sydneygirl87 Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Ok so basically here to vent today. So after 2 days of NC, my ex called me last night and asked if he could come over. I initially said no, then caved in and said yes. I have been feeling alot better the last few days so i thought i would be able to see him and it wouldnt really hurt me as much as before. He came around and I asked him why he came, he said because he missed me. We had sex and cuddled and went to sleep. It was really nice. He looked great and it made me miss him more. This morning he dropped me at work, being cold again, which made me feel like sh*t. Now im here at work, basically back to square one again, there are no tears this time but i just feel an emptyness. I know i shouldnt have let him come over. I just dont understand. He broke up with me, and dosent want a relationship, yet when i initiate NC, he says that he cant do that and calls me everyday, then wants to come and stay over. I know its headgames and i know i shouldnt have let him come around but i guess its easier said then done, huh. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I just dont understand. He broke up with me, and dosent want a relationship, yet when i initiate NC, he says that he cant do that and calls me everyday, then wants to come and stay over. . I'll explain. The reason he says he can't do NC when you initiate and calls you and asks to stay over is because YOU HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Well, I'm sorry to say this but you were used. It's okay though, it happens all the time with people that recently break up. He needed an ego stroke, and he went back to you to make him feel as if he's wanted/desired/needed again. He got what he wanted out of you and now you aren't needed anymore. Until the next time. There will be a next time he says he "misses" you and wants to come over. Then the next day he'll be gone, once again. Just don't let him use you again. Don't even talk to him unless he comes back to you with the intention of starting a relationship again with you, not a one night stand so he can get an ego booster shot then ditch you again. I know it's hard after a breakup to have some self-confidence but you have to do what's best for you, and sleeping with someone you recently broke up with isn't the right answer. There will be a repeat of this, I promise you. Next time don't give in because you're in a weak place. In fact, go NC with him and keep it that way so you have the chance to rebuild your self-confidence/esteem for yourself. He can't help you, in fact he's going to end up hurting you even more. It may not be malicious intent on his part, but he's doing it for his own gain, not yours. Link to comment
SuperDuper Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Yep, easier said than done... as are most things in life. From my perspective he's clearly liking the attention you give him without the need for commitment. It's many guy's dream to be able to have sex without having to be a boyfriend afterwards. You caved ONCE and he took advantage so it seems. You said he was cold... did you guys mentioning getting back together or what? I think you should tell him if he doesn't want to honestly get back together (or at least work on getting there) then you don't want to hear from him any longer. He should respect this (if he's just using you) and back off. If he persists without good intentions then you don't want this guy in your life period. Either way.. tell him once if he doesn't get his act together then the door is closed for good. It's up to YOU to stick to your word or else us strangers can't help you through self-caused heartache. Wish we could! Good luck Link to comment
sydneygirl87 Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 He asked me last time he came over which was a few weeks ago, if i would consider trying again and taking things very slow this time. I said that i wasnt sure and that i needed time. He has explained that he still cares about me deeply but he just cannot be in a relationship right now. He offered to drive me somewhere on saturday, which is doing me a massive favour as its an hour away and everyone else is working, and there is no possibility of sex in that situation. Before he came last night i explained to him that if he wanted sex forget about it because its not going to happen, but then i initiated it (not him).....yes i know - idiot!!! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 As long as you continue to provide him with free benefits, he'll continue to tell you he doesn't want a relationship. Since he feels no need to put in any effort, this works just fine for him. Why not go "NC" and give him a taste of what life is like without you in it? Link to comment
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