BF Emotionally Cheating. This story is the most interesting you will read.

[loveculture]

I just broke up with my boyfriend. I had strange feelings for a while about my bf and didn't know where they were coming from but I found his phone behavior odd. Yesterday he went in the shower and I found his phone under the pillow and looked through it. I found texts with females who he claims are good friends. One of the girls he texted and asked if they could talk on phone because he wanted to hear her souther accent. It seemed pretty flirty. He told me he knew this girl for 3 years and they had met at a show and he had seen her at parties because they went to the same school and that's how they became friends. I had also found modeling photos of this girl in his comp and phone that he saved before dating me.

 

He caught me looking through his phone. He was angry at first but then he wasn't because he knew I found things that could make me want to break up and that scared him I think. Then later, I looked this girl up and realized she had a fake facebook because I am very familiar with them from experience in the past, I put her images in google and found that in fact she was fake and the real person was a model of a different name and there was even a fan page on facebook that said for people on facebook to stop impersonating this model and making fake facebooks with her images. So, I knew my bf was lying that he knew her personally. He met her online. So I confronted him with what I found. And he denied and denied and fed me so many lies about her saying he had photos with them together but then couldn't pull any up on his computer, he had seen her with his eyes, said he felt bad for her that I would do something like this to her photos, said that we could CALL her, said so many things that I knew were lies because he is not a very good liar. I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me that he wasn't lying to me and HE DID. Then a little later he finally broke down and told me he lied and he never met this girl and he is ashamed that I have figured out that this person is fake and he has been corresponding with a fake girl for 3 years etc. He has been talking to some crazy lowlife impersonating a model.

 

My heart sank because he went to such great lengths to lie to me. The things he said were ridiculous. He was adamant, he tried to put blame on me and point out faults of my own to compare to his even though I have not emotionally cheated or flirted with anyone or lied and lied so much to him like he did to me, he was defensive, etc. He looked me square in the eyes and lied. It took me grilling him to tell the truth. He played it off decently convincingly too, but I could see through it. He claimed he lied because he was ashamed to have discovered this from me but I think he was covering his butt too so he wouldn't look like a liar.

 

Then I got up and walked out and broke up with him. He cried, he pleaded, he cried, it was hours of him trying to get me back. I told him I couldn't trust him anymore. He lied to my face over and over, he texted someone while we were dating that he NEVER MET in person who he talked to in text and on the phone for 3 years in a flirty manner (I saw the facebook and twitter discussions they had too) and said he wanted to hear her voice.

 

I couldn't find much in his comp but that's because he went and deleted stuff while we were having the fight and I was being dumb and didn't look to see what he was doing because I didn't want to completely start looking at everything like a nutjob. But then later on I did anyway. I did find in his facebook messages, him contacting female friends asking to hang out on various nights. He wrote to one female and started up a convo and said he missed her and her silliness and then said she was a cute one. She seemed to end the convo cause I think she felt weird I could tell. I found photos of some females in his downloads with her bra and thong on and then just her boobs and such but those were dated from 2009 but they looked like the kind of photos you get from someone who sends from those sex sites or sites where you trade nude photos. But I can't be sure what or who they were and he didn't seem to know and had no explanation.

 

After all our talking, he suddenly asks me while lying on my lap, do you think that girl really is fake? I am worried that he was asking me because his dream online girl turned out to be fake and it was disappointing him. He really liked her. He had her modeling photos on his computer, in his phone...I just couldn't believe him.

 

Then I asked him if I could look through his phone again. I went into his email on it. I found long convos between him and a girl he obviously met online who was from Russia. She could hardly write english but they discussed having a relationship, it seemed very involved and emotional in a sense but freaking creepy somehow, she put photos in the emails, she thanked him for the letters he sent her and she enjoyed them, and they seemed to be carrying on a long distance love affair but this was dated right before he met me. BUT, I went into his sent mail and found that he emailed this same girl while we were dating and said hi, i miss talking to you. what have you been up to.

 

I was so disgusted. He emotionally cheated on me. He scares me now. I love him so much and I had to leave him. I walked out on him and broke up with him. I was quite mean to him. He was a gentleman and walked me to the train, swiped me into the train, gave me an umbrella, but he was crying, defending himself, angry, sad, looked guilty, etc. I hope he knew he deserved it all.

 

The worst part is that we had bought tickets to go home to his home state and they were 360 each and he had paid for it but I was supposed to give him the money. Yet, a few hours before I ultimately broke up with him, when we were trying to work things out before I looked in his phone, he said he would pay for my ticket and I didn't have to worry about it because he wanted to stay together and work this out and still go to his home state together in August. Anyway, when we were nearing the train, he asked me if I had any idea about what he could do about the ticket that was supposed to be mine. I was just beside myself that he was asking me this when we were breaking up. I understand though. I told him that he had said to me a few hours ago that he would pay for it....so I told him to figure it out. He said that was true and so he would pay for it. I do feel terrible about this but I don't think I should pay for it when he was outwardly looking to flirt and who knows what else with females online, on phone, and who knows where else. He said he knew he was losing the best thing that ever happened to him and that he messed up. He called me a few minutes after I left him to say this again and to apologize like he already had over and over. He said he didn't intend to cheat on me and that he could see how this was emotional cheating. He said I was right about that. He hoped we could remain friends and that he could still teach me how to use the bow he had given me. He said he loved me and to please still talk to him because he will be lonely now that he doesn't have me. He told me he loved me. This was a voicemail. I have not contacted him since leaving him.

 

I haven't heard from him since that voicemail. I changed my relationship status to nothing on facebook and changed my profile pic from us to a photo of me as my profile pic. As of yet, he hasn't done anything on his end on facebook. I don't think he has even checked it yet. I have no idea what he is doing, but he certainly isn't trying to get me back. Which is interesting since he said earlier in the day that if I did break up with him, he would fight for me. I guess he isn't trying because that last thing I found which was the email, he knew was wrong and he knew it was proving beyond a doubt that he was looking for flirting, etc. with other females. I can only hope he knows that he was doing wrong now.

