Boyfriend wont kiss me...

[LanaMachel24]

My boyfriend and I are both 24 years old, we've been together for 9 months now and I can count the times we've kissed on my 2 hands. Not counting the peck I get in the morning when he leaves for work. When the issue is brought up he blames me, saying I'm not affectionate, and I act like I want to be anywhere but there with him. I'm DYING to touch him, hug him, cuddle, kiss him, have sex, but I do admit I'm VERY VERY shy and I cant DO anything. I'm afraid to touch him unless he touches me first or TELLS me hey rub my back or whatever. Is it my fault? I mean the only time he touches me is when hes ready to have sex...and even then its just that, sex. No touching, no foreplay, just pulls down my pants, hes ready, we do it, and its done. Then everything goes back to normal as if nothing happened. What the crap? Ya know...whats going on here. I just cant imagine this being ALL me ya know...

[hazel eyes]

wow Lana.....

First of all, you are not useless, fat, and ugly.......how dare he say these things? Why am I so sure of this? because you are one of God's beautiful creations, he took time to make us.

Now second of all, it just sounds to me like your bf is just tired of doing all the work for sex....

This does not sound like a healthy relationship....you are worth more than gold baby so get going!!!! leave his sorry ass, you can do much better. I know its easier said then done, but as soon as a guy disrespects me I'M OUT!

Hun, you need to love yourself before you love someone else, and thats the bottom line. Now dont get offended when i say that you will probably stay w/ him (even after all the disrespect he has showed you) because you are a girl and thats what women do, stick around and get emotionally abused.........so if you do then you have to learn to love urself so that u can please him.....but that will not be the end of your problems....he will still disrespect you if not one way then another....he has done it once and he'll do it again.

[SwingFox]

Hi Lana,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us, seeking advice. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I understand that you feel confused and hurt.

 

I also understand that you are very shy. That is a very normal human response and you must have space to be very shy. I do have a great suggestion, though, that might work as a start. Before you start to make love, ask your boyfriend if he could give you a massage. While he is doing that experience the massage and look what feels good to you and what doesn't feel really good. If you feel you need a deeper massage, ask him, like: "Mmmmm ... could you give a deeper a massage?" If you feel you want to be touched lower or higher, ask him: "Mmmmm ... lower (higher), please?" Don't forget to give him compliments while he is massaging you and tell him how good it feels.

 

Beforehand, I would talk to your b/f OUTSIDE the bedroom, though. Explain to him that you are going to try to make a change and that you have an idea now how. Explain him that you want to experiment, but also explain him that things don't happen overnight. If he really loves you, he will understand.

 

If the massage worked for you a next time you could shift to touching you. For example touching and kissing your breats and then take it further and further ... though, use babysteps. Eventually you and him will understand what you like and feel more confident.

 

I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck and lots of fun. Don't forget to relax ... it's not a match you have to win.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Tellin It Like It Is]

It is clear that this man has some sexual issues. Has it occurred to you (this is awfully blunt, so don't read on if you're gonna freak out-I'm sorry in advance) that he might be gay? It happens. A lot. To my neighbor, my friend, and my boyfriend's buddy.

[LanaMachel24]

Its strange that the massage thing was mentioned, just yesterday he gave me one for the second time in our relationship and it was awesome. I've told him for the last few months I will try my absolute best to overcome my fears and shyness to be able to initiate sex or just simple things like kissing. He honestly expects it should happen overnight. He knows all about my past, I was sexually abused by my father. My boyfriend also was the one who pushed me a month and a half ago to bring all of that out in the open to my mother and father. Things are very difficult for me right now, but I assume my b/f thought this would make all of my issues suddenly disappear, but it hasnt. It has brought all of these issues back to the front of my mind and life. I understand my boyfriend is tired of having to be the one to start everything and it isnt fair, but no matter how hard I try, I'm too scared that he is going to throw another cut down at me and it'll shut me down that much more. He doesnt realize how much his words stick with me and hurt. I know I have the choice to either put up with his crap and learn to deal with it and learn to be affectionate toward that person or do the smart thing and move on, and since I dont feel strong enough to leave him, I guess I have to learn to deal with it until I've had my fill of it. I just hope for my benefit, I get my fill sooner rather than later. Thanks again you guys.

[Zanne]

Try being with each other without having sex. If sex has been reduced to "Put Tab A into Slot B" then you are missing out on A LOT of fun. Just play with each other. Strip down, without sex as the goal, and explore each other's bodies. You say you're shy, but you're willing to have sex with him and touching is a part of that. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let insecurity hold you back. Don't try to arouse him, at first. Just rub your hands along his skin, feel along his ribcage, trace the line of his spine with your fingers, feel the texture of his hair on his body. Then you can start using your mouth rather than your hands when you feel more comfortable. Eventually you'll notice he likes some of of what you do more than the rest and you can learn to incorporate that into your lovemaking and foreplay. Once you've explored his body,make sure he returns the favor and takes some time on yours! This doesn't have to all take place on the same day. Take your time. It'll come naturally.