have you been dumped because your clingy?

[ut804]

Yea, my ex was the one to initiate everything in the beginning and called/text me all the time at first, which is how it's supposed to be. It was definitely all about him. Nothing was ever about my needs or wants. His way or no way.... very black and white.

 

Was your ex diagnosed as having BPD or are you labeling him? My ex didn't have any diagnosis perse, because he never went to anyone for help....because he didn't think he needed help But I definitely think he is a full blown Narcissist.

 

Yes, he was officially diagnosed with Bipolar. Actually we dated years ago in highschool, and I knew that in highschool he had anger issues and was in therapy. Years later we re-connected, and he seemed to have changed/ grew up. Wow was I wrong. He told me he was still in therapy, then he said he had ADHD and was on meds for it, then he also said how he had anger issues that he would project on innocent people, then he starting acting nuts and I knew there was more to it. Finally at the end of our 5 month relationshop was when he was diagnosed as Bipolar. But I think it's still more than that. I think he also might have Borderline Personality Disorder (in my opinion, I also have degrees in Psy.)

 

My ex was the type of guy to fall in love fast and hard. Then after being obsessed for a few weeks he just suddenly loses interest. Thats from the bipolar. He did this to me in highschool too. Falls in love so fast so quick then suddenly his feelings drop. And of course I notice this and confront him about it in which he just denies there is anything wrong and put the blame on me for everything. I treated him like a king, was forgiving, patient, kind, gave him a million chances. He had no real reason to break up with me. He dumped me because I had sent him 5 texts in one day (after he went days not talking to me). Of coyrse I really don't think this is the real reason. His feelings just changed and he just needed some excuse to end it. I don't truly think he thought I was clingy. probably just becaue of him being Bipolar made him go nuts and withdraw from everyone.

 

As someone said in another thread, the definition of clingy depends on the person. It was said that if two people are truly in love, then there is no such thing as anyone being perceived as clingy because they are so in love they can't get enough of each other. However, if one person doesn;t like the other, any and all contact might be perceived as being clingy.

[ut804]

This is what I always find interesting when we get accused as clingy...we would not get this way if the other person didn't start withdrawing without some form of communication. And it is more frustrating when they were the ones that started all the calling and wanting to see us in the beginning while we wanted to take things slow...Of course we are going to panic a bit when the other person starts to change their behaviour from the way we became used to. We start to get used to the attention etc...

 

Yes yes yes!

 

My ex was obsessed with me in the beginning. He texted me everyday, wanted to see me everyday, wanted me to be his girlfriend after a week of dating, showered me with sooo much attention and compliments. One month in he DRASTICALLY withdrew. He made up a rule where we can only see each other once a week. He didn't text me or call me much. When I texted him, he wouldn't answer. Now, naturally I think "this guy is losing interest in me". It *has* happened to me before, I'm not dumb. So I start to panic. I call and text more because I am not used to be starved for attention all of the sudden. Then he gets mad, says I'm clingy. Says I'm insecure. I explain to him how his behavior changed so suddenly. He denies anything is wrong. Says I am turning him off with my clingy behavior. I get confused. How?? But wasn't *he* clingy in the beginning? And that was OK? So he can be clingy when he wants, but God forbid I call him and he calls me clingy? Is it so wrong to want a once a day phone call?

 

Its unfair. They come and go as they please and don't give a crap if we miss them. They change so suddenyl and then get mad at US when we sense something is wrong. WTH??