GF hanging with new friend

[downandout]

Ive been going out with my gf for 10 months now and just recently shes started talking to this guy at my school who she had just met for the first time a week ago they are now talking on the phone and text messaging etc. They have also decided to go to a movie or party next weekend, and i havent been invited along. I trust her with all my heart but it just doesnt feel that right! what should do?

[winkybear]

hmm it will be bad for the relationship if ur gonna have insecurities, which turn into jealousy (i experienced that, so i know) . Its better if that u get rid of that feeling earlier on. Have a talk with her abt it . See what will come out of it. good luck.

[wanderer]

i don't wanna advocate not trusting your girlfriend, but when my ex started hanging out with another guy like that, i found out later that she had been screwing around with him. and she didn't even tell me, i found from other people.

 

i say, make sure you talk to her. you have every right to be concerned and to let her know that you deserve loyalty. i certainly did, but i tried to convince myself that she could be trusted. turns out i was wrong. now i'm not saying your girl's a bad girl, like mine kinda was, but i'm saying it can happen.

[OceanEyes]

but i'm saying it can happen.

 

Of course it can - but it can happen to anyone, at any time, anywhere. I wouldn't want to go through life always having this in the back of my mind though; that anyone you trust will screw you over if given the chance.

 

Let me ask you something downandout: Does your girlfriend have many girlfriends? Or has she always been the type to hang out with guys? Try to understand her friendship patterns to see whether or not you should actually worry about this. If she's always been friends with guys, she's not going to think that there is anything wrong with her going out to a party or a movie with another guy. She may not even think twice about it because it doesn't mean more than friendship to her, and she has no other intention than just being FRIENDS with this guy. But here's where it can get tricky ...

 

If your girlfriend has a lot of girlfriends and is more comfortable hanging around other girls - and always has been - then I would pay extra attention to this new 'friend' of hers. Usually women who only have other women as friends don't just take on males as friends. Well, the type of friend who they will go to movies with and such.

 

How have you reacted to this new friendship of hers? I ask because I am the type of girl who has always had a lot of male friends. My boyfriend has always acted relatively non-chalant about it, not seeming to care who I've gone out with. But there are little pieces of his behaviour afterwards that lead me to believe that he DOES have a problem with it.

 

What I'm saying here, is that if you don't feel right about her going out with another guy and not being invited along, then you must speak up about it and don't try to keep your feelings to yourself. If you do, she's going to keep seeing him and not have any idea that you don't like it.

[savannahohsavannah]

My two bits would be to ask her about it, how it went after the movie they go to this weekend. Then you might get a feel for how interested she is in him. Give her space but not enough that she doesn't know you are around.

[the iguana]

Yep, same crap ive been going through.

 

You can see the whole fiasco here:

 

link removed

[AlleyCat]

I'm guessing this is the first time she's done something like this in the 10 months you've been going out, so I can completely understand why it bothers you - it would bother me too. Like someone else suggested, if she tells you about exactly what happened, that will probably make you feel better.

 

It probably really don't mean much for her to be going out with him, but in my opinion, if you have a problem with it, she really shouldn't be doing it. It's one thing to have casual friends of the opposite sex, but I think it can be another to engage in "date-like" activities with them if your partner has a problem with it.

 

Just talk to her about it without getting mad at her. Acting like you think she's doing something wrong won't help. If she goes out with him then tells you all about, I really don't think you should worry about it. However, if she doesn't really talk about it, and gets defensive, you should let her know it bothers you - just make sure to be nice about it (try not to argue), and I'd try to avoid telling her she's doing something wrong.