Absolutely clueless and need guidance/advice

[Reminiscence]

I'm 21 years old (about to turn 22 in 2 days) and I've never been in a relationship before. I met this guy in class about 2 months ago. We've been seeing each other since then and went on I guess 1 or 2 dates before that but haven't been on any more dates because of college and work.

 

My concern is that even though we've been seeing each other for two months we don't label each other bf or gf. Like I said before, we've only been on 1 or 2 dates and, frankly, because I've never been in the dating game I don't know if they counted. A friend of mine has warned me that maybe this guy is looking for a FWB. I'm a virgin and he isn't. However, this guy thinks that he ain't getting any at all or for a long time. I've had bad sexual experiences in my past but nothing extreme like rape and he knows this as well. But I've also told him that I've seen counseling and these experiences are not the only reason why I've stayed a virgin for so long.

 

I've tried having "the talk" with him but I didn't really know how to go about that. Guess I'm looking for people to talk to and help me figure things out because I'm absolutely clueless on the relationship front. I don't even know where to begin but I guess this is a start.

[martyfarty]

feel him out. if he disrespects you then drop him.

[Reminiscence]

Some new developments.

 

He said that we weren't in a relationship nor is he looking since he doesn't have time. Now what?

[lady liberty]

Reminiscence,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your past experiences, and also the ordeal with this guy. IMO, I would walk away in a polite and gracious way. He's been clear that he does not think you two are an item, and therefore, there's no reason to proceed with this chap. He's just not in the right place in life right now to handle a relationship, and truthfully - at least he was honest! You don't want to date someone who's not interested in commitment (if commitment is what you seek), because you will always end up disappointed. Let him do his thing, and you do yours. You're young, and there will be other men who are more interested in you.

 

Also, just out of curiosity (and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to): why did you decide to have such serious conversations about your past with this guy, when it seems like you've known each other for only two months? Have you been friends for a long time?

 

Best wishes!

[Reminiscence]

Also, just out of curiosity (and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to): why did you decide to have such serious conversations about your past with this guy, when it seems like you've known each other for only two months? Have you been friends for a long time?

 

No we haven't been friends for a long time. He asked me why I've never had sex before and I explained that I was receiving counseling in high school for that stuff.

[Reminiscence]

Now that finals are done...more info.

So I asked him what were his intentions for all this time and he replied that he wanted to get to know me and see if he wanted to get in a relationship or stay friends. I feel that there is a vicious cycle. Perhaps because he doesn't know me that well yet he doesn't want to rush into a relationship. However, if he doesn't make more time he won't get to know me any better. Whatever the pattern it's a vicious cycle that has to break.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Oh and i can't believe i didn't say this before but I've stayed nights with him. In the same bed. We make out but no sex. These are usually on the weekends. Before we go to bed we talk about random stuff and the next day we go back to our busy lives. You may start screaming at me FWB but 1) he has told me that he thinks sex might be bad for me and 2) if he really just wants sex couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't he be with some other girl? But then of course you are now probably thinking may he is with another girl. I don't know if that is going on so I have no reason to add another variable to this all ready weird equation. Let's keep it simple and deal with things as they go.

Now that I've written this stuff down I realize how weird/stupid/unfortunate things seem to happen to me a lot... IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS....IT'S A TRAP!!!

[Sarah2101]

There something that bothers me here : how on earth can he affirm that "sex is no good for you ? " could he be saying this to make you think, "oh no, I can do it" and then get into your pants ?!

 

Besides, in my opinion, when you see/date someone, you don't just do it and expect that them to "see" if they want more, I think one should be considered and appreciated more than that. He doesn't get to weight you or make you sell yourself to him. It goes both ways. I think one should keep its dignity and not go that low. There first should be that mutual interest and from then we see if we get along and if there's more. To me this guy sounds like "you have to show yourself and I get to judge if you're good enough for me". Lady, is this what you want with a guy ? You're still young, there are lots of great guys out there who treat a girl better than that. So if I were you I'd stop wasting my time with this one.

 

Wish you the Best.

[Reminiscence]

Sunday night he told me he just wants to be friends. Said that there are things that cause him to think that we wouldn't work out and those thoughts are what made him not want to pursue a relationship. I told him I was upset but I wasn't crying. At the time I wasn't really mad or sad. Just caught off-guard because literally the day before he told me that we should talk the next day to plan something for later in the week.

Monday he asks me if there are any other questions I wanted him to answer. I was much more upset this day so I said I didn't know and I couldn't think. End of discussion.

Tuesday there was no communication at all. I was incredibly angry this day. To the point that I felt I had to break something in order to calm down.

Wednesday: At 2 in the freaking morning he texts "Hey, how are you?" I didn't reply. I was less angry but now annoyed.

Thursday (Today): In the morning, I replied I was sleeping and asked why he texted me so late. He replied that he thought I was up. I didn't reply. About 30 minutes ago, he texted me a photo of something cool he saw. I haven't replied nor do I want to. Not too angry anymore but rather annoyed.

 

I know he's just trying to be a friend but I'm angry at him. Either I tell him or ignore him. I can't talk to him because I know for sure my emotions will overrun.

Some of my friends have told me that it seems he doesn't know what he wants after I've told them of these recent event and past events. First, he asks me to lunch, pays for it, and kisses me. Says he's not looking to be in a relationship but oh we're together because he wants to see if he wants to be in a relationship with me or not. Oh lets text more and hey maybe we can do something later in the week. Oh wait no lets be friends because there are things that I THINK won't work between us even though we've never talked about them or tried fixing them or been on a date or found anything to do that we both enjoy doing together.

 

My question is should I go into NC mode? As he said we were never in a relationship and we didn't label each other anything, so do the rules of breaking up still apply?