 

I am so distraught. He lied to me about other things too during those 10 hours we were trying to repair the damage of what I saw in his phone. I love him and don't understand why I wasn't good enough for him and he had to do this. He cheated on me in a sense. He lied and lied to my face and looked me in the eyes and lied. He broke my heart. I don't think he knows he did because I was so strong during the whole thing. I hardly cried. I am nervous now that he was capable of really physically cheating on me while we were together. There were small red flags that I noticed but ignored and now adding it all up, I don't think he really loved me but thought he did and also small red flags that he was hiding something. I am scared something is mentally wrong with him too. I feel dirty inside after the whole experience and just sick to my stomach to know these things about him. I had sex with this guy and he seems like a creep. A polite creep because all my friends LOVED him and he was a great boyfriend aside from these things.

 

I had also found a message from him to a friend in March (our second month of dating) saying that he was upset that he could tell that I was probably going to breakup with him and he could see the signs cause he knows them so well and that he doesn't want to be free...This was one day when I wasn't talking to him for something but then I told him what it was about that I was upset over when he asked and we were fine again. He seemed to have doubts about me though because he also wrote to another girl that he had a girlfriend and that I am a sweetheart, but that I am an actress so he isn't sure cause all us actress girls are crazy.

 

Did I do the right thing or does he deserve a second chance? Should I take his silence since I left him as him not loving me enough since he isn't trying to get me back? I am torn. I love him, but I am so hurt. This would be so much to get past.

[abitbroken]

Does he deserve a second chance?

 

That is something only you can answer. But you have to think about what happened. He flirted with another girl for 3 entire years, and only showed remorse when he was caught. If things had been going good for the past few years, what happens if things went not so good? Say you stayed with him and he or you lost your job, got married and had a difficult pregnancy? If he does that when things are at least sort of okay, I would be afraid of what he does when things are tough.

 

he also seems to have some deep issues with not being able to entertain himself because the minute he felt there was a problem, he is talking to others about you instead of talking to you about the relationship. Just replace the girl with parents, friends, other girls and you have a recipe for disaster where there is absolutely no privacy in your relationship.

 

I would continue not talking to him - good for you to have the self respect to break it off.

[jordesse]

Sorry Loveculture, it wasn't the most interesting story I've ever read. In fact, it is a very simialr story being played out every day, by everyday people. And it gets slightly boring to be honest......yes you did the right thing, no he doesn't deserve a second chance. Yes take his silence as him not loving you.

Move on and find a guy who is on the same wavelength as you. Someone who wants a real relationship with a real person.

[Natasha24]

After all our talking, he suddenly asks me while lying on my lap, do you think that girl really is fake? I could tell that he was asking me because his dream online girl turned out to be fake and it was disappointing him. He really liked her. He had her modeling photos on his facebook, in his phone...I just couldn't believe him.

 

In my opinion, this is the worst part. In the middle of his relationship falling apart, he asks this? That is so tacky, and it shows who he really cares about.

I know it can seem like you made the wrong decision since he was pleading so hard to get you back, but trust me, they ALL do that. If you go back to him, he'll just continue talking to other girls behind your back. You made the right decision. Now you'll be able to find someone who loves you as much as you love them.

 

As for the plane ticket, I don't think you should give him any money for it.

[loveculture]

Well, he does know that I was consistently texting today with my best friend and telling her everything that was happening. He and I may be the same in that instead of talking to him about my feelings on the relationship and his behavior, I complained over and over to friends. So we both are guilty of that. But you are right that if he started turning to other females when things are going good then he probably can't be trusted. I am heart broken. I miss him.

[abitbroken]

Well, he does know that I was consistently texting today with my best friend and telling her everything that was happening. He and I may be the same in that instead of talking to him about my feelings on the relationship and his behavior, I complained over and over to friends. So we both are guilty of that. But you are right that if he started turning to other females when things are going good then he probably can't be trusted. I am heart broken. I miss him.

 

Yes, you should have talked to him because its called triangulation. if you talk to other people it creates a situation where the other one can never win because they never know what they are doing wrong or what you are not happy with, and also it may create a situation where you are hoping that the third party intervenes in some way so you don't have to. It did not CAUSE the emotional cheating, but its just something to keep in mind for future relationships. Advice occasionally from a mentor or someone each is okay with talking about the relationship to is one thing.

 

I know you miss him, but that will heal in time. It won't feel like its a good thing yet, but the good thing is that you demanded respect and didnt just go along with things. You should be proud of yourself. It probably prevented you from a future with a guy who may eventually physically cheat, too.

[Miss Firecracker]

No, he is hopeless. One day soon you will know this is true. Don't waste more precious time on this person with no conscience.

[loveculture]

Thank you, abitbroken. Everything you wrote makes sense. And I'm not sure if he didn't physically cheat on me as it is.

[loveculture]

In my opinion, this is the worst part. In the middle of his relationship falling apart, he asks this? That is so tacky, and it shows who he really cares about.

I know it can seem like you made the wrong decision since he was pleading so hard to get you back, but trust me, they ALL do that. If you go back to him, he'll just continue talking to other girls behind your back. You made the right decision. Now you'll be able to find someone who loves you as much as you love them.

 

As for the plane ticket, I don't think you should give him any money for it.

 

Thanks for writing! Wow what you wrote was perfect and thank you so much for the advice on the plane ticket. I'm not going to give him any money for it. In fact, he probably can get a refund and just pay a small cancellation fee for all I know! If I gave him money, he'd walk away from this break up with extra cash out of it!

[Ms Darcy]

Set a small goal - 60 days no contact. I think with time you will realize that moving on is best.

[jumper11]

I agree with Ms Darcy - for me everytime 60 days NC always is the magic number and really wakes me the hell up Hang in there I know its hard, I recently experienced finding out my ex emotionally cheated on me as well, and the girl kissed him

[loveculture]

I agree with Ms Darcy - for me everytime 60 days NC always is the magic number and really wakes me the hell up Hang in there I know its hard, I recently experienced finding out my ex emotionally cheated on me as well, and the girl kissed him

 

I'm sorry jumper. Wow 60 days is a lot.

