I'm healing too! NC was the best thing I ever did!!

[Clarabelle]

NC really works. I can't do it full out because my husband and I have a child together, but at least the drama is over. I am back in the driver's seat, and in control of my emotions. I still have tough days, especially Sundays, but it's getting better, and most of all, my husband can't jerk my chain anymore or keep me in limbo. I'm imagining a better life for myself.

 

Two small but good things happened yesterday. My husband called me (I didn't answer) and left a frantic, unpleasant message about not being able to babysit at the time I needed it because "i'm working and making money, unlike you." Normally that would have really pissed me off in the past, but because I didn't answer his call, I didn't have to take the bait. I texted him back saying that I had made other arrangements, but could he please send me his schedule, so that I could make my plans? I wrote at the end that it wasn't about making money, but about cooperating and helping each other. I also thanked him for the help he had been able to offer with our daughter lately (thanks for the suggestion, Muneca!). He called me later to ask where I was (ha! ha!) and to apologize for the making money remark, and I accepted his apology very neutrally. End of conversation!

 

Also, my daughter, who is three, mentioned that although she would like have daddy come home some day "when he feels better", she was happy to have him out of the house because "he was being a bad daddy."

[Tashikie]

.........................

[Clarabelle]

You got it.

[lunatic]

Hey Clarabelle Congrats you are on the road to recovery!!!!

You are making strides in your dealing with your ex and I commend you on it. You handled him like a champ by not letting him pull you into an argument.

 

Congrats,

 

Hubman 8)

 

 

 

No Contact is what NC stands for Tashikie!

[hockeyboy]

looks like where in the same boat.

[rich46]

Great to hear that Clarabelle! Sounds like you are doing GREAT!

 

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[guy40az]

The NC rule really does work especially when the other party tries noting but to cause you more heartache, In your situation I don't know if it was your decision to split up or his. It seems a lot of times the one that wanted to breakup is the one that wants to have contact and can't stand to se the other person move on.

 

I have kids with my ex also so the total NC is not an option but having NC except to pickup and drop off the kids, is the best thing, like I never call her unless it is totally necessary and it pertains to the kids. She seems to always want to talk about other things and tries to get close to me but I don't let her go there all that does is makes it harder to move on. So I totally agree with you on the NC rule.

[Clarabelle]

Our situation is complicated. I asked him to leave but my intention was always to reconcile after we had taken a breather. I wanted NC from the beginning. He on the other hand wanted contact, but initially said that he didn't want to be married to me anymore, even though he wanted to hang out, wanted sex, etc. He found a gf but admitted that his "secret" wish was to reconcile with me, he just needed time. I was patient and accommodating, but I realized that those tactics were not going to help him make up his mind and he would keep saying he needed time, wasn't ready. We were get along sometimes but the lack of resolution was driving me crazy, as was his inconsistent attitude toward child care (which is what broke up), so I inititated NC. It's been good for me. I don't know if I still want to reconcile. I feel at this point I did so much to demonstrate that I was open to it and I've done all I can. The effort would have to come from him now.