Keeping opposite-sex friendships platonic - advice please

[edgecrusher96]

I am a girl studying in a very male dominated field, and expect to work in a career full of males (like 90% male) once I graduate. As a result of this, I constantly have to deal with guys in the course of both study and work.

 

Now, a bit about me. I am an ambitious, independent person who doesn't find the prospect of being in a relationship appealing at all, because I like my sense of freedom and privacy, and don't see the point in putting myself in a position to get hurt, and also I'm young and have plenty of time ahead of me. I'm not prepared to make major sacrifices and compromises for someone else in the name of a relationship which in all probability won't even last, so I'm like 'It's my way or the highway'. I also like my sense of personal space so I don't like people touching me, I don't need physical affection. I see letting people touch me as a loss of control, intrusive and an invasion of my space. In short, I'd like to enjoy the single life for as long as I can.

 

Because I am constantly surrounded by guys due to my educational and career path, I want to know how to keep my interactions with them friendly and platonic. The last thing I want is for all the guys to hit on me. From past experience, when I have started dating guy friends, the friendship is adversely affected when we break up. I probably have it better than many people who hate their exes with a passion, but the friendships are strained and we can never be as close as we used to be before we went out because of our history together. So from here on in I just want to be friends with guys, I don't want to screw my friendships up again by going out with my male friends. I want to concentrate on study, work and friendships at the moment and don't want any major emotional commitments.

 

From past experience, here are some conclusions I've arrived at with respect to keeping things within the boundaries of friendship:

 

-Don't spend too much alone time together

-Don't let guys shout me meals, drinks or entertainment, in other words go Dutch and pay my own way

-Don't let guys give me lifts too often or over long distances

-Don't flirt

-Don't be afraid to burp, fart, swear, drink etc and be one of the guys - as most guys obviously want a real, feminine woman for a girlfriend

-Don't glam up and wear revealing clothes as guys are very visually stimulated

-Don't talk about emotional stuff or personal problems with guys

 

So can anyone please give me advice for keeping my socializing with guys out of the romantic zone? If a guy has feelings for me and I don't reciprocate them, is the friendship doomed forever? I'm very serious about wanting to stay single and fending off romantic/sexual attention. For example, I don't wear open-toed shoes anymore because I've heard that many guys have a foot fetish. I've even stopped wearing sleeveless tops around guys because I read somewhere that the armpits are a major source of pheromones.

 

So any guidelines on how to maintain a platonic opposite sex friendship?

[Mun]

Hi there,

I have worked and studied very closely with men because my career is also mostly male dominated. I always keep a very serious attitude and I don't play around with men. The way you carry yourself will set the tone for the type treatment you expect from others. I am most always treated with respect and the men know the boundaries.

 

Unfortunately, you have no control over other peoples feelings, but I think that as long as you maintain that all business attitude you can keep a platonic friendship from going any further.

 

I think the list you have come up with is pretty good. I don't think burping, farting and swearing is appropriate for the workplace though. Well, I guess it might depend on where you work at.