Its been 1.5 years and i still think about ex...not sure what to do.

[lor90236]

Hi everyone. Basic info..Broke up in september 2010. NC since november 15 (via text). haven't talked on the phone since last June.

 

Since the break up, Ive grown tremendously, got back into the things I've loved, gone on a few dates, and I'm even moving to a new city. My life is pretty much great, can't complain.

 

But for some unknown reason..I still think about my ex. As much as I've moved on in my life and am back to my normal self, my feelings haven't diminished at all. I just miss that person and my life feels incomplete without my ex in it (even just the friendship part).

 

Is it normal to still think about someone this long after a break up? Im not really sure what to do about it. Any advice would be great. Thanks.

[LDRohnos]

Hi everyone. Basic info..Broke up in september 2010. NC since november 15 (via text). haven't talked on the phone since last June.

 

Since the break up, Ive grown tremendously, got back into the things I've loved, gone on a few dates, and I'm even moving to a new city. My life is pretty much great, can't complain.

 

But for some unknown reason..I still think about my ex. As much as I've moved on in my life and am back to my normal self, my feelings haven't diminished at all. I just miss that person and my life feels incomplete without my ex in it (even just the friendship part).

 

Is it normal to still think about someone this long after a break up? Im not really sure what to do about it. Any advice would be great. Thanks.

 

In short, yep it isn't uncommon at all. Ask yourself, do you think about a family member who died years ago still? Or your old dog you owned when you are 10 that died? It's the same thing...you never really forget relationships, we give a part of ourselves to each one that lasts and in turn each relationship becomes a part of us that only diminishes over time. It never really goes away entirely. Eventually you become more and more numb to it...but the thoughts will probably be there the rest of your life.

[lor90236]

Sure I have thoughts about events/people like that, but this is unusual for me. I think about this person a lot because I want them in my life. Im dealing with it, but the thoughts haven't subsided. I feel stuck because we haven't talked.

[sonicfan287]

Im just curious if youve gone on any other dates in this time frame? I completely understand if you havent, because Im the same way

[LDRohnos]

Sure I have thoughts about events/people like that, but this is unusual for me. I think about this person a lot because I want them in my life. Im dealing with it, but the thoughts haven't subsided. I feel stuck because we haven't talked.

 

I think along the same lines. What could have been with this one, what I could have done differently with that one. There's no going back, there never is. What exactly would you want to say to him that has been unsaid at this point?

 

You said you went on a few dates...what were those dates like?

[lor90236]

I have gone on dates and I'm still open to dating, but just haven't met anyone that I would actually want to have a relationship with...

[Seymore]

She mentioned she went on other dates, but it doesn't sound like she's had an actual relationship since her ex.

 

OP, it's very normal. It's been 3 1/2 years for me and I still catch myself thinking about my ex, albeit seldom. I believe the reason why is because I haven't been in a relationship since then. I've gone on dates and stuff, but my ex was the last person I had a relationship with - so of course you'll think of "the last time X happened" and it'll involve your ex. When you find a new relationship, your new experiences will be more "fresh" and that'll help. Just don't do it for the sake of hoping to overwrite memories of your ex, because that's no foundation for a relationship.

 

It wanes over time on its own, so don't lose heart or think there's something wrong, because there isn't.

[lor90236]

Okay so dates: casually dated this guy I actually had a crush on a few years back, but I backed out of furthering it because we were just at different places in our lives. I have met a few other guys, but I didn't want to further anything with them. (Im not picky, i just didn't want to date them).

 

I would just want to tell my ex what I'm up to in life right now, and how I've changed in a lot of great ways.

 

Im not trying to reflect on the past, if anything, I want a clean slate and see where it goes from there...but Im afraid my ex won't want the same. Im afraid Ill be humiliated..

[Seymore]

He broke up with you. You shouldn't have to explain to him what you've been up to and all of that. He couldn't figure out what he wanted, so he should be the one to come to you since he did the dumping.

[lor90236]

you're absolutely right. Hopefully even more time will ease my mind.

[Seymore]

Trust me, it will get better. It's just a bump and it happens to plenty of people.

[lor90236]

thank you

[Moontiger]

Took me over two years to get completely over my ex. It was about three years before I started dating again. And, I still think about him from time to time and I am in a new relationship of six months! I dated my ex for three years and we were a hairs breath away from being engaged. You can't just forget someone you put that much time into.

 

Don't push yourself. There is no set time table for these things!

[msara2217]

It's been 3 years and I still think about the girl I dated for a solid 8 years. I broke up with her in the end because I felt like I needed to date around and I wasn't ready for where we were headed. I often regret it to this day, and I think about her in one way or another almost every day. She was probably the right one for me, really. Since then, I have dated one other girl pretty seriously, but (very recently) had to break up with her because it wasn't right. Me thinking about my ex pretty often (even with NC since the break up) was a pretty huge hint that it wasn't right...I was always comparing.

 

SO, point is, I think it is normal. And chances are, he thinks about you too. I am sure you left a mark on him as he did you, so take comfort in the fact that you are not forgotten either. I know that isn't a huge help probably...but what should be a huge plus is that you said you have essentially gotten back to being you. That is what is most important. When you meet the next important guy, you will remain you if it is right.

[Mayforce]

2 more months, it will be 1 yr from my BU as well.

 

Lor's first post would remind me of those successful get back together cases, who they contacted their ex years later and started over again. Maybe Lor's is at the place and just need to make a contact and see how it goes.

 

My aunt told me first to be comfortable with yourself, alone then you can have or offer a comfortable relationship with someone else. I think it's you who decide what you gonna do with your missing about your ex.

 

It's easier just moving on and remaining the past in the past than pick it up again and working it out. So, just ask yourself what you want in your life. Make decision.

 

Nobody knows and can say what is wrong or right, to restart or move on. It's just your life, your wish. Good luck.

[lor90236]

Thanks you guys, I don't feel so pathetic anymore about still thinking about my ex. As much as I want to contact him, the time is not right. He moved to a new city this winter for a job (DC), and I am moving to Denver soon. I often do compare him to other guys. I don't mean to, and I appreciate the comfort I had from the others, but it just happens anyways. He did break up with me, and he was much like msara..however he said he wanted to be with me and only me, but he was scared of commitment at the time and was just starting his career that he is very passionate about. So, that being said, I guess ill just sit back yet move on because like Seymour said, he dumped me. If he would ever want me back in my life again, he should contact me.