how to handle ex working at the same office?

[monicaa]

my ex dumped me 6 months ago, at first I wanted to get back to him and it took me almost 6 months to realise that even though I loved him... I love myself more. At first I called, asked to meet for coffee or lunch, and even though he was cold at first... he warmed up a little more.

I realised that all this breakup thing was tearing me apart and decided to make a serious NC because we work for the same company. All issues he had to deal with me previously, I forwarded them to a co-worker so he could handle them with my ex. I made the effort to start dating again, here and then, nothing special though... and he found out.. and since then he has made the work issues more difficult, keeping information, not answering important messages or sending as if "automatic reply" with very low priority. His attitude really difficult to bear, because all he says to my co-worker is that he would deal work issues with me later.

Anyways, I'm not resentful of him and have learned to forgive all the pain I was through, actually I would be his friend but it really annoys me because he sends his friends to ask about my life.

How can I handle this situation the best possible way? please advice

[sisterlynch]

I guess just be yourself and don't expect too much from him for a while. If his behavior is too bad, then of course you are going to have to say something to him.

 

If he talks down to you or you hear that he is bad mouthing you, then I guess you are going to have to respond to his words, but other than that a little game-playing is going to be expected under these circumstances and I think that the way that you are handling it is showing a lot of persevierence, and you are handling the uncomfortableness of the situation very well.

 

At a later point, try and make friends with him again, but you will have to play that number by ear!!

[Mun]

Hello there,

His behavior is a bit surprising. It sounds to me like he wants to have control over the situation. Control over you. Funny because he was the one who broke up with you in the first place.

 

I think you should keep handling things in a professional manner. You show him with your actions that work is separate from personal matters. If he keeps making your job difficult I suggest you speak to his supervisor. He should not be witholding information that is necessary for you to do your job. I find this very serious.

[kitfel]

I agree with muneca. Work is work. Be professsional and fair with him and don't gossip or feed the third parties. Like if you hear someone ask something on his behalf, say, have him ask me. Or if you email him something work related and he doesn't reply, send another email and cc: your boss. He will reply then, and if he doesn't your but is covered.

[monicaa]

sisterlynch, what do you mean to play that number by ear??

 

muneca, thank you for always being there for advice why would my ex want to have control over the situation? what does it mean?

 

kitfel, thanks for the advice!

 

sometimes I don't really know how to act, because he knows I still have feelings for him and doing NC in my case has become very difficult. Like, the other day my co-worker was upset because my ex wouldn't reply calls or would say "I would talk later on the weekend with Monica". So I had to call him and he said that he didn't receive some information we sent like a week ago, so I forward the mail requesting for his confirmation and he replied to me sending a blank mail with low priority.

Then the next day we talked about the same matter and I mentioned not understanding his reply and he said... "that's weird because the mail I sent had a reply message from me"... but in general the conversation was friendly.

All this matters are kind of weakening me because I'm feeling sad and even thinking if this NC I'm doing is the right thing, maybe he still feels something and is upset because I'm starting to have casual dates.

[Mun]

Hi Monica,

If he wants something with you then he knows where to find you. Until then keep it on the professionaly level.

 

What I said about him wanting to control the situation is that I think maybe he feels like he is no longer in control here. You are moving on ( dating casually) and you are keeping your distance. He doesn't know how you feel about him anymore .. right? I think this is enough to throw anyone off balance... but maybe he thought he had you all figured out so it is even more surprising to him.

 

Like I said : he is the one who broke it off. Whatever his reasons were maybe he is starting to regret it.

 

In any case the best thing you can do is to be professional at work. Don't second guess yourself girl, I think you are doing just fine.