No regrets in dumping him; recently found out he has 2 kids

[joyful]

I just wanted to write an update on my situation. I was dating an older guy for 5 months and was unsure of his living situation. Communication was inconsistent when he was out of town sometimes. He came on heavy at first, chivalrous, attentive, we even traveled together. He is divorced as well. He was just too good to be true. I began to feel that something just wasn't right and I broke up with him via email due to his disappearing act. He started to pull the slow fade once I put my foot down about his living situation and he disappeared for good a few days later. Until this day, he has never contacted me. Now everything makes sense...HE HAS KIDS that he lied about. He lied about having kids when we first got together and he lied again when I explicitly asked him towards the end. At first I was upset that he disappeared the way he did(2 months ago), but I was doing fairly well healing. I just found out about the 2 kids this week and I'm not sure how I feel. I immediately enacted NC after breaking up. Part of me wants to send him a text on Sunday saying "Happy Father's Day"...like, I know your secret. But I know that will not improve the situation. It just disgusts me that he could deny his own flesh and blood. I don't want him back, but it just sucks to be lied to so terribly. There are a lot of morals to my story but the main one is that if you're with someone and your instincts are telling you to RUN...Listen to them!!! As I said before, I wasn't sure what exactly was going on with him, but I had an odd feeling and sure enough, my suspicions were given some credit. No matter how slick a man thinks he is, all that is done in the dark always comes to light.

[metrogirl]

Sounds like he may have had a woman as well.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I read your other post. I wonder if his children are living with their mother out of town...or, if during those weekends that he stopped contacting you he had his children with him. At any rate, someone who keeps a secret life is not relationship material. You are so much better without him.

[joyful]

The mother and children live in the same city as he does.

[allielynn]

WHY wouldnt he just tell you?

 

If he said "I have kids, hwever I feel weird introducing you yet...since it's been a fairly short relationship".....i'm sure those dissapearing acts would make more sense. he was spending time with his KIDS.

 

But instead, to act like a single unattached man with no baggage? why woud he think he could builda future with you...or get amrried one day....or get "close" to someone with such a HUGE lie?

[lavenderdove]

I think this is about more than just having kids... why hide that from you?

 

He probably is in a relationship with the kids' mother (or trying to get back with her). So he's either a garden variety cheater trying to keep you and his partner separate but keep you on the side, or he's trying to get back with her and doesn't want her to know about you, while using you for consolation and entertain since she is not 100% with him.

[joyful]

I have to be honest with myself; even though he claimed to want to be serious, maybe he didn't tell me about the kids because he was ever really serious about me. I got played really badly. I'm not justifying his actions because he shouldn't have lied. I've met plenty of men with baggage and they were honest about their baggage. It's extremely unfair to take the decision to date you out of someone's hands by lying. I'm a bit angry today, as all the details are settling in.

[LMJ]

They guy sounds like a really douchebag. Why are you upset now? Better to find out now rather than later. He may actually be married?

[joyful]

I'm upset because I'm realizing how much of a lie our relationship was. I'm angry that I let myself get played and I know I shouldn't blame myself because I did get out early. Some of the hurt from the initial separation is coming back as well. I was doing really well healing and I just feel like this is kind of a set back.