 

Well, he doesn't seem to be contacting me anyway and fighting for the relationship so....clearly he doesn't care. May I ask what your boyfriend was doing that was emotionally cheating? And how you found out?

[loveculture]

Set a small goal - 60 days no contact. I think with time you will realize that moving on is best.

 

So everyone is saying this was the right decision and he doesn't deserve a second chance? We only dated 5 months so I keep wondering if I hadn't looked through his phone if perhaps eventually he would have stopped doing this emotional cheating behind my back once the relationship became even stronger and better and he was more secure in it with me.

 

I keep wondering if I was doing something to make him feel insecure or if this has nothing to do with me but are his problems and demons. But that's a question no one can answer. We only saw each other twice a week the whole time we dated so I wonder if that put a strain on things since he always wanted to see me and same for me with him.

 

The girl he spoke to who turned out to be fake....well I had looked in his facebook messages and seen that in 2010 he wrote to her because they carried on a long distance online and perhaps phone love affair. He wrote about how he drove all the way to some place and she wouldn't see him and how could they be together if she wouldn't see him. He went out of his way moving earth to see this girl he never met who he carried on a love connection with for a long time. I just find this funny because he hardly put in effort or suggested to come out to see me where I live and always asked me to come to him to his place which I think was a red flag showing me that he was not that into me.

[The_Seeker]

I just broke up with my boyfriend.

 

Aww. [hugs] I would give you some ice cream but it's not that possible through the post.

 

I had strange feelings for a while about my bf and didn't know where they were coming from but I found his phone behavior odd.

 

Haha, always trust your spidey senses! Ha ha ha!

 

I used to not trust my body senses all my past 3 relationships. Now, I'm learning to.

 

Yesterday he went in the shower and I found his phone under the pillow and looked through it. I found texts with females who he claims are good friends. One of the girls he texted and asked if they could talk on phone because he wanted to hear her souther accent. It seemed pretty flirty. He told me he knew this girl for 3 years and they had met at a show and he had seen her at parties because they went to the same school and that's how they became friends. I had also found modeling photos of this girl in his comp and phone that he saved before dating me.

 

Ha, he's a flirt.

 

He caught me looking through his phone. He was angry at first but then he wasn't because he knew I found things that could make me want to break up and that scared him I think. Then later, I looked this girl up and realized she had a fake facebook because I am very familiar with them from experience in the past, I put her images in google and found that in fact she was fake and the real person was a model of a different name and there was even a fan page on facebook that said for people on facebook to stop impersonating this model and making fake facebooks with her images. So, I knew my bf was lying that he knew her personally. He met her online. So I confronted him with what I found.

 

Any chance you are thinking about joining the CIA? LOL They could use someone like you. ;]

 

And he denied and denied and fed me so many lies about her saying he had photos with them together but then couldn't pull any up on his computer, he had seen her with his eyes, said he felt bad for her that I would do something like this to her photos, said that we could CALL her, said so many things that I knew were lies because he is not a very good liar.

 

[laughs] A very funny liar.

 

I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me that he wasn't lying to me and HE DID. Then a little later he finally broke down and told me he lied and he never met this girl and he is ashamed that I have figured out that this person is fake and he has been corresponding with a fake girl for 3 years etc. He has been talking to some crazy lowlife impersonating a model.

 

Ain't that quite pathetic?

 

He defended his integrity and claim he is innocent. When caught, couldn't even own it at that moment until later on.

 

[shakes head]

 

My heart sank because he went to such great lengths to lie to me.

 

Yeah, be glad he is not your husband. JUST A BOYFRIEND.

 

I'll explain later what I think. I just feel like doing analysis because I've been cheated and lied in all three my relationships. So I can relate.

 

The things he said were ridiculous. He was adamant, he tried to put blame on me and point out faults of my own to compare to his even though I have not emotionally cheated or flirted with anyone or lied and lied so much to him like he did to me, he was defensive, etc. He looked me square in the eyes and lied. It took me grilling him to tell the truth. He played it off decently convincingly too, but I could see through it. He claimed he lied because he was ashamed to have discovered this from me but I think he was covering his butt too so he wouldn't look like a liar.

 

Yeah read this a MILLION times.

 

Are you sure your heart is willing to go through this again?

 

If you are, you're brave.

 

For me, I ain't going to settle. If I was true to you from the very start til the end, I expect the same.

 

He sounds like a hypocrite.

 

I don't care how long I've been together with a guy, if he's willing to pull that dumb move on me, I'm gone.

 

LOL My first ex and second ex wanted to stay friends. The way I see it, if you were able to pull a cheating and lying move on me, you claim you are a nice good etc person, couldn't break up with me so you decided to cheat, lie to me when I knew you were lying and kept on making stories, yeah I'm gong to stay gone.

 

This is why I move forward. I don't go backward.

 

Anyway going on a tangent.

 

Then I got up and walked out and broke up with him.

 

I expected that.

 

 

He cried, he pleaded, he cried, it was hours of him trying to get me back. I told him I couldn't trust him anymore. He lied to my face over and over, he texted someone while we were dating that he NEVER MET in person who he talked to in text and on the phone for 3 years in a flirty manner (I saw the facebook and twitter discussions they had too) and said he wanted to hear her voice.

 

LOL That's so silly. But anyway...

 

I couldn't find much in his comp but that's because he went and deleted stuff while we were having the fight and I was being dumb and didn't look to see what he was doing because I didn't want to completely start looking at everything like a nutjob.

 

Who cares if you didn't want to look like a nutjob?

 

You were supporting your evidences against him and the reasons to break up with him.

 

Holy cow! Don't ever feel bad about that. Sheesh.

 

 

But then later on I did anyway.

