my ex got a new gf 3 weeks after we broke up...

[hazel eyes]

I broke up w/ my bf of 2yrs...about a month ago. Why? We always had out little issues, like not having enuf to talk about, different backgrounds, values and such. Nevertheless, we spent 2 years, loving each other, I sacrificing a lot for him. I always believed in saving myself for marriage, but in the end was so in love that I thought why the hell not, and gave it up for him. I thought even if he is not the one, he is special to me. He goes to study abroad for a semester...more stress for the relationship, he comes back and we feel like strangers, trying to make something keep running. He says lots of little statements that piss me off, he is showing no respect for me, being very inconsiderate of my feelings. So I break up w/ him.

3 weeks later, he tells me he is "talking" to someone. I am obviously not happy about it, I get upset and stop talking to him. He tells me, " I thought we were supposed to move on." ha...asshole. he's going to sit there and say "what did I do?"

He then tries and contact me every other week through the IM to do what I say is try and ruin my day. Say things that will obviously get me upset. I see him in the hallways and he asks if i'm goin to the school's semiformal(college) and i say yes, he asks with who...i tell him 3 other friends. I walk away. He reads an away message of mine, that said, "if we are going out speak now or forever hold your peace." He asks me who I'm talking about? Why is he so busy trying to find out if I'm going out w/ someone...and such...does he want to feel better for what he is doing? Anyways, its torture thinking that I dont want to see him w/ his new girl..and to the date I had not seen them together. Then the semiformal nite, the moment i stepped thru the door his eyes were glued to me. 15minutes later I see him again making his grand entrance w/ his new gf...to the shock of my stomach...its someone I know. I was immediately sick and could not even eat. I was literally sick to my stomach.

I got over it, because I realized something.......he kept staring at me. With his new girl beside him and he stared...lol. At first I thought it might just be me, but a friend also pointed it out, she was upset that he was being an idiot and staring at me, as if trying to rub it in my face.

I got over it and ended up having a g'nite. Although, I'll admit I drank it up....trying to let the alcohol help me just enjoy myself. It worked, after a while it was like ok now i'm convinced your using her....you're so wrong for me, and your wasting ur time.

But by him going out w/ someone 3 weeks after our break up makes me feel like those 2 yrs were lies.....he became so nasty once we broke up, i'm not the vengeful kind so I didnt understand...i was nothing but nice to him, i never said anything stupid after we broke up, i left it alone.

Also, 3 weeks? come on now, that means u were already checking her out, scouting, we both knew her from before....did u have feelings for her throughout the whole relationship? or maybe u lied about the 3 weeks thing, u were talking to her from who knows when...flirting and such...

So now i have to live with seeing him on campus, every single day w/ his new girl. He Imed me today and asked me if i had fun at the formal? haha, thats like did you have fun seeing me w/ my new girl? what a ***ing asshole.....man that oozes evilness. I dont even know if i have a question........i guess just what do u all think of the situation?

My gf's have told me to send his new girl some of the convos he and I have had where he asks me if i'm seeing anyone and such...but i'm just not a bitch...plus i'll just be seen as the bitter ex. i'm not stupid...i do things knowing the consequences. i just avoid him, as much as i can, i dont talk to him, IM him, nothing. he does all the contacting, i dunno why. but sooner or later i'm going to block him....but for now i dont want him to get the satisfaction of thinking that seeing him with his new girl hurts me, and his goal has been completed.

[dave_1966]

I'd feel more sorry for you if he'd dumped you and then proceeded to act like this, but you finished with him. Your choices are to ask to take him back, or learn from this and move on. Sorry to be harsh, but as you get a little older I think you'll consider the consequences of your actions a little more carefully. What do you expect him to do after you finish with him, take a vow of celibacy? To find someone 3 weeks later may appear like fast work, but it's probably just to make himself feel wanted and attractive after you hurt him. It may not last long either, as it sounds like a re-bound thing. Don't take any reprisals as your friends suggest, act with dignity. Good luck.

[SwingFox]

You tell'em Dave!!! You went straight through the problem. Good job!!

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Hi hazel eyes,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your questions. As I said, Dave said pretty much all. I actually think that you don't loose your dignity if you would block him from your IM. It saves you from him contacting you and telling you how wonderful things are. I have a feeling that he's just using that as a shield. If you want to make sure, send him an e-mail, stating: "Hi, I think it's better when you don't contact me anymore over IM, so I blocked you." Just that nothing more. That will make him think... *grins*.

 

I am sorry to hear that you feel hurt. You should, because after all you have been together for two years. That means something. I would suggest you to statisfy your thoughts by thinking that at least you have tried your best and gave it all. That says something about your personality. My last advice is that your personality speak even louder, when you continue acting as nothing is hurting you. Try to talk to your friends about how you feel and leave him out. I believe you're doing a good job as it is now. From what I have read, YOU have brains. I know this is easier said than done, but use them and don't let him get to you.

 

I wish you strength for the coming period and end this reply by telling you that time will heal your wounds. It just doesn't happen overnight ... cry if you want to, 'cause that will speed up your healing process. Have fun with your friends ... that will help you, as well. Good luck, hazel eyes!!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[hazel eyes]

hey swingfox, that is actually a great idea, not only would that email be subtle and to the point but it's a little of torture too.

You have made my wheels start turning in thinking what are some of the things that would happen.

 

My guy friend was telling me that he might be doing what a lot of guys do, which is this whole territorial thing, they want to know who's with you and all that even if not interested, just because he is a guy. I think he has got a point, becuz I wouldnt be able to explain it any other way...him having a girl and asking me questions to lead to are you seeing anyone.

 

As for me hurting him, you should've seen the situation. It's almost like he set it up so that I would be the one breaking it all up, he didnt even want to work on that either. He just said "so thats it?" Almost like he should've said "ok see u later." Then he was like "ok if thats what you want." thats why now I have to think if he already had her lined up. he had back up...so he didnt care.

 

As for that whole ....the new girl makes him feel wanted after i hurt him...he never once told me he was hurt by any of it, he doesnt act it, he was acting glad to be free of the chains and showed it to me by going out with the new girl. Oh well, what is done is done, sometimes u just need to talk to people outside ur circle as well....

 

Once, you talk about something w/ ur friends they think its something that affects you 24/7 but it doesnt. Only in the past days...and its been a week since the formal that was all.