too high of expectations of self

[fireside]

I have a family who I know will be there for me, great friends, a career... but for the life of me, I can't get myself to be happy. I don't feel I'm entitled to be happy, because when I am, it gets stripped away without me sinking into it. Maybe my expectations of myself are too high or unreasonable. That's if I reach that small goal, I don't rest on my laurels, I feel the need to get to the next level.

 

Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is when I think that there are people around me who look up to me. Or think that I have a wonderful life. It's exhausting. The pressure of life is getting to me. The responsibilities to the people around me are really weighing on me. I want to shake it off, but I don't know how.

[RitaTrue]

No one is pushing you like this. YOU are the one pushing yourself into exhaustion and near-depression. You need to accept that you have worth for who you ARE, not by what you DO.

 

I suggest buying a healthy dose of self-improvement books on self-acceptance. Find group support in your area. And possibly a counselor also.

[fireside]

No one is pushing you like this. YOU are the one pushing yourself into exhaustion and near-depression. You need to accept that you have worth for who you ARE, not by what you DO.

 

I suggest buying a healthy dose of self-improvement books on self-acceptance. Find group support in your area. And possibly a counselor also.

 

I agree that I do it to myself. I have to pinpoint what is motivating me to exhaustion and near-depression. it's so weird. I exude confidence on the outside but on the inside, I am crumbling and sinking on quicksand.

 

geez, i need to snap out of this self-pity.

[Batya33]

I can be like that. Work on the habit of being grateful for the small steps you do every day. For example, if you work out, and you finish your work out, acknowledge that to yourself without any "but I could have worked harder" - and treat yourself the way you'd treat a dear friend -if she said to you "ugh I just forced myself to make a really difficult phone call to my boss" would you say "that's great but remember you're going to have to make many phone calls like that and you got too stressed over it" -no you would say "good for you -you must feel relieved!".

[fireside]

I can be like that. Work on the habit of being grateful for the small steps you do every day. For example, if you work out, and you finish your work out, acknowledge that to yourself without any "but I could have worked harder" - and treat yourself the way you'd treat a dear friend -if she said to you "ugh I just forced myself to make a really difficult phone call to my boss" would you say "that's great but remember you're going to have to make many phone calls like that and you got too stressed over it" -no you would say "good for you -you must feel relieved!".

 

that makes sense. i need to learn how to spin things around in a positive light and acknowledge little victories.

[TessaB]

i don't know if i can be of any help, but i just wanted to say that i feel almost identical. i was coming to this section to actually post something similar. i have a great family, a great life growing up, good support system, good friends, good job, etc. was always accepted, people get along with me. yet i still feel like i struggle with doing more, doing better, etc. there is no one putting the pressure on me but myself.

 

i think the advice in this has been good so far. especially working on gratitude, that's something i try to do as much as i can. recognize the little things and be grateful

[human 19]

The word "driven" springs to mind.

The question is why?

 

I don't feel I'm entitled to be happy, because when I am, it gets stripped away How does it get stripped away....do you feel you dont deserve to be happy? Do you feel guilty that you are not striving more instead of enjoying yourself?

 

Maybe my expectations of myself are too high or unreasonable. That's if I reach that small goal, I don't rest on my laurels, I feel the need to get to the next level. YOUR expectations? Or someone else's?

 

When I think that there are people around me who look up to me. Who are you meaning to impress?

 

Just curious...what were you parents' expectations of you in school? Did they have a philosophy about working hard? What were thier jobs?

 

I would suggest going to a councillor. Immediate goal... learn to be able to relax and enjoy some down time witouth worry.