 

I totally didn't expect this. LOL

 

I did find in his facebook messages, him contacting female friends asking to hang out on various nights. He wrote to one female and started up a convo and said he missed her and her silliness and then said she was a cute one. She seemed to end the convo cause I think she felt weird I could tell. I found photos of some females in his downloads with her bra and thong on and then just her boobs and such but those were dated from 2009 but they looked like the kind of photos you get from someone who sends from those sex sites or sites where you trade nude photos. But I can't be sure what or who they were and he didn't seem to know and had no explanation.

 

You sure you really want to be with someone like that?

 

Read this a million of times.

 

After all our talking, he suddenly asks me while lying on my lap, do you think that girl really is fake? I am worried that he was asking me because his dream online girl turned out to be fake and it was disappointing him. He really liked her. He had her modeling photos on his computer, in his phone...I just couldn't believe him.

 

LOL I bet you a million of dollars he would have flown to see her if she was real and BEHIND YOUR BACK.

 

Guarantee.

 

Maybe not with this girl BUT THE NEXT GIRL.

 

Then I asked him if I could look through his phone again. I went into his email on it. I found long convos between him and a girl he obviously met online who was from Russia. She could hardly write english but they discussed having a relationship, it seemed very involved and emotional in a sense but freaking creepy somehow, she put photos in the emails, she thanked him for the letters he sent her and she enjoyed them, and they seemed to be carrying on a long distance love affair but this was dated right before he met me. BUT, I went into his sent mail and found that he emailed this same girl while we were dating and said hi, i miss talking to you. what have you been up to.

 

HOLY COW!

 

You really sure you want to be with this guy?

 

 

I was so disgusted.

 

Yeah no kidding.

 

Yet you still want to be with him? [scratches my head like a monkey]

 

He emotionally cheated on me. He scares me now.

 

Yeah, but yet you still want to be with him right? [tilts head]

 

I love him so much and I had to leave him.

 

Been there done that.

 

You can love again...with someone else.

 

 

I walked out on him and broke up with him. I was quite mean to him. He was a gentleman and walked me to the train, swiped me into the train, gave me an umbrella, but he was crying, defending himself, angry, sad, looked guilty, etc. I hope he knew he deserved it all.

 

No you were suppose to comfort him, and say you love him and no matter what he does you will be forever, happy. AMEN!

 

WAKE UP SISTER! Seriously!!! Just become a single act of kindness does not change the SEVERAL EVENTS that he has done BEFORE and DURING and AFTER.

 

 

The worst part is that we had bought tickets to go home to his home state and they were 360 each and he had paid for it but I was supposed to give him the money. Yet, a few hours before I ultimately broke up with him, when we were trying to work things out before I looked in his phone, he said he would pay for my ticket and I didn't have to worry about it because he wanted to stay together and work this out and still go to his home state together in August. Anyway, when we were nearing the train, he asked me if I had any idea about what he could do about the ticket that was supposed to be mine. I was just beside myself that he was asking me this when we were breaking up. I understand though. I told him that he had said to me a few hours ago that he would pay for it....so I told him to figure it out. He said that was true and so he would pay for it. I do feel terrible about this but I don't think I should pay for it when he was outwardly looking to flirt and who knows what else with females online, on phone, and who knows where else.

 

Oh my god! [bangs head against the table]

 

If you already bought a ticket and HE PAID FOR IT, PAY HIM BACK. I don't care what he says. JUST PAY HIM BACK. If he says he doesn't want it. PUT THAT MONEY IN YOUR BANK and if he goes "She never paid me back." Go send him a darn CERTIFIED MAIL.

 

You shouldn't even BOTHER going to his home state after the way he treated you.

 

No one is forcing you to go.

 

Yeah yeah yeah I get it you love him, you've been together for a long time, etc.

 

I'll explain more later.

 

He said he knew he was losing the best thing that ever happened to him and that he messed up. He called me a few minutes after I left him to say this again and to apologize like he already had over and over. He said he didn't intend to cheat on me and that he could see how this was emotional cheating. He said I was right about that. He hoped we could remain friends and that he could still teach me how to use the bow he had given me. He said he loved me and to please still talk to him because he will be lonely now that he doesn't have me. He told me he loved me. This was a voicemail.

 

Uh yeah, he feels guilty. That's what guilty people do when they make a mistake.

 

I have not contacted him since leaving him

.

 

Thank god.

 

I haven't heard from him since that voicemail. I changed my relationship status to nothing on facebook and changed my profile pic from us to a photo of me as my profile pic.

 

No comment. Just breaking your long essay apart.

 

As of yet, he hasn't done anything on his end on facebook. I don't think he has even checked it yet. I have no idea what he is doing, but he certainly isn't trying to get me back. Which is interesting since he said earlier in the day that if I did break up with him, he would fight for me. I guess he isn't trying because that last thing I found which was the email, he knew was wrong and he knew it was proving beyond a doubt that he was looking for flirting, etc. with other females. I can only hope he knows that he was doing wrong now.

 

Two words: MOVE ON.

 

You are acting like he should be like a knight in shining armor and you the Princess to win your heart etc etc.

 

Yeah I know that sounds harsh but wake up to reality of what he did by what I bolded.

 

 

I am so distraught.

 

Yet you want him to fix the relationship?

 

Yeah and still want him back?

 

Despite his actions and how you feel?

 

Cause and effect below this quote.

 

He lied to me about other things too during those 10 hours we were trying to repair the damage of what I saw in his phone.

 

Look at that. Cause and effect.

 

You feel distraught.

 

I love him and don't understand why I wasn't good enough for him and he had to do this.

 

First, hug yourself.

 

Second, are you being silly?!

 

Let me ask you this.

 

Did you cheat on him?

 

Did you lie to him?

 

Did you steal anything from him?

 

If you answered ALL OF THIS with 3 no's you won tic-tac-toe.

 

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM.

 

Are you kidding me about why he had to do this?

 

He find the other woman cute/attractive/etc or whatever what you posted. He wants and likes attention.

