Insecure..

[tobereleased]

I don't know whats really going on with me. I havn't been in a relationship for a long time. Well, to be honest, i've only been in one relationship. The aftermath of that only left small shards of confidence.

 

I've been over my last relationship for a while now. It took me a long time, but i'm almost a completely new individual, built back from the ground up. I feel very powerful. Emotionally i can carry myself and a few others. I'm very much independent on that level. I've almost become a megalomaniac because of the confidance i get from my work, and my talent.

 

But when it comes to the opposite sex - i'm that 16 year old again, panicking and quivering. It's not necessairly just any girl. But when i start to like a girl, i can't seem to pull myself together.

 

I can't get past flirting without getting dizzy, and my heart start skipping beats. It's like i'm facing the grim reaper, and its incarnated into a delicious woman.

 

When girls are direct with their body language, pushing up next to me, touching me, whispering in my ear, licking their lips when they look at me, or when they wink at me etc. you know, direct signals...

 

I completely start to panick and end up ignoring them completely because i get so insecure.

 

and when i completely ignore them, it becomes rejection... So then awkard moments always arise. Like for example when my teacher and I were getting to know eachother, we were becoming good friends, we started to flirt a little and then i completely locked up on her---- and it completely ruined the semester...

 

thats it, thats the phrase, "I lock up"..

 

I've had some great opportunities to be with some wonderful women... But i lock up so easily...

 

Its like when theres any kind of emotional danger infront of me, my auto pilot kicks in, and shileds just erupt around me. Not to protect me, but to capture me.

 

ugh...

 

I've been locking up on this girl i just recently got to know. Well, i don't know her that well. But she's giving me signals. But she's getting frustrated. Although i've been able to unlock myself for a little bit to keep her interested. She might think i'm just playing with her, but everytime i see her its like i'm going to war, i grab my flak jakket and helmet and dive for cover- cause she's loaded.

 

Well, i don't really know what i'm saying anymore- its 2:20 a.m. right now and i got a class in the morning.

[sonjam]

How about in-direct contact. Have you tried getting her mail adress and sending her a note? That way the ice can be broken and you can exchange a few niceties, she will see you ARE interested, and well, then when you meet up face to face, it wont be that awkward anymore?? If there is no e-mail, try getting her phone number from friends. I find it is easier if you initially don't do it face to face. Even if it does not work the firs time, try and try again, eventually I think you will build up your confidence in relationships.

 

Another way is to ask a female friend you trust, to practice flirting with you, or tell the girls you like them - idunno, it's so difficult man!

 

I hope you figure this out......

[tobereleased]

We do have a friend in common... the problem is that this one friend (which is female) i sort of rejected. But i don't want to go through her friends, or be in-direct. From my point of view, that appears weak.

 

Being a face to face kind of person is what i want to be.

 

I'm still kicking myself about this one signal:

 

She kind of broke out singing that one song, i don't know the title, but it goes like this- i think "one way or another, i'm going to get you- get you.."

 

So she started singing it while looking at me...

 

i just don't know how to react.

 

 

What would you guys have done?