Don't know how to make other female friends

[xmrth]

I don't know how to make friends (who are girls). Plain and simple. Or is that really the problem?

 

In the past 5 years, I have only hung out with people about 4 times (other than my boyfriend who I've been with for just as long- -but not the reason as to why I don't have friends)

 

I don't know what it is... People just don't seem to like me. I'm friendly, I'm not mean or anything like that. I'll get into conversations, things go well.. but no one ever wants to talk to me outside of college and work. I have no trouble getting male friends... why does it have to be so hard with the girls?

[Beec]

The simplest recommendation, read what is probably the oldest book in this genre still published: Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People". It's excellent.

[xmrth]

Thanks! I'll check that out.

[guitarman]

Hey man ... I read that book too ... you get really great insights on how to bridge friendships to other people. Well, most of the problems that we face emotionally can actually be resolved internally. Well, if you can't change the environment, why not change yourself. I guess influencing people really means giving them what they want before asking them for what you want.

 

In a way, i guess you shouldn't try so hard to make friends with females. You should do what you are comfortable with ... be yourself. If you try so hard to put on a false front, or even do something you don't usually do to win a person over, you end up getting tired of constantly trying to be or do something you are not. And friendships can still falter by the realization of the truth.

 

Hence, maybe you can try to tell yourself NOT to EXPECT anything from them (the females). Just be yourself .... talk to them not because you want to win them over ... but because you genuinely care. Convince yourself that you care ... you love ... and you are interested to know them ... whether or not you get anything back.

 

And remember, you can't please everybody. There is bound to be someone who gives relunctant and negative responses. But don't give up just because of turn offs like that. Just be naturally loving and interested, and you WILL reap the returns some day.

 

If you can'tget anything out from this reply ... just remember this one point ... "people need the feeling of importance". As long as they feel important, that they hold some position in your heart .... you've won them over.

 

Just me

Guitarman.

[xmrth]

That's very true- - a few years ago I would make my personality a bit different to win over some friends. It seemed to work a bit.. but then there's the problem of keeping at it. (being witty, etc.)

I'm completely myself with my personality now and no one seems interested in wanting to get to know me more.

 

What you have said about just talking to them without the intent of winning them as friends is something I have not tried. I am going to give that a shot.

 

Your comment was very helpful to me, thank you

[Beec]

That's very true- - a few years ago I would make my personality a bit different to win over some friends. It seemed to work a bit.. but then there's the problem of keeping at it. (being witty, etc.)

I'm completely myself with my personality now and no one seems interested in wanting to get to know me more.

 

What you have said about just talking to them without the intent of winning them as friends is something I have not tried. I am going to give that a shot.

 

Your comment was very helpful to me, thank you

 

I am all for being yourself. I think when you stop caring whether someone likes you, then they have a chance to like the real you. I also know that you need to like yourself. But, you also, more than talking to people, need to listen to them. We all want to talk. Not everyone wants to listen.