Best way to kill yourself? I'm fairly set on doing it and don't want to fail..

[alloutofideas]

After reading all of the posts on this blog I feel a bit foolish writing this...I am in my mid 20's...have everything to live for except I am constantly miserable...I first tried to commit suicide at a sleep away camp I was at by hanging myself...I was asked to leave the camp and get psychiatric help however I am not stupid and as soon as I was committed to a mental institution I told my parents I made the entire thing up for attention...My farther is a power individual and was able to get my out of the asylum within several hours after speaking with the head of the institution...my family was worth millions and lost it all on bad investments, over spending and a love for materialism (keeping up with the Joneses) I am a highly educated individual and come from a family who has lived a life that you only see on TV and in movies...however my father has given up my mother is breast cancer survivor and my sisters are self consumed with their own lives...I have lost all of my friends and the few friends that I have told bits and pieces to about my financial and personal situatio have gone against me and exposed my secret to others. I have no trust in anyone started drinking at 9, smoking weed at 12, tried ecstasy at 14, cocaine at 16 and became a full on drug addict, addicted to vicodin at 20...I know use valium to control my extreme anxiety and drink heavily mixing pills and alcohol. My father is in denial of my current state of mind, my mother cannot bare the thought of losing me (personally I feel because I am such an invaluable member of our family; I am the go to person when something needs to get done). We lost all of our money (literally), my parents ruined my credit (after promising that they would not) and now I am trapped at home working on my families business which is floundering depending on the day because I am the only one selling...I have attempted to get help by seeing psychiatrists and psychologists and have been on 150 mg of effexor for a year and a half to no avail...I have tried to talk to mom (the only rational one) and she cannot handle the conversation because she feels that she is helpless and doesn't want to lose me...the problem is I am already lost...I got **** from my father and sister for taking the vicodin aying I was a different person on it and not operating at my full potential so I got off the vicodin 6 months ago...My last friend who lives in my town has left so now I am completely alone...no girlfriend, while both my sisters have boyfriends... I have no escape...I have debt collectors calling our business looking for me I owe at least $400,000 in debt and I am only 24...I am in quicksand and have no way out...it has been 10 years since my last suicide attempt that was public knowledge...I can't take it anymore...I don't know how to live without money or friends...I am a slave to myself and I am letting myself down at every turn...how to kill myself quickly...alcohool and pills, hanging myself, gun..please offer advice!!!!

[BadgerC]

I hade everything all rites out but then my power diysd so hear I live In the middle of knowher I can't dye in my sleep cuze that's my worst fear. Can't get to a tall building and can't touch my rists or neck I'm only fifteen and whale I can get. A shot gun cant get somthing to shoot myself with

[pruncess517]

u know there some people in this world that have nothing to live for, I had a horrible mother that use to beat me up for anything I did wrong, and a father that never cared about me, I never had anything nice in my life and had to support myself sense I was very young. Now I have a little boy that I don't know how to make his life better than mine, but am thinking about giving up to the government so he can have a better life, and end my life so he doesn't ever know that he had a mother that couldn't do right by him, I guess u don't really know what is like to really suffer in this world

[JoeyJM]

Hey I know what your going threw, Ive been a Opium addict for 12 years now and stuck on Methadone for 8 years of it and Im 31. Every day I wake up Im sweating, my whole body hurts, head ache, stomach ache and its a horrible pain, my house hold also looks at me like Im a piece of and Im at that point in my life now also, the thing with over dosing on Methadone or pills is you could end up worst off brain dead, liver failure, kidney failure so on and so forth... I do also feel like killing my self... Im financally a reck, my GF is the only one who understands but that doesnt fix anything, if you log back on man I'll be glad to talk

[ILuvYew1]

I got as far as the title.

Far enough for me to say DON'T DO IT!

Things are going to get better, it's just about how you choose to deal with it (and I hope for the sake of jesus christ the lord that it's a good choice)

 

Just please don't do it.

I don't know you, but i love you. You are cared for and would be missed.

 

Think about it like this if you did kill yourself [video=youtube;fB_6-KXbQYc] ]

[anthony raf]

im 29 and i think about letting go all of the time....when you feel like this just think orf your parents and family and your friends and how disappointed they would be....it really is selfish and if you dont think you'll ever be able to help yourself try and help some1 else ....do something

[anthony raf]

joeyjm.....im 29 in the same EXACT position as you man same exact hit me with ur email or facebook if you want to talk

[ihatemylife100]

I plan on hanging myself in the garage sometime between now and New Years. I can't wait to be done with this lousy life I have.

[kimbie667]

It sounds to me like you have not been diagnosed correctly. I am not a doctor; but I have been a nurse for over 18 years. This does not sound like Fibro. Fibro can many times come WITH another Rheumatologic diagnosis but with rashes and joint problems it sounds to me as though you have something else. How old are you? If you are

 

Also, maybe you got poison ivy or something; BUT did you get a tick bite, perhaps? There are many tests to find "tick-fever" and it takes years to surface. I have many of your same symptoms and have finally gotten diagnosed after 25 years. My husband and his family have made fun of me and raising my children has not been like it is supposed to be; yet I managed to go to nursing school twice and now I am in graduate school so I can live on my own in 2 years. Just trying to hang on. It's hard. My daughter is in college, who totally understands b/c she has had some of my same issues, unfortunately. All of my feeling so bad and never being validated, along with our lovely marriage has turned her into a lesbian though, sadly. My son told me last night I was a , and some other choice phrases, and that he hated me. I feel like parent of the year. My husband 'rewarded' him by helping him with his homework and telling him not to say that again. Wow, and I left for my mother's, where I hardly had the energy to breathe.