 

And you want to be with him?!

 

 

He cheated on me in a sense. He lied and lied to my face and looked me in the eyes and lied. He broke my heart. I don't think he knows he did because I was so strong during the whole thing. I hardly cried. I am nervous now that he was capable of really physically cheating on me while we were together. There were small red flags that I noticed but ignored and now adding it all up, I don't think he really loved me but thought he did and also small red flags that he was hiding something. I am scared something is mentally wrong with him too. I feel dirty inside after the whole experience and just sick to my stomach to know these things about him. I had sex with this guy and he seems like a creep. A polite creep because all my friends LOVED him and he was a great boyfriend aside from these things.

 

Read this a million of times.

 

YOU sure you want to be with a man like that?

 

I had also found a message from him to a friend in March (our second month of dating) saying that he was upset that he could tell that I was probably going to breakup with him and he could see the signs cause he knows them so well and that he doesn't want to be free...This was one day when I wasn't talking to him for something but then I told him what it was about that I was upset over when he asked and we were fine again. He seemed to have doubts about me though because he also wrote to another girl that he had a girlfriend and that I am a sweetheart, but that I am an actress so he isn't sure cause all us actress girls are crazy.

 

[yawns] excuses excuses excuses

 

YOU really sure you want to be with him?

 

Did I do the right thing or does he deserve a second chance?

 

Are you kidding me?

 

YOU DID THE MOST PERFECT THING.

 

You MADE the decision FOR YOURSELF.

 

Forgive me if I sound harsh in my advice I'm going to give you.

 

Do you know what you want in your love life/relationship life/family life/friend and social life? If you do, THEN ACT ON them.

 

Do you know what you need in your love life/relationship life/ family life/friend and social life? If you do, THEN AT ON them.

 

In other words, BE ASSERTIVE of WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU ARE, AND WHAT YOU CAN DO.

 

You are being wishy washy with what you want and need in your life.

 

PLEASE take the time to reflect about yourself and you will learn more about yourself as you go through out life.

 

I learned the difficult way and wish someone told me what I told you.

 

Also when it comes to being with someone,

 

YOU DON'T WANT A PERSON who's going to accept YOU for WHO YOU ARE. For example, if you are cheater, do you expect a man to still want to be with you constantly every time you cheat? HELL NO.

 

What you want and need in a man is someone is CRAZY PASSIONATE about you AND WOULDN'T EVER EVER want to hurt you in anyway. He can't stand without hearing your voice throughout the day. He wants to know how your day was. In other words, that man is CONSISTENT. He would rather die than lie or hurt or cheat you because you are a good person.

 

The only person who doesn't know that is YOU.

 

You need to reflect on yourself every hour every day or whenever.

 

Why? So you KNOW your SELF-WORTH.

 

Apparently you don't because you're willing to accept this behavior, this negativity, this EX of yours back in your life.

 

Do you really want to live in a SUPERFICIAL life? Or do you want to live a LIFE that is MEANINGFUL full of LAUGHTER, PEACE, AND HAPPINESS for yourself?

 

If you want a SUPERFICIAL LIFE, then go back to him.

 

If you want a DIFFERENT LIFE, then MAKE IT happen WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

 

Anything can happen. But it starts WITH YOU FIRST.

 

I had friends and exes who were superficial in my lifetime. But I learned in the past 2 or 3 years that is not what i want and need. I am a reliable person and a good person. People take advantage of that because I allow it.

 

I was stupid for not realizing my self-worth.

 

A month ago I did. Thank god I changed my attitude of life.

 

Those friends who are superficial, are contacting me [because I changed my number ;] due to losing my phone in the snow] by email asking me how I am and that they miss me and haven't heard from me. You know what I did? I deleted the email.

 

My used to be friend who I was supposed to go shopping with didn't let me know if she couldn't make it on that day. I texted her [yeah i hate texting so i changed my way of communication about in early June] asking her if she could make it since she was suppose to let me know. She didn' tget back to me until 11PM and told me she couldn't make it. If I didn't contact her I would have WAITED and WAITED instead of going shopping for new clothes that I needed.

 

Few days ago, she contacted me about hanging out etc. What did I do? I deleted her message. She already knew what she did.

 

I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN.

 

I know posters will tell me "Oh Seeker you should be the bigger person and tell her you don't want to be her friend anymore etc etc."

 

Trust me, I've been going through this life of mine as a reliable friend that values friendship. I learned that if you don't value my friendship, I shouldn't value yours and I don't want you to be my friend.

 

If they asked me to my face, I would say "I am not going to feel sorry for saying this. I don't want to be your friend. I know that I am a good friend but I always end up being your back burner when you're bored. I'm sick of it, and I'm done. Please delete my number and leave me alone." Yup sometimes standing isn't easy but you gotta do it.

 

 

Should I take his silence since I left him as him not loving me enough since he isn't trying to get me back? I am torn. I love him, but I am so hurt. This would be so much to get past.

 

Uh yeah!

 

Reread what i posted. More like a novel post.

 

Anyway, YOU DON'T WANT A MAN LIKE THAT who is CAPABLE of DOING that BEFORE/DURING/AFTER your relationship. When it's a REPEATED HISTORY/HABIT/BEHAVIOR whatever you wanna call it.

 

Don't SETTLE for WHAT YOU DON'T WANT AND NEED for a MAN like THAT.

 

Darling, you just need TIME, LOVE, and TENDERNESS.

 

But trust me IF YOU HAD MY ATTITUDE, you would gotten over him in 5 minutes. Look at my dating patterns and breaking patterns. ;] It would make you chuckle.

 

1st Boyfriend = Got exclusive by the first date = 10 months = got over him in 2 weeks

2nd Boyfriend = Got exclusive by the second date = 1 week

3rd Boyfriend aka CURRENT EX = Got exclusive the third date = 7 months = got over him in 5 minutes

 

LOL Yeah number of dates = number position my boyfriend is in. So funny! I'm changing the way I date. Funny how you reflect on things and set a new one.

