xstar Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Today I had a really hard time at school. My study team had a feedback session on our year today and I got really negative reviews. I use to be really happy but then personal things arose for my boyfriend and I, and I really retreated from investing time in school and my classmates. Now I feel really terrible for not being able to 'keep up appearances' and seperating my personal and professional life. I'm not sure how I'm going to do well during a really tough job this summer without my boyfriend. Its during times like these that I use to call him for support and he would always make me feel better. Now I have no one to talk to. I just really wish I could call him and tell him that I miss me and it kill me that I can't. Link to comment
OracleofDoom Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Just take small steps into getting back into your school stuff. Study team...feed back session...negative reviews...you need to get out fo the matrix. Link to comment
xstar Posted April 20, 2012 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 Well, these review sessions are a part of my school work.. so it wasn't my choice to have them. Link to comment
camus154 Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 You got negative feedback because, as you admitted, your investment in school work is suffering due to your personal life. Don't let that negative feedback only snowball into a feedback cycle of more negativity....accept it objectively, take responsibility for it, and work at putting in the effort once again. I know it's extremely difficult, but life simply won't stop moving just because you're going through a heart ache. Don't expect it to, because if you do, it will only act to reinforce all the crummy stuff you're already feeling inside. And are there no friends/family members you can talk to? If not, you always have this place. Link to comment
OracleofDoom Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Doesn't mean you have to believe its the bible...just do the best you can. Being on the bottom is a good learning experience sometimes. Link to comment
xstar Posted April 20, 2012 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 You got negative feedback because, as you admitted, your investment in school work is suffering due to your personal life. Don't let that negative feedback only snowball into a feedback cycle of more negativity....accept it objectively, take responsibility for it, and work at putting in the effort once again. I know it's extremely difficult, but life simply won't stop moving just because you're going through a heart ache. Don't expect it to, because if you do, it will only act to reinforce all the crummy stuff you're already feeling inside. And are there no friends/family members you can talk to? If not, you always have this place. I know you're right. I just don't know how to 'fake' being happy and engaged when I'm depressed, upset and sad. I had an interview for a job two days after my boyfriend and I broke up. I cried before the interview, got myself together for it the interview, somehow sat through the three hours on the brink of tears, then left and broke down as soon as I was around the corner. Somehow ended up getting job.. but that was a three hour interview. I have no idea how to keep myself together for days and weeks at a time. I've never been able to compartmentalize my life - all of my boyfriends have had an amazing ability to do so so maybe its a guy thing - but I have no idea how. This just makes me more scared for the summer. If I knew how to make fake it for a consistent period of time I'd be more than willing to do that. Link to comment
OracleofDoom Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 You don't need to compartmentalize, you need to simplify. And first you need to decide who you want to be. Quit faking it. Nothing wrong with being in a state of grief. You owe it to yourself to express yourself honestly. Link to comment
xstar Posted April 20, 2012 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 You don't need to compartmentalize, you need to simplify. And first you need to decide who you want to be. Quit faking it. Nothing wrong with being in a state of grief. You owe it to yourself to express yourself honestly. My honest expression is to sit at home and be depressed. Not exactly the kind of behavior that allows you to do well in school or be promoted Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 My honest expression is to sit at home and be depressed. Not exactly the kind of behavior that allows you to do well in school or be promoted Get off the couch and out into the world. Find one thing you are passionate about...and pour yourself into it...study it, lose yourself in it...become knowledgeable and the best at it you are capable of. Since you are concerned about the summer, make it a point to do this "project" between June and late August before school starts up again..it will help pass the time. When you do, your self confidence will improve...and when that happens, its kinda like a vortex; all the other things in your life get sucked into the jet-stream, and things will improve dramatically. Link to comment
xstar Posted April 20, 2012 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 My honest expression is to sit at home and be depressed. Not exactly the kind of behavior that allows you to do well in school or be promoted Get off the couch and out into the world. Find one thing you are passionate about...and pour yourself into it...study it, lose yourself in it...become knowledgeable and the best at it you are capable of. Since you are concerned about the summer, make it a point to do this "project" between June and late August before school starts up again..it will help pass the time. When you do, your self confidence will improve...and when that happens, its kinda like a vortex; all the other things in your life get sucked into the jet-stream, and things will improve dramatically. Yea I know. One of the problem is that I'm not really enjoying school or what I'm studying. Honestly, I'd rather not be here but I have no choice and need to graduate. At least before I had my relationship to look forward to. Link to comment
brian12345 Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Hi xstar, I don't have too much in the way of sage advice, but I can relate to the school aspect of things. I'm 2 months out of my BU and I've been able to focus well enough at work....but I absolutely can't stand doing my school work. I'm a part time grad student, I'm actually in a program that I really like and have enjoyed classes in previous semesters, but I can't be alone and do work without my mind wandering. Like you I'm trying to just survive this semester by passing my classes with bare minimum effort. I will say that I've been able to focus a little better in the last couple weeks....I don't know how far out of the BU you are but by the time you start your summer job you may have your emotions more under control, and work may prove to actually be a good distraction. We all heal at different rates, but just keep taking it one day at a time and you'll find yourself better able to focus on tasks before you as time passes. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Just a word of advice, and I am sure you know this, but it bears repeating: NEVER, under any circumstances, let your relationship be the best thing in your life....it should compliment your life, add joy and love and companionship...NEVER be all that you have or all that you focus on....there is SO MUCH more to your life and the world around for you to fixate on just him or the relationship. NEVER, under any circumstances, let a relationship, or a person for that matter, define you as a person and validate your life or happiness....NEVER, EVER. Good luck in finding your way.....I hope it all works out for you. Link to comment
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