Small town guy new in big city

[mikeca]

Hey there, I was wondering if anyone can give me any tips on transitioning from a smaller town to a big city. I've been here just over a year and haven't really found any good friends. I am a shy person but open up well once people get past the barrier. I am extremely busy with work and have met a few work friends but would like something more.

 

I have tried to join baseball leagues and hockey to get myself out there but there is often waitlists...I even joined a toastmasters club to help with work and public speaking and also just something to do!

 

I'm find it so odd that I'm really friendly but no tend to have no close friends...I started to read "How to win friends and influence people" as well and seem to think I do most of what it says to.

 

I'm just feeling a little alone today.

 

thanks guys/gals.

 

-mike`ca

[who knows]

hi there...well, i can only suggest things i did when i

 

1. moved to a different country, and then

 

2. moved from a village to a town 2 years ago, all in all, in the space of 5 years.

 

it was a lonely yet busy experience. i joined a drumming band, i went to evening classes, i had bbq's, i volunteered for the community, and yes, i've met some lovely people, but no-one who i'd call a close friend, someone you can be yourself with, laugh with, debate with (mind you, i do those things anyway, lol), but you know what i mean...a person who you just click with...feel 100% comfortable with.

 

well, 5 years later, i have found myself to be part of a wonderful group of women, i didn't seek it, it just happened. it formed on it's own, this group, slowly and wonderously, and i can safely say, we are all are close friends which are supportive, funny, crazy, kind, easy company. it formed via a local pub, which has bands at the weekends...i started to go there, alone, and a year later, here we are.

 

so, carry on what you're doing...sign up for evening classes? go see bands? invite work mates round for a dinner/bbq? look for volunteer work? walking groups? book clubs? start a club doing something you're good at? keep getting out there, mike 'ca.

 

it'll happen in it's own sweet time. and remember! you're not alone!

 

good luck and bless you.

[VeryConfused17]

I did the exact opposite. Moved from Big City to a small town and I am facing similair issues. I have work friends, and my neighbors, but no close-knit group. I volunteer in the community. I like what 'who knows' said. Just becoming a regular at a place. you become familiar with the wait staff, and with other regulars. In no time the barriers will come down. If you're not into the pub scene, try a coffee shop. I go to the same coffee shop a few times a week and work, read, or just kill time on my laptop there. Eventually people start to recognize you.

 

I think the best way IMO is through team sports. (if you're into sports that is). That sucks about waitlists, but you can try something new you. Try Rugby, or kickboxing. New City = New Challenges = New Experiences. Don't put much pressure on finding friends. It will happen on its own. Good Luck

[i22]

Does your city have a community Quidditch team? Probably no waitlist for that.

[Celadon]

Some ideas:

 

Did you go to a college that has an alumni group in your city? When I was out of college, I happened to meet some people my age who all went to the same college (I didn't go there) and they hung out together. It was great -- I just basically joined an already formed group!

 

Take a class where there's interaction with other students. You get to learn something you are interested in and you meet other people. If you don't like the people or the class, it ends soon enough.

 

Ask people you work with to do things with you outside of work. One key to developing friends is simply to see them frequently enough.

 

Go to link removed groups.

[The_Seeker]

This is what i have done so far.

 

-meetup

-gym

-work

-volunteer

 

But I'm hoping to practice running so I could participate charity events.