 

Anyhoo, you see how I got over them quickly?

 

I had my mindset like this:

- I'm a good person.

- There are a lot of STRAIGHT MEN for ME on this planet.

- I got a job/my own place/etc by myself. I didn't rely a man to get it for me.

- I am ENOUGH. Take me or leave me. I DON'T CARE.

- I know what I want in my life and need in my life. So I'm going to go get it.

- When it comes to love life, I'm going to be authentic. I'm not going to play by the stupid rules. Be real about who you are, if the person doesn't like it, they can leave.

- I never cheated, lied, or stole anything from my ex. He couldn't handle the relationship. Not my problem. Time to find me a new guy. ;]

- I will never rationalize ANYONE'S BEHAVIOR. I will VOICE myself if someone did something I didn't like and stand by it. If it happens again, I move on to the next. Whether it's family relationship/love relationship/friendship

 

That's HOW YOU MOVE ON.

 

You need to find what works for you.

 

When my current ex broke up with me, I signed up on POF and Match. Went on a dating field again. Currently dating a guy who treats me better than all of my exes so far. LOL No I'm not exclusive with him yet. Been two dates so far. But WE COMMUNICATE consistently, which is really nice to have.

 

So PRETTY YOURSELF UP, MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE, and HAVE AN ADVENTURE OF YOUR LIFE instead of GOING BACK TO THE PAST because YOU ARE AFRIAD TO START OVER AGAIN.

 

The reason for caps is because I want you to remember.

 

Sorry for the long post. I'm quite passionate when I explain my reasonings etc.

 

Sorry if I sounded harsh a lot in this post. Just wanted you to BECOME BETTER.

 

Good luck, love!

[Ms Darcy]

You only dated this guy for five months.

 

You really need to look at your self-esteem and start thinking about why you would want someone who would treat you like such a fool.

[loveculture]

Wow thank you for all you wrote. I laughed at a lot of your comments. And yes, you are right, he was a ridiculous and hilarious liar. In the moment when he was talking, I actually wanted to smile and smirk and laugh and had to fight the feeling.

 

Everything you wrote was really helpful and inspiring and uplifting for me. Thank you so so much.

 

The one thing that I am stuck on with what you wrote is that you wrote that if the person you are dating has done something wrong, you said you give them once more chance and if it happens again, you leave. Well, I wonder if I should have at least given him one more chance and then if I found something else, left him. At least to see if he really would have worked hard and changed like he kept saying he would that day.

 

This part that you wrote:

 

"What you want and need in a man is someone is CRAZY PASSIONATE about you AND WOULDN'T EVER EVER want to hurt you in anyway. He can't stand without hearing your voice throughout the day. He wants to know how your day was. In other words, that man is CONSISTENT. He would rather die than lie or hurt or cheat you because you are a good person."

 

I absolutely agree and this is what I want. You are right about this.

 

 

 

Well, since we broke up, he hasn't change his facebook profile picture of the two of us or taken down the "in a relationship" status on his page even though he has updated his status twice now with song quotes pertaining to the break up. I have already changed my pic and taken down the relationship status. I don't understand why he hasn't done this yet.

 

I still have not spoken to him since leaving him. He finally called me yesterday around 6pm and left a voicemail. He said that he had been working double shifts the last two days and was on his way to his night job. Said he called to tell me that he saw I left my phone charger at his place and that I may need it. Said he managed to make 700 this weekend from working. Said he was about to take a nap. Said it was good to keep working to keep busy and not think about things. Said he wanted to remind me to text my boss about my pay check (because he hasn't paid me since I was let go). Told me in voicemail what my birthday present was that he was waiting on that was on back order. Said he didn't know when it would come in but when it did, he wouldn't be able to use it so he said if I don't want to see him, he could mail the gift to my place. Said he hoped I was having a great day. And then ended with saying that he would talk to me when he talked to me.

 

I'm not sure what to think of the voicemail.

 

For some reason I have no problems with talking to him again and being friends and friendly. He is a nice guy to friends and I wouldn't mind being his friend. He's just not cut out for a relationship because of all his issues. It seems he would be ok with being friends as well. I am a forgiving person and a good person and I don't want to just cut him out completely. I learned a lot from this relationship and I hope he has also. Perhaps after some time has passed of some space and no contact, we can have a small friendliness. Who knows. But I don't see a problem with it if we did. The only thing that worries me about being nice to him and friendly is that he may see what he did to me as being ok and then do it to another poor girl. But whatever, that's his mistake again if he does.

 

It looks like I may have to speak to him anyway because I do have some things of his. So, I'm not sure what to do right now....wait a week before I contact him? I don't know how long to wait before it's ok and appropriate for me to speak to him.

[abitbroken]

So everyone is saying this was the right decision and he doesn't deserve a second chance? We only dated 5 months so I keep wondering if I hadn't looked through his phone if perhaps eventually he would have stopped doing this emotional cheating behind my back once the relationship became even stronger and better and he was more secure in it with me.

 

(

 

People put their best foot forward in the first months of a relationship. If he was lying and cheating already, it is not a good sign of things to come when he "lets his hair down" so to speak. When we meet someone, sometimes it takes 2 dates, sometimes it takes 6 months to realize that this person is not for us.

 

There is a BIG difference between two people meeting, and one or both casually dating others in the beginning, and then deciding to go exclusive shortly after. it would have been okay if in the first month for him to have gone on other dates so long as you were both not having sex and not under the impression there was exclusiveness, then pairing off. But you were "exclusive" and communicating secretly with women on text and the internet shows that he is sneaky or thinks he is pulling one over on you.

 

BTW, you did nothing to make him insecure. A healthy response to not seeing someone enough is to make your time quality and if he can't stand being by himself for a minute - there are good books, pick up basketball games to play, and friends to visit - not cheating!

[The_Seeker]

Wow thank you for all you wrote.

 

You're welcome. I was going on a tangent.

 

 

I laughed at a lot of your comments.

