orgazmo Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 i have a problem...My best friend broke up with his girlfriend (they went out for two years and broke up in April) and now i have a strong crush on her. i do not know what to do because my best friend and i are in a band as well, but i have feelings for his ex...For the past month or so we have been hanging out more--i have not done anything with her yet (i.e. kissing, etc.), but would not mind making a move and telling her that i have feelings for her...Suggestions are welcomed. Link to comment
AN2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 If it was me, I would tell your friend about it first. Chances are its not a big deal, but it would solve any future problems, and show respect. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 This is something you shoud either drop and forget or talk with your friend about. Link to comment
lunatic Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Number 1 rule when it comes to friends and their ex's. Ask before you do anything with her at all. Talk to your friend and ask him how he would feel about you two dating. Tell him that if he is not cool with it (because of his feelings) and then drop it. Never ever date a friends ex because it will lead to a fight between you and him. It all comes down to respecting your friend and if you have any then this girl has to go. I would bet that he has feelings about her and would probably get mad at you for even talking to her. I mean two years is a long time to be with someone. Hubman 8) Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 This situation is very cut and dry she is your best friends ex gf which means she is off limits. Expand your dating circle otherwise situations like this can create massive problems if you did try to pursue anything with your friends ex. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 agreed...even asking him may cause a big conflict, you need to be very carefull. Link to comment
ForAnother Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 I would think that you need to ask him... if he still has feelings for her, he is going to say go ahead, because otherwise the message could be sent on that he still likes her. So be prepared to lose him no matter what. ForAnother Link to comment
orgazmo Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 the thing is...he has moved on and has a girlfriend already, i have already talked to him about this, but very very vaguely (saying that she and i went to a baseball game-which we did)...i do not think that he would blow me off completely just because that we write music together and have been in a band for three years now...also i do not think that i could just move on with her--this girl is really special. i known her for a while too--its kinda hard to forget about her. any more suggestions? Link to comment
Scout Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 It sounds like you have already made your decision, despite the fact that many of the posters here are strongly urging you to reconsider this. I'm one of them - I wouldn't even ask your best friend, I'd drop the subject and never think about getting involved with her again. But again, it sounds like you have made up your mind. Just be prepared to possibly lose your best friend and other friends, too, who may not be cool with the fact that you are so quickly ready to move in on a friend's ex. This could mess up your reputation, and if you're still ready to plow full steam ahead, I guess nothing can stop you. Link to comment
Fistandantilus Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 I totally disagree with what everyone says here. My friends and I have talked about this several times and we all agree that if you like a friend's ex then the best thing to do is ask him if it was okay to see her. A friend will not get mad at this, it's a sign of showing respect by approaching your friend and asking him if it's okay. One of my friends actually asked me if he could see an ex of mine and I said sure go ahead. He said "Are you sure because I don't want you to get mad or anything that's why I am asking". I had no problem with it what so ever. The fact that he respected me enough, as a friend, to ask me was good enough for me to say "Go For It"! It's been 5 months now since they broke up, he's moved on, so most likely he will say it's okay. If he says it would bother him then back off. If he was a real friend he wouldn't get mad at you for asking first. I think he would recognize it as that "sign of respect". Link to comment
kipster Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 i have a problem...My best friend broke up with his girlfriend (they went out for two years and broke up in April) and now i have a strong crush on her. i do not know what to do because my best friend and i are in a band as well, but i have feelings for his ex...For the past month or so we have been hanging out more--i have not done anything with her yet (i.e. kissing, etc.), but would not mind making a move and telling her that i have feelings for her...Suggestions are welcomed. This is not worth it, IMHO, even if you speak to your friend about it. Why you ask? Because your friend might lie to not show you that he still cares about her when he does, then you go out with her with his pseudo-blessing and meanwhile you're tearing him up on the inside when he sees the two of you together. Think about this, is it really worth it? Out of all the girls in the world, you're choosing your *COUGH* BEST FRIEND'S *CHOUGH* Ex? C'mon, if that's a friend, I'd hate to see an enemy. I would never even consider dating an EX of my best friends even if they were YEARS removed from dating. They fall into my, immediately unattractive bin, once she and my friend start dating. That makes it very easy. My friendship is not worth some crush that isn't going to last long in almost all instances. But the decision is yours... Kip Link to comment
orgazmo Posted October 3, 2004 Author Share Posted October 3, 2004 first off, why would you say something like, "i would never date my best friends ex even if they were years apart", what if she was the one? enough of that...i talked to my friend (by the way best friend and a band mate) and i basically told him that i had a crush on his ex. well, as a matter of fact he thanked me for telling him that i like her and that he really has nothing against me going out with her (see there is a thing called communication...it is a little better than just dropping a problem all together)...so there you go--some of you people typing away on this lame message board (might i add some over 30 years old) and telling people what to do...hey, some advise is bad advise, but some is good... get a life. Link to comment
kipster Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 first off, why would you say something like, "i would never date my best friends ex even if they were years apart", what if she was the one? enough of that...so there you go--some of you people typing away on this lame message board (might i add some over 30 years old) and telling people what to do...hey, some advise is bad advise, but some is good... get a life. This is comical orgazmo. First in your initial thread you ask for 'suggestions' and say they are 'welcomed' only to then shoot the messenger and then you criticize people for what you assume to be their age, for giving you the exact advise that you requested? If you don't want advice or 'suggestions' don't ask for them. But to ask for it, and perhaps not get the info you hoped for, then 'shoot' the messenger actually shows more of your age than it does those responding to your request. Good luck though... Kip Link to comment
Pooleyusa Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 my friend recently hooked up wif his m8s ex. he was really mad at him for about a day but i figured they worked itout so id ask ur friend b4 u ask his ex Link to comment
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