 

But you know what I decided? Why should I take my life? That will only prove that my husband is correct. That I AM crazy, and that it was mental and not physical. I will forever be denied proof of my own true suffering. My husband yesterday told me I was crazy, I did not know how to negotiate (except that that's all I've done to stay in school and work to keep our insurance the whole time we've been married-he's self-employed), everyone in the neighborhood thinks I am crazy, no one likes me, that I am not doing what my doctor's tell me (even though I basically eat nothing), that I have too many doctors, and yada, yada, yada.

 

The thing he and my son are forgetting is that he has to travel 22 more times this year and his parents are quite lazy, always have been. I have an attorney's name who I will call today and make an appt so that I cannot be blamed for "leaving my child". I am awaiting a GA license. When I get it, I will move my work to Atlanta where my companies' home office is, and work from there. I do not know where I will live, but I need some peace so I can heal.

 

You know I think in these cases one also has to just completely change healthcare providers as well. Once you get labeled, you're toast. I know what goes on behind the scenes, not to make your paranoid. You can ask you insurance company for a case manager via the customer service number on the back of your card. Most of them have them now. It is not fair that you are not being treated correctly. I used to work for a Rheum (who will not see me b/c I used to work for her) who graduated from a major university known for its medical teams, so I do know something of what I am talking about.

 

Do you have food allergies too? That's another thought. Many people who have really bad environmental allergies have the other b/c the body is just in a constant state of inflammation. I had a ton of them, hence why I have dropped so many foods. I also exercise (and my husband doesn't), I get massages when I can afford them, I get free treatments from people who are trying to get certified in things like "healing touch" therapy, and other body modalities. I do all kinds of things to help myself. My husband's accusations are ridiculous.

 

I know how you feel, I really do. It feels worse, epically, when you have affected others' lives, or you have no support and just live in one room all day long on a computer (that's how I work). When other's have laughed at you and not understood. But God is your savior. He is the only one who can really, truly set you free. I pray everyday that he will change my life. A psychiatrist once told me, "You have to just be the best you can be, and then if your husband doesn't follow, he will be the one who sticks out not you. Don't be angry, it won't help you". Interestingly, I saw his secretary in the grocery store yesterday. I had forgotten my Amex card, so I had to call my spouse to bring his. I had my arthritic mother at the store also, helping her get groceries. My husband stomped in, swiped the card at CS, then left before the fellow there punched it through. He did not help me with the heavy groceries (I had shoulder surgery a few months ago), he just left the store. Oh, he came back to look for his phone-

 

I was so embarrassed. I couldn't figure out if it was for me or for him.

 

Stay the course, do something good for yourself, and find some better doctors. Find someone who is integrative or functional medicine who takes insurance.

[Daleo]

Whatever you do read these words and take them to heart. Do not take your own life. There is not a circumstance or series of events that justifies it. Ever.

[mellyg]

LULZSEC? ?

I have read your forum I feel compelled to help.

I was wondering have you been tested for lyme disease?

My mother has lupus but she was miss diagnosed with fibermyalga and they tested her for lyme after we did research I am 80% positive you have this.

-You went into a wooded area

- you got a rash

-your illnesses started

-your illness is so all over the map

-you have NOT been tested for lyme?

 

For some reason dr do not test for this!!

 

Good news if this is in deed what u have its like 100% curable with meds!

[hatelife]

I read your story and I'm sorry you are going through all that. I noticed someone else asked if you had been tested for Lyme disease and I was going to ask the same thing. A friend of mine's husband went through 7 years of the same thing you are and it took blood tests through a naturapath to find out what it was. They were told everything you were and cancer but they couldn't find the cancer. Kidney you name it, everything but Lyme. Canada and the US don't recognize Lyme and don't have treatments. You would need to investigate Mexico and other places that are more familiar. Check out Elizabeth May's site as she is fighting for more recognition of diagnosis and treatment in Canada.

 

I hope you are still with us and find an answer. Go outside the western medicine to find an answer.

[hatelife]

Pruncess517 be there for your kid, giving him to government will make his life so much worse. It's in the papers and on the news daily. You don't want that for him.

I know the feeling of always being wrong and never doing anything right and disappointing yourself. But live for him and for you. Just treat him right, love him, feed him, listen to him, clothes on his back and a warm safe place to be and you and he's rich. If you are beating, yelling or abusing him get help to make it better.

You have the choice and the power to choose for both of you, as hard as it is (and it's not easy). If you are doing all the positive things I've mentioned then you are already making his life better than yours, based on what you've said.

Make a list of all the positives about yourself...1. you can support yourself, 2. you have a beautiful healthy son, 3. you are strong, 4 I'm sure you're beautiful too, 5 you care enough about your son to post for help... now you continue on.. 6.. 7... etc.

Then I want you to go and get yourself a nice big poster board in your favorite colour, next make a list of your dreams and goals, third write down what prevents you from having those goals.. ie education, money, love, fear, etc. then pick 3 that you want the most. Find some magazines, scissors and glue, go through those magazines and pick out pictures or phrases that are positive and give you a deep emotional response, cut them out. (yes you can expect to cry and bring up the crap that's holding you back). Then take the 1st goal/dream and picture that matches and glue it in the center of the board, then work around it. Keep it clean, clear and simple, not cluttered. Then when done post it in your bedroom and look at it every other day. When looking at it cross your hands and feet (clasping the hands by crossing wrists and holding hands together, it should be a little uncomfortable). While doing all that listen to a positive meditation and affirmation. All this is called a dreamboard and it really works to changing life for the better. you don't need to believe, just try it. I did and it's changing my life. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. Good luck.

[Capricorn3]

Old thread and OP has never returned. Closed.