Help please, feeling really down, how do i get him out of my mind?

[sydneygirl87]

After all the mind games and being told that everything would be great again, its actually over this time. He hasnt tried to call, he didnt want to talk to me when i wanted to talk about things last night, yet he was the one wanting to get back with me one week ago and sucked me in even though i said no. I really thought things would change. I think this is harder than the initial break up. Im at work, trying to hold back the tears, and act ok. I only slept for 2 hours last night, ive been awake since 2am. Does anyone have any advise on how to get through this day? I want to forget about him completley but hes all i can think about.

[seoulmate]

I know it's hard...

 

Honestly...time will be your only friend...it just takes time.

 

And even months later you may feel like things are not getting better -- but it slowly will.

 

I've read soooo many posts on here about ways people TRY to get over things but the only constant (I seem to find that works for people) is time.

 

You can't force yourself to heal faster. No matter how many hobbies you try, friends you hang-out with, or dates you go on, the only thing that will truly help you is time.

 

What I find that helps is when my ex contacted me I would stay strong and either ignore or give distant responses. I never initiated contact. And slowly I reversed the feeling from feeling broken-up with to feeling that I was now rejecting her. As shallow as that may sound, it actually helped me to realize I missed her less than I hated being rejected. Once I felt that I had regained "control" in the break-up I was able to feel self-empowered and relieved.

 

The more you give him "nibbles" of your time and your life the more he will bite-off. Deny him of that chance and you will heal faster.

[NANNYSTUDENT]

My only advice is there isn't a quick fix and you will be thinking about him for quite sometime. I am 4 mos in and think about him daily allll the time and still taking sleeping pills to sleep. It is a long road. Mine was a Long term relationship in which we lived together so it adds so healing and complexity to the situation. Not knowing yours but going off what you said and what you are asking for.... I will say there is absolutely no quick fix.... I have destroyed myself mentally, physically, and emotionally for 4 mos straight trying for a way to just turn that part of me off and it doesn't work. Nothing has worked for me. I am actually moving out of state in May because I feel stuck in my healing holding pattern. Not much "help" but just so you know you aren't alone nor are you crazy or not normal. This is the worst pain and psychological frustration I have ever experienced.... it isn't for the faint of heart and it just plain sucks.

[PrettyGood]

I think you're emotionally exhausted because you don't let yourself to sleep properly. So you may always tell your boos "I'm sorry, I'm really not feeling well today" and go home to sleep. Don't do anything else. Well, you may also make a warm bubble bath to relax, drink some natural medicine to calm yourself down and go to sleep. Everything will look much brighter and better next day. Don't write him. Now he made a mistake for a second time. Don't ever let him break your self-confidence and trust. Respect yourself. This time, IF he decides to return after time, keep repeating "No, sorry, it's over for sure. Have a nice day." It's HIS loss.

[confused1979]

Awww My thoughts are with you. It is tough, try to keep yourself as busy as possible and if you can be around family or friends after work.

 

No two situations are the same but my ex finally arranged to catch up with me, she sent me sexual text messages etc..then minutes before we were to catch up for a drink she said she was tired and going home. She contacts me everyday and I have not been strong enough to ignore her messages. You say you want to forget about him but you will not be able to for a while but what you can do it not let those thoughts control you. I read a book called "stop thinking, start living" author is Richard Carlson. I recommend it, really helped me through a tough break up a year ago.

 

Below is a link that shares some of the points from the book.

 

link removed

 

If you want someone to listen or a stranger to vent to, I'm happy to listen If I could I would send some of this Adelaide sunshine your way

[Flyers]

I know how you're feeling. Been there -- kind of there right now. In my opinion, people who get over their exes in short order probably weren't really in love. If you really loved this guy, chances are, it's going to take some time. Like Seoulmate and NS said, time really is the only significant cure. I always hated hearing the old cliche, "time heals." But, it's true. At first, emotions are super raw, but time marches on and you'll somehow find a way to deal with the pain in a healthier way. Find victory in small accomplishments. For me, I'd cry a lot at the beginning (daily). But, as time went on, I'd find myself feeling melancholy but no longer felt a need to cry all the time. A little more time goes by and you find yourself going a whole day without thinking about him. Maybe you'll then be able to listen to a song that used to make you cry your eyes out and feel much less emotion about it. Next thing you know, you start having really good days. The bad ones still creep in -- but damn, do the good ones feel good in comparison. You get the idea. These all sound like small feats, but when you've have your heart broken, these little things are a big deal. Hang in there and do your best to move on -- in your own way. It hurts bad, but at least your not alone.

[sydneygirl87]

Thanks everyone, trying to stay positive, its just hard. As you say time heels everything. I guess its hard because for the first time hes not trying to contact me. In the back of my mind i kind of knew he would always be there and now hes not.

[KT7777]

After all the mind games and being told that everything would be great again, its actually over this time. He hasnt tried to call, he didnt want to talk to me when i wanted to talk about things last night, yet he was the one wanting to get back with me one week ago and sucked me in even though i said no. I really thought things would change. I think this is harder than the initial break up. Im at work, trying to hold back the tears, and act ok. I only slept for 2 hours last night, ive been awake since 2am. Does anyone have any advise on how to get through this day? I want to forget about him completley but hes all i can think about.

i'm going through that now and my fam is even dreaming about my ex wife and baby girl coming back.just stay strong and take your time,one day the dreams will start to fade away.