What's your dealbreaker?

[tothecoast]

So I've been thinking a lot about what it would take for me to accept the ex back into my life - asking myself, what is the one condition that would absolutely have to be true in order for me to consider getting back together?

 

Part of what's tricky about getting back together is that you don't just have to deal with the old issues from the old relationship - you also have to deal with any NEW issues that the breakup itself may have created (this is very true for me).

 

So I've been asking myself - what would I need in order to heal the wounds from our breakup? What would I need in order to leave the past behind, and move forward in a new relationship? This is what I would call the "dealbreaker," and mine is that she would need to be absolutely sure that she wanted to be in a relationship.

 

Those of you who've read my story know that my ex struggles with mental health issues and that we broke up because she decided she wasn't capable of dealing with them while still being in a relationship. I have so much compassion and love for her - I know that she's sick, that she needs to take care of herself, and that she truly needed to be alone. However, the experience of dating someone who was unsure of her ability to be in a relationship REALLY messed me up. It planted all this insecurity and doubt in my mind, made me wonder whether there was something wrong with me, left me feeling anxious whenever we were together. This isn't about me invalidating her experience - I respect where she is at. I just know that I can't go through the same experience again, of dating someone who has one foot out the door (even if it is for mental health reasons).

 

If we ever got back together, I would need to know that she was sure that it was right for her, that she felt ready for a relationship, that she was invested and committed, that she KNEW she wanted to be there. I think that is the only way I could ever start fresh with her.

 

That's my dealbreaker for getting back together. Somehow, thinking about it makes me feel stronger, more empowered, and more in control of my own situation - like, no matter what happens, I have a choice here too.

 

What's your dealbreaker?

[Tom1990]

Show that she will stay by my side when I'm down.

Be willing to share her feelings with me.

And some insanely awesome makeup sex.

[rickyspanish]

id just need to know there wernt any hidden cameras and ashton kutcher isnt going to come over and say ive been punked and id take her back in a heart beat lol.

[scared and alone]

well, what you said is true. I agree with that.

 

but to a knew thing. I've mentioned it before but i had an ex that i was madly in love with. but, what i didn't know was he was apparently a homophobe. That did it for me. I kept reminding myself that i can't deal with homophobes so it wouldn't work ever anyway.

[Streetbob]

To enter some sort of reconciliation counselling and to marry me.

[Streetbob]

Ok....only joking about marrying!

[laura-j]

Promise of honest communication. I can't take anymore unhappy surprises.