Family crisis

[mellybj]

Hello,

I needs some advice on what to do. Here goes my story. It's kind of long. My husband and I have been together for five years. We have only been married for almost 2 years now. We have a 3 year old daughter. It all started right after we got married. We were living 2 hours away from each other, but then when we got married we moved in with him. By the way, he is 22 years older than me. I am 39 and he is 61. He lives in a remote area. I really have learned to love it. At the time it was hard for me to adjust. I will admit that. Well, 2 months after moving in with him. He just became really mean to me not physical just emotionally. One day I asked him if we could go to my families house which is 2 hours away and he got really upset and took off with our daughter. He was gone for about 5 hours and when he came back he said, that he went to Social services and filed full custody and also stated that I abused our daughter. I didn't understand what he was doing. He did drop it, but I had left. I couldn't take it anymore. Two weeks later we reconciled. A month later another incident happened he tried to choke me in front of our daughter because he was upset with me. I ended up turning him in to my counselor, so they said, that is child abuse. I didn't leave him right then. Another 2 months went by and another incident happened. My husband got upset with our daughter because she threw a toy at him he kicked her. Here comes CPS because I turned him into my counselor. My daughter and I left because when CPS was there he got really upset. We stayed with family for 2 weeks. He talked me into reconciling and we go back. Well, CPS isn't to happy either is the court. They makes us go to counseling. Everything is good for about 9 months. Well, I would just say bearable. I got involved with a church at met so many wonderful people. I have a very good friend and she is very encouraging to work on my marriage. The last incident that happened was about 5 months ago. My husband and I just weren't communicating at all. One night he became very upset with me and slapped me in front of our daughter. I got really scared and called the police. I had him arrested. I stayed with a shelter for a little while and then my daughter and I moved in with family. I have an order of protection for my daughter and I. Right now he has 2 criminal charges against him. My daughter and I moved back in the house he is not here and we cannot contact each other. I would like to reconcile with my husband, but the courts and CPS are not letting it happen. The courts have my daughter going to a therapist. They think she is traumatized. This is just a big mess. I really do love my husband and I believe he has changed. I am staying at the house, but it is hard because I don't have a job. Where we live is an hour away from everything. I just don't know what the right decision is anymore. If someone out there can give me advice. Sorry it is so long. Thanks!

[2bcome1]

I really dont think you should be with this man.Not only is he physically abusing you but your daughter to.How can any man do that to a 3year old child??.You say he has changed and he may have for now but in time it will start all over again.I would get as far away from him as possible.

[saluk]

How can you believe he changed? From what you have said he has really not given any indication of doing so. Any change in such drastic behavior in such a short period of time is not going to be a lasting change.

[mellybj]

Everyone keeps telling me this, but it is so hard. The pain is unbearable because i love and care for him so much. My daughter means the world to me. I just don't know where to begin.

[mhowe]

You begin and end w/ your daughter. He has done nothing to show any respect toward either of you, and would inevitably return to the same dangerous behavior as soon as he is stressed again.

 

Your daughter deserves to be safe. Focus on that.

[mellybj]

Thank you!! I need to keep hearing that. The crazy thing is I have been through domestic violence counseling and know what the right thing to do is. i just keep being stupid and wanting to go back to him.

[2bcome1]

Would you rather get beaten up every time he throws a wobbly and your daughter grow up desturbed?? You need to put your daughter and yourself first!!

[mellybj]

I know your right. My daughter still keeps talking about the last incident that happened 5 months ago.

[mhowe]

I know your right. My daughter still keeps talking about the last incident that happened 5 months ago.

 

Then every time you "remember" how much you "love him", remember what her last memory of him is.

[thischiciswack]

Maybe your right, and maybe he has changed, and things will get better. But I doubt he is. I know it's hard, and I know you love him, but for you and your daughters sake, in the end, it will be better to get out of the relationship. I know it seems impossible, but if you get out now while you can, you wont go through the rollercoaster of emotions where you love him, he hurts you, and your frightened and heartbroken. And in the end, it'll be so much better for you.

[TalkThatTalk9]

I grew up in an abusive household. it has effed my life up royally. my dad would hit me, pull my hair, slap me, call me names, beat the crap out of my brother, verbally abuse my mother.

 

if you let your daughter grow up in that, she will end up dating guys who beat her too (not for sure but most likely she will)

 

I just got out of a 6 year emotionally abusive relationship. my ex would scream at me, call me names when drunk. was always drinking. yet here I am wishing he would want me back. my family hates him yet I think he is wonderful. he threw things at me, flipped chairs, pushed me.

 

 

it will ruin relationships she has as an adult.

 

it will ruin her childhood. I hate every memory from my childhood.

 

get out of it while you can. and you can. believe me. my mom did it with NO money, she worked two jobs went to school took care of us.

 

yuo can do it. my aunt did it with 3 boys, nothing to her name. my grandma did it with 5 kids. her husband, my mother's biological father, beat my grandma and made her snort cocaine in front of the kids.

 

they are all messed up from it. get out please. he is not changed, he will not change

 

til he is sober a year or more, and has shown true change and commitment with therapy, don't even consider going back please.