Having a really hard night, just reaching out for support...

[tothecoast]

Like the title says--I'm having a really hard night and just could use some support and encouragement. I was feeling pretty good all day today, and then went to therapy and talked about everything and just felt worse. When the session ended I was crying, and I walked out the door that way, which was pretty much the worst feeling in the world...had to walk out the building and to my car with my eyes to the ground.

 

I'm just tired of fighting this long, hard, uphill battle...tired of being sad...and the worst part is knowing I'm only at the beginning of it--it's only been one month since the breakup. I don't want to keep doing this for another 6 months...or worse, 11...

 

I think it's also hard for me that her sister has been one of my best friends for 10 years. They're actually not that close with each other (they have an intense/difficult relationship), and when we broke up, her sister was all about reassuring me that we would stay really close, that our friendship was independent of their relationship, etc etc. But I should have known that, even if she meant well, she wasn't going to follow through on that. She's been totally unavailable to me, out of touch. We used to go out on the weekends all the time together (big group of friends)...now she never hits me up.

 

I'm pretty good at reflecting/analyzing myself, and I think the reason this upsets me so much is not so much the friendship rejection, but the fact that it feels like an echo of the rejection by my ex. I think I (unfortunately) associate my ex with her sister, so when her sister rejects me (i.e., doesn't call me to go out, or acts distant), it feels like my ex is rejecting me all over again.

 

I know that I need to work on this. I even know what I need to remember: 1) my best friend is NOT my ex--they are separate people, and my friend being distant doesn't represent my ex's rejection of me and 2) it's natural that she's taking some distance--my ex is her SISTER, after all, and that is a priority, no matter how close we have been for the last 10 years.

 

Still. I'm just feeling like crap at the moment, and could really use some words of kindness and encouragement...sigh...

[loveiswaiting]

I have no friends if that makes you feel better. lol but seriously things are going to get better. It takes times to sort things out. I hate the time part. But patience is a virture even if we dont have alot of time. Which can be confusing. Its just alot of working on yourself and talking it out like you have, I dont know your exact postion and relationship hist with your ex. but you'll be great. and you wont feel bad anymore. we lose friends alot in life. Hurts but it heals. Your heavy hitter is your break up so it stress everything else out. Just rmember there is a light at every tunnel, no matter how long.

[mal222]

Things will get better with time. I know it sounds hard to believe now but it's true. Your life will slowly start to go on track again and everything will clear out eventually, including your friendship and how you feel about it. Have courage and try to do things that make you feel well and eventually you'll realise that what hurts you now will hurt you less and less every day. I wish you the best of luck!

[brian12345]

Hey man, I've seen some of your past threads. You've been through this before and come out okay, so you know it can be done again. It's hard when friends you would expect to be there for you aren't, although in this case understandable. If you were feeling pretty good all day and you're only a month out of the relationship, then you're probably healing pretty well compared to where a lot of us are after a month. This is part of the emotional wave, so ride through it, and know tomorrow is a new day.

[sonicfan287]

Hey,

 

I can kinda relate but not as closely... strangely enough though, I have a friend who I've been kind of estranged from lately since my breakup and she has the same NAME as my ex... no family relation and theyre not even friends (although they were) but same exact name and certain behaviors are similiar but thats not why we're not friends at the moment... its actually kinda sad but she's been one of my best friends for 5 years and I'm sure we'll talk again, just as I'm sure you and your best friend will talk again, but right now, things are going to be tense...

 

The sooner you can get your life back on track though, the sooner you can try extending contact to your best friend. Right now, she may be concerned that you'll talk about her sister too much and the breakup, which could make things awkward between you but of course as your best friend, she wants to help you through this tough time, so its hard for her... the first month after a breakup is EXTREMELY tough, but each month gets a little easier as it goes... my first month was TERRIBLE, then the 2nd month was mostly depressing, third month was a positive step forward and now this is the beginning of my fourth month and it still has its occasional downs but I'm feeling a lot better and at some point will reach out to my friend (but our issue is completely different and something she did that hurt me, not my ex)

 

So, we'll see how things go but keep your head up. I know it's hard and if you have to cry, just do it. I fought it for so long but eventually it happens... let it out. Sometimes youll be surprised to find that you awake the next morning feeling better

[elephants]

Looks like the waves got you. Keep swimming to the coast (dumb pun intended lol)!

[Streetbob]

Sorry to hear this!

 

I too broke down in THerapy after about a month. It's truly awful.

Things do get better but it takes time. It's been over 3 months for me and i have probably 1 bad day in 4 now.

 

I must admit, my therapist (A woman - and I believe that makes a difference) has been a great help and source of peace and comfort.

 

Regarding the ex's sister: I would say that she probably doesn't want to add to your pain right now so is giving you some space. Breakups do create a weird dynamic amongst friends and unfortunately is just something we must get over also.

 

SB

[tothecoast]

Hey guys--wow, reading all of your comments really helped so much. Just hearing everyone's rational, supportive, encouraging thoughts really made a difference in my night, and reminded me that even though I feel * * * * ty right now, it will pass, and I will be okay (and also that my friendship will sort itself out too, even if it is understandably complicated right now).

 

I'm sure I'll have more to say soon, but for now I just wanted to pop over quick before I go to bed and say thank you so much for helping me come down from some very * * * * ty feelings tonight...I'm so glad that this board is here, and so glad I reached out.