Jump to content

I don't know.

tabbyloves

By tabbyloves
in Suicide & Self-Harm

Recommended Posts

tabbyloves Contributor

tabbyloves

Posted
Posted

Lets start from the beginning...Which was when i moved to Ballin Public School in year 2. Year 2 through to year 6, was horrible. No friends. Got into fights because they initiated it. Got picked on by almost everyone even my year 5 teacher, by god did i wanna smash her head in. Worst. Teacher. Possible. Now i know its your everyday typical scenario but what i gained over those years, isn't very nice.

 

Year 7, the beginning of highschool. Things got worse as i stuck with one group. And that thing i gained got worse to. Year 8 was worse then year 7. Year 9 is where i crashed down. I started telling people not so nice stuff about my parents and stuff, and i started cutting that year too. You know how i told you about that thing i gained? that thing, is some very nasty voices inside in my mind. They started controlling what i say and do. And have driven me to the point where I'm 100% sure I'm ready to die.

 

I hallucenate; I won't eat for days on end; I won't sleep. I'm still fighting the urge to cut. Those voices are throbbing inside of my head as i type this. No-one seems to be able to understand me. So through my eyes the only way out is to die. And hope that the voices go to.

 

I have a few people i don't want to leave, like my girlfriend and all my friends over the internet like you guys are, but its something i have to do. I have it all planned so its time to go.

 

Bye ENA.

Link to comment
LulzSec Newbie

LulzSec

Posted
Posted

My friend, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles in school. You are not alone though, many people including myself have had such horrible experiences in school that we would frankly like to just have them dismantled and removed from society altogether. The education system is a total joke all around and the social environment they create is really quite scary.

 

You are not responsible, you didn't do anything wrong. If you are born and put straight into prison, is that your fault? no. Likewise, when you are put into a very corrupt system (like School) at such a young age and then forced to stay in the system for decades, it can certainly take its toll.

 

You have lasting effects from this, IE: The voices. Is there anything specific about these voices? who are they? I know a lot of the time, when somebody hears voices it is usually the voice of a person important to them, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, somebody who has hurt/abused them. One of the answers to treating or controlling these voices is to identify why these voices are speaking, who they are and what they represent as the person you hear. Understanding what is going on in your head may be all you need to get back on track and feel better. Not to mention, it may sound silly but identifying the voices will actually help therapists/medical professionals to properly provide support, medication IF needed and counseling.

 

Somebody who hears the voice of their dead brother whom they love, may need completely different treatment than somebody who hears the voice of lets say, an abuser. Because each case is different and the voices people can start to hear all stem from different emotions and experiences.

 

I hope I have helped somewhat, I also hope I made sense because I didn't really know how to explain what I was thinking/know. This isn't really western medical knowledge but it applies the same none the less!

 

Take care and please, don't do anything regretful.

Link to comment
Popsicle5 Newbie

Popsicle5

Posted
Posted

My love, have you seen a professional? It sounds like schizophrenia (I'm no expert) may be a possibility, and if so that is treatable, and there are so many people suffering from the same thing that you can reach out to and that could help.

 

Otherwise, just having someone to talk to and to support you sounds like it could be a really positive experience for you. It sounds like you are extremely anger... for good reason! In my experience, anger usually signifies another, deeper emotion... for me... and for many people I know, anger generally signifies a deep sense of hurt. From what you've said, it sounds like that could be the case. I was sexually abused many many times in my life. It caused me to develop a serious anger problem. My life changed drastically one day when I was writing in my journal and I realized that I wasn't actually angry at all... I was just so hurt I felt I had been dashed into pieces.

 

Once I began to accept and acknowledge my pain, and to grieve with it, I began to heal. If you continue to feed your anger you will only become more and more unhappy... believe me, I know from experience. Instead, try to identify the problem that the anger is signifying, and deal with THAT problem. What is it you really feel? How can you deal with it?

 

High school... ugh. HAHA! I try to forget high school ever happened! That's how miserable I was... I had episodes... screaming fits, was suicidal, the works. Then I realized that I wasn't what people said to me, or said about me... What they said to me or about me didn't change who I was. I started separating myself from the hurtful things people said and did to/about me... You are not the words people say about you.

 

You'll get through this time. Find someone in your life who you can let it all loose to, you need to trust someone and have someone support you. You deserve that. It can be a family member, a friend, a psychologist, a teacher (although it sounds like that's not likely hehe). I had teacher say terrible things about me! Oy. Find an outlet in your life that reminds you that no matter what people are saying to you or about you, that doesn't change the beauty that is within you.

 

This is a hard time, but it will pass I guarantee it!

Link to comment
Popsicle5 Newbie

Popsicle5

Posted
Posted

"You are not responsible, you didn't do anything wrong. If you are born and put straight into prison, is that your fault? no. Likewise, when you are put into a very corrupt system (like School) at such a young age and then forced to stay in the system for decades, it can certainly take its toll."

 

I read another post that LuIzSec had written, and I think this applies to him as well. He is being so kind and gentle with tabbyloves, and it would be wondeful if he could be as kind and gentle to himself as well!

Link to comment
mines Community Regular

mines

Posted
Posted

I'm just so sorry you're feeling this way. No one deserves that, no one. Especially someone your age, that just isn't fair.

 

You're doing the right thing by posting here. I'll tell you something I don't easily share. Some of my best friends in the world, I met on a forum about suicide. That was a few years ago and I felt hopeless. I posted there and their strength helped me pull through.

 

shooting star was right. You've brought yourself through this dark place before, and you can do it again. Please hold on. We only get one shot here, at life. Please don't waste it.

 

There will always be good days and bad days. Hang on, lean on us all that you can, and you will feel stronger. This too, shall pass. I wish you the best. (hug)

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...