. I then found this site and began to read and somtimes post. This site truly has helped beyond anything I could have imagined. Month by month I have fought to regain my liberty. I began to be a father again to my 2 children, I stopped crying. I started to make a few new friends. And each week the pain got less. What would drive me insane only a few months ago on hearing this or that about my ex bothered me less and less. I had wide swings in how I would feel. Somtimes I would crash, back to day 1 again, but it was temporary and each time an emotional crash happened I worked on myself to get myself through.

 

I was kind to myself during the pat 6 months, did nice things for me even when I didnt feel like it. I started to rebuild my life. Slowly I removed my ex from her pedestal, she was loosing her power over me. Healing and recovery are big words, but so important. It happens in small steps at first but then begins to maintain momentum. I still have days or hours where I get angry, where I find it hard to cope, but Im aware of this and i allow for this. NOTHING now can stop my recovery. Nothing my ex does or says can hurt me any longer becuase I do not allow it to do so. She could get married tomorrow have 10 kids tomorrow win the lottery tomorrow meet 20 new men tomorrow I would refuse to move from my personal point of advantage and would refuse to be drowned by it. I can not fail now in my journey of recovery its impossible.

 

What ever YOU are feeling now, and I know some of you feel you will never FEEL again, understand please please please that you WILL recover and in time (and with the right mindset and some attitude) you will regain your life and you will heal. I want to scream this to everyone going through a breakup. That the pain does go, life does go on. And someday now or in the not so distant future you can also feel like I do today which is blooomin great!

[pippy longstocking]

ahhh dino

 

come here yorkshire lad and give us a big hug ...I am a yorkshire lass myself ...hey

 

what a fab post ....you had quite a journey ..total respect for how you have dealt with this and got yourself back ..fabulous

dino ,just totally fabulous

[mixhot]

EYUP!!!!! yorkshire born yorkshire bred

 

 

Good post Dinocaz

[pippy longstocking]

EYUP!!!!! yorkshire born yorkshire bred

 

 

Good post Dinocaz

 

 

hey mixy ..we are having a yorkshire post gathering ..this thread has made me smile so much ..and that is priceless thankyou

[Dinocaz]

hey mixy ..we are having a yorkshire post gathering ..this thread has made me smile so much ..and that is priceless thankyou

 

 

ha ha yes that it be. Im so glad this has put a smile on your face

[Dinocaz]

Alas mixhot that is true, ha ha. But with a mix of Italien in me. Dunno which half is which but me accent gives it away I suppose ha!

[mixhot]

shooting star HIGH 5 TO TO YOU X

 

yeah its made me chuckle too

 

dinocaz i have italian in me too whoa crazy

 

to finish the saying off!!! yorkshire born, yorkshire bred... strong in the back....weak in the head!!!

 

that sums me up to a cuppa yorkshire T

[Raphiella]

Thanks, Dinocaz.

 

I needed to read this today. I'm in one of the 'dips' during post breakup right now x

[dasilver]

Fabulous! I loved this...Muahhhh!!!!!...........

[Confused8526]

I can only hope one day I feel this. As i am 2 months removed from the break up. 2 weeks from a semi reconciliation and then still being left for the other guy she was seeing the last 6 months. Every day the pain is worse and I too wish too not wake up in the mornings, but I do and I try to find away. I think of her 24/7 and dream of her (nightmares) every night. The most torturous time of my life. Thank you for this as it lends some kind of hope. Cheers to a brighter day and congratulations

[Pleasedonot5]

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one whom is tortured by dreams every night -- that I'm not alone. Not nightmares, but dreams of her and me getting back together, ways I could potentially fix things, and/or living happily with her. It kills me when I wake up -- when I'm left to think about things for the rest of the day.

[The Man Who]

What ever YOU are feeling now, and I know some of you feel you will never FEEL again, understand please please please that you WILL recover and in time (and with the right mindset and some attitude) you will regain your life and you will heal. I want to scream this to everyone going through a breakup. That the pain does go, life does go on. And someday now or in the not so distant future you can also feel like I do today which is blooomin great!

 

Some people get it right away, some don't. It all depends on the individual really. It didn't take me long to figure out that I had to change my thought process to feel better and move on. It beats wondering what someone else is up to whom you cannot control. If you get feelings and thoughts in sync then you'll truly become a better person for it, you will feel better each day that passes and then you won't even be thinking about your ex at all.

 

We all SHOULD learn something from each experience we endure in life, those that do, reap the rewards, those that don't, continually make the same mistakes over and over again.

 

Your absolutely spot on though Dino that people will feel better, if they choose to grab the metaphoric bull by the horns then they'll do it quicker than others though

[FreeFallFeelin]

Great post Dino. I'm at about the same timeline as you, also left for another guy, and am also starting to "lift" out of the darkness ...finally! Just a month or two ago, it still felt extremely heavy and like I would never be able to let go. But now I'm starting to feel some release too.

 

I know you just want to stand on a mountain top and scream for joy!

[Dinocaz]

Yep The Man Who strong and true words "Your absolutely spot on though Dino that people will feel better, if they choose to grab the metaphoric bull by the horns then they'll do it quicker than others though"

 

The battle can be lost and WON in the mind. The heart will follow. If we let our heart and feelings control us when we are feeling loss this only holds us back. Yes time heals, but why wait an age for time to do its magic ? Why compromise another moment of our lives ? Get in the right mindset, dont just sit and wait for time to do its healing. Get active, get involved, force your recovery to go at pace!!

[undercover007]

Thanks for the inspirational post... It gives me hope that one day I will heal from this break up.

[Dinocaz]

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one whom is tortured by dreams every night -- that I'm not alone. Not nightmares, but dreams of her and me getting back together, ways I could potentially fix things, and/or living happily with her. It kills me when I wake up -- when I'm left to think about things for the rest of the day.

 

Yes dreams and thoughts at the night can be one of the worst things to cope with, as it seems we have no control over them. And probably dont. Lo and Behold I have just woken up and dreamed of my ex and her bf lol. He was being nice to me they both were, it was a well screwed up dream, horrible in fact made no sense. But its how I deal with it when i wake up thats important. I thought on the dream for 2 minutes, wondered what it meant, then wondered why the hell am I trying to work it out. So got up, grabbed a coffee and pushed it clean away. Dont remember much of it now and dont let it pull me down.

 

You said it leaves you to think about things for the rest of the day. Thats where the fight is, not in the dream not because of the dream, but the reality of the day to day living. If you refocus on yourself enough times, and will yourself through, it does get easier to manage. I also found that writing really helped, I did it alot in the early days. Blogging whatever. Anything to fill the gap and process my feelings.