 

Yeah I get that a lot in real life. LOL

 

And yes, you are right, he was a ridiculous and hilarious liar.

 

Of course I am. I'm 100% right.

 

In the moment when he was talking, I actually wanted to smile and smirk and laugh and had to fight the feeling.

 

No comment. Just breaking parts of your message.

 

Everything you wrote was really helpful and inspiring and uplifting for me. Thank you so so much.

 

In that case, take it to good use in your life RIGHT NOW.

 

The one thing that I am stuck on with what you wrote is that you wrote that if the person you are dating has done something wrong, you said you give them once more chance and if it happens again, you leave.

 

Can you copy and paste which part of that quote? I don't see where I said that when I read my post.

 

Well, I wonder if I should have at least given him one more chance and then if I found something else, left him. At least to see if he really would have worked hard and changed like he kept saying he would that day.

 

Uh, you're kidding right?

 

That's like United States agreeing to keep Bin Laden or Hitler alive so he can kill more people and dictate and ruin people's lives who are innocent and had their lives stolen from them.

 

You really want him to steal your LIFE aka ENERGY/FEELINGS, then go right ahead.

 

I just feel bad for the next guy whose going to think "What the heck? She's such an amazing girl. Why the underworld is she still keeping her EX as a FRIEND in her life?"

 

It's like keeping a MURDERER/CRIMINAL/CHILD MOLESTER in your life that caused harmed to your family or you. Yeah I know it's a bit extreme. But THINK ABOUT IT.

 

 

This part that you wrote:

 

"What you want and need in a man is someone is CRAZY PASSIONATE about you AND WOULDN'T EVER EVER want to hurt you in anyway. He can't stand without hearing your voice throughout the day. He wants to know how your day was. In other words, that man is CONSISTENT. He would rather die than lie or hurt or cheat you because you are a good person."

 

I absolutely agree and this is what I want. You are right about this.

 

Then GO GET HIM. If you DON'T MOVE FORWARD, you're STUCK IN THE PAST with the EX.

 

Well, since we broke up, he hasn't change his facebook profile picture of the two of us or taken down the "in a relationship" status on his page even though he has updated his status twice now with song quotes pertaining to the break up. I have already changed my pic and taken down the relationship status. I don't understand why he hasn't done this yet.

 

This is a part where I say something really harsh to you but I can't because I will get "infraction points" and posters going "OMG Seeker, you're so mean."

 

Seriously, STOP RATIONALIZING his BEHAVIOR.

 

He CHOOSES to DO THAT.

 

What do YOU EXPECT?

 

In my previous post, I told you don't rationalize people's behavior or actions.

 

You CHOOSE WHAT TO DO after the EFFECT of the CAUSE.

 

Do you STAY or do you GO?

 

I say PASS GO and COLLECT YOUR THOUGHTS/FEELINGS/PASSION and LIVE LIFE HAPPILY like a MONOPOLY when you get all the good places only IF YOU KNOW what YOU WANT and NEED.

 

I still have not spoken to him since leaving him.

 

[high fives]

 

He finally called me yesterday around 6pm and left a voicemail. He said that he had been working double shifts the last two days and was on his way to his night job. Said he called to tell me that he saw I left my phone charger at his place and that I may need it. Said he managed to make 700 this weekend from working. Said he was about to take a nap. Said it was good to keep working to keep busy and not think about things. Said he wanted to remind me to text my boss about my pay check (because he hasn't paid me since I was let go). Told me in voicemail what my birthday present was that he was waiting on that was on back order. Said he didn't know when it would come in but when it did, he wouldn't be able to use it so he said if I don't want to see him, he could mail the gift to my place. Said he hoped I was having a great day. And then ended with saying that he would talk to me when he talked to me.

 

I'm not sure what to think of the voicemail.

 

Oh my god! [bangs head against the table] You're KIDDING RIGHT?

 

Look what I bolded. This EX of yours is darn ironic and full of contradictions.

 

You left a charger at his place. Yet he gets a "bday" present for you but could "mail it" to you.

 

What the heck?! Why don't he mail you the darn charger as well?

 

What a classic! Psht, tell him to keep that present and go get your charger back unless you can afford another one.

 

Seriously, NO ONE IS THAT BUSY. Only busy person I could think of is the Angel and Demons and God and the Devil. Most busiest person I know would be call "Energy."

 

Yeah, he has plenty of time. I don't care about how busy a person is. They can take the time to call or whatever any day.

 

Let's say I got off at work on third shift, heck I text you and go "Hey baby, I was thinking of you. What are you doing this Saturday? I would like to take you out to this place. Let me know as soon as possible." Click send. TA-DA! Oh my god, people on this planet act like they're super Assassins/FBI and CIA agents/Solving Crime Units that don't have a life outside of work that doesn't require 12 hours.

 

People MAKE TIME for PEOPLE THEY CARE ABOUT. Remember that.

 

For some reason I have no problems with talking to him again and being friends and friendly.

 

Uh, I do!

 

And you do! You just DON'T REALIZE IT YET.

 

I really feel bad for the next guy who becomes your boyfriend. He's going to think your EX is an a-word and wondering why the heck keep him in your life especially if he causes future troubles in your relationship with him.

 

I know for a fact if I were a guy, I wouldn't bother getting in a relationship with you [i KNOW THAT'S HARSH], but if I end up helping you through your troubles with your ex and you keep going on "how he's not like this, he's really a nice guy. I know because I dated him." I'm going to be like let's break up and walk off. I don't need your ex's drama in our relationship. That's a guy's point of view. Not just any guy, A QUALITY GUY.

 

He is a nice guy to friends and I wouldn't mind being his friend. He's just not cut out for a relationship because of all his issues.

 

Look, I don't care if he's or any PERSON for that matter is a friend/family/lover but if they're WILLING to do that TO YOU or ANY PERSON, you shouldn't be THEIR FRIEND/FAMILY/LOVER.

 

It just shows where your integrity lies. It definitely shows what type of life you will lead. That is SUPERFICIAL.

 

In other words, you have no backbone of who you are, and your boundaries.

 

It seems he would be ok with being friends as well.

 

Give me a break. If he REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT YOU, he BROKE UP WITH YOU, and ASKED IF YOU COULD STAY FRIENDS so HE COULD FLIRT WITH THE OTHER GIRL.

 

That's CALLED integrity. He didn't want to string you along.

 

I am a forgiving person

 

I doubt it. If someone harm your family, you wouldn't be forgiving. If someone did something that was horrible to you worst than your ex, you wouldn't forgive them.

 

Unless you're Jesus, different ball game.

 

and a good person and

 

You can be bad as well.

 

Never say never.

 

Anything can happen.

 

What i'm trying to say, we have good traits and bad traits. Some are in the low range/medium range/high range.

 

People really need to know they are capable of anything/everything/nothing.

 

I don't want to just cut him out completely.

 

I repeat, I feel bad for your future relationships.

 

I feel bad for your life. He's going to wishy washy with you.

 

You're going to come back on ENA and post a thread "Why is my ex who I considered a friend TREATING ME LIKE THIS blah blah blah" and crying.

 

You really wanna go through that pain and treatment again, go for it.

 

I say it's not worth it.

 

I learned a lot from this relationship and I hope he has also.

 

Stop rationalizing his behavior.

 

Rationalize YOUR BEHAVIOR as in WHERE DO YOU WANNA GO IN YOUR LIFE?

 

 

Perhaps after some time has passed of some space and no contact, we can have a small friendliness.

 

I doubt it. Once you wake up in your meaningful life, you go "Oh my god, what the hell was I thinking!"

 

And your future boyfriend would be "Hey hey hey you you, I wanna be your boyfriend!"

 

LOL Sorry I'm listening to Girlfriend by Avril Lavinge.

 

Who knows.

 

Anything can happen.

 

But I don't see a problem with it if we did.

 

Are you serious?! Read what you JUST WROTE BELOW.

 

The only thing that worries me about being nice to him and friendly is that he may see what he did to me as being ok and then do it to another poor girl. But whatever, that's his mistake again if he does.

 

HELLLLLLLOOOOOOO? REPEATED BEHAVIOR = BAD.

 

Why you think High Criminals are put to jail/prison/torture/death penalty/etc?

 

Get him out of your life. SERIOUSLY.

 

Or else you'll keep going back to your darn past. It gets mad annoying to you.

 

Also, you're being wishy washy what you want and need in your life. Go get a pretty pen and paper and write what you want and need in your life and what you don't want and don't need in your life.

 

The clearer you are, the better you are on choosing the action that is right for you.

 

It looks like I may have to speak to him anyway because I do have some things of his.

 

Are you kidding?

 

3 options

-Keep it

-Give it back

-Donate it

 

TA-DA! Gosh, you guys keep each other stuff as if it's like a secret treasure to the ancient world. Maybe those stuff should end up on National Treasure.

 

Again, I strongly advise against keeping him in your life.

 

 

So, I'm not sure what to do right now....wait a week before I contact him?

 

And you tell me you value my advice?

 

Contradiction. Ironic. Not authentic of who you really are.

 

In other words, fake/pathetic similar to your ex.

 

Be AUTHENTIC. I know you have in you, girl.

 

Don't SAY one thing and then not ACT that thing.

 

Talk that talk. Now do the walk walk. Or whatever that quote is.

 

I know I called you a fake/pathetic/contradiction/ironic, but you need to see how you come accross to other people. If you say you truly "value" the advice, then take it into consideration. Don't go "I don't know." Because YOU DO KNOW. Your main problem is you DON'T WANT TO CHANGE and YOU DON'T THINK you can START AGAIN with SOMEONE ELSE NEW.

 

 

I don't know how long to wait before it's ok and appropriate for me to speak to him.

 

My advice, DON'T BOTHER.

 

But then again, it's your life. Not mine. I just know that in a few weeks or months you'll come back on eNA complaining how he's doing this or that [CAUSE] and how it is affecting you as a person/life [EFFECT].

 

Wake up! Realize he is TROUBLE.

 

Yes, sure people change. BUT HIS behavior HAS BEEN REPEATED. I don't know how old he is or you are. But if he's 40 and still doing that, that's a WASTE OF LIFE ENERGY YOU EVER INVESTED IN.

 

PLEASE WAKE UP.

 

All you need is love, time, and tenderness WITH SOMEONE ELSE NEW.

 

It may the next guy or the GUY AFTER THAT.

 

Go FIND THAT GUY that TYPE OF GUY YOU WANT as a LOVER AND FRIEND.

 

Not the guy WHO'S FULL OF CONTRADICTIONS/IRONIC/DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TREAT A HUMAN BEING/LACK OF INTEGRITY AND CHARACTER.

 

Unless you can handle it, then go for it. You don't mind suffering and being the victim, go for it.

 

I will reply to your next post because you said I mentioned something that didn't make sense. But that will be my final post reply to you since I given all the advice that I can give through my analysis.

 

I'm pretty serious about it. Because I don't want to go back and forth on something that is simple and that you don't want to change. I'm not forcing you to change. I'm forcing you to see what you are worth.

[regretrevenge]

If you went to an amusement park and the roller coaster broke down while you were riding it causing you to fall and break your leg, what would you do? Likely, you would not want to go back on that roller coaster again. You wouldn't trust it, at least not for a while (maybe even years). And it wouldn't matter if people said things like "what are the odds it'll break down again" or "look, they fixed it and they're gonna make sure it never breaks like last time" because you just simply wouldn't feel comfortable. But this is a piece of technology we're talking about. It's purely mechanical, not the coaster's fault. Its the same with relationships when someone screws up, but onlymuch worse because the person had complete control over their bad decisions the whole entire time. Don't get back on the roller coaster, loveculture.

 

PS: This is a metaphor.

[dasilver]

Who's the nut job who broke up with you?......She must be kicking herself in the head......