When will this pain ever end?

[ce1975]

I have never joined an online forum and have been using this site as a guide to help me through this tough time. It's been good to see that others are in my same situation and the support that they receive from this online network.

 

My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with my 5 weeks ago. He told me that he felt we were in a rut and we needed to get married or break up and he did not want to marry me. I was completely devestated and did not take the news well at all. Some days I think I'm going to be okay and others like tonight, I don't know how I'm going to make it through this.

 

The tough part is that we are still living in the same house. We have been living together for 6 of the 7 years that we have been together. It's just so hard seeing him all the time and not have the relationship that I want to have with him. I know for my own sanity that I have to move on and get out of this house (I'm currently looking to buy my own house), but part of me has still been holding out thinking that he would change his mind.

 

I had been doing better for the last few weeks and tonight I ended up breaking down and questioning his decision to leave me all over again. He told me tonight that he is over it and it's been 5 weeks and I should be over it too. How can someone you have been with for 7 years just be completely over you in 5 weeks. I wish that I could be like that and just turn my feelings for him off.

 

I really don't think that he's seeing anyone else, but he told me tonight that he would eventually be seeing other people and I was just going to have to get used to that idea. The thought of him with someone else just breaks my heart even more and makes me sick to my stomach. How can I keep my mind from wondering and thinking all of these thoughts?

[icme]

hey, I'm sorry for what's happened. if its any consolation, we all know what you're going through and it's the worst, most horrible time anyone could ever have to endure.

 

from your post, it sounds like there's not much you can do to change your ex's decision, but one thing is certain – if there is any hope (and its often more painful to hold out for this possibility and it delays the point at which you can start recovering) you won't get there by staying in the house being devastated in front of him. you've got to move out asap!! don't wait to buy a house – this could take months… move out now to a friend or family even, then you can find your own place.

 

it will completely do your head in by staying with someone who acts as though their feelings for you are over. you've got to protect yourself. if I was you, I would want to be out of there and packed up right away. I don't want to sound harsh, but if you feel bad now, imagine how much worse you could feel in a week if he stays out late one night and you're sat at home depressed – it will make things worse for you.

 

you asked how someone can just turn their feelings off? I think it's the question we all ask. it makes no sense, particularly when you contrast it with how strong your own feelings are. but the only answer is that they thought about this decision, got adjusted to this process before they even acted on it and more importantly, they wanted it to happen. this makes all the difference unfortunately.

 

I know this won't really help you feel better – nothing much can when someone's crushed your life in the blink of an eye.. but set yourself on a course – move out, stop contact, look forward and very gradually, things will get better.

 

take care.

[MrMikeWikowski]

Man,

 

That is rough. I know the feeling all to well.

 

The carpet has been yanked from out underneath you. I know that this will seem like small consolation, but at least he didn't cheat on you like my ex did.

 

So, my so called advice: Hold on. It is going to be a hard ride. But you will be OK. Almost everyone here has felt the overwhelming feelings , pain, and "why did this happen" It is really hard. But right now you have no choice. Either you accept it. Or you don't accept it, but the reality is the same.

 

First get out the same house like icme has said. That will help you, and make him possibly miss you. But right now, I would forget trying to win him back. You need to take care of yourself. I did a lot of stupid things in my desperation. It cost me dearly in so many ways.. Move out, and do No Contact. It is very, very hard. My ex was my best friend, lover, and confidant. It is a lot to loose. But, it is better to find yourself, and even though you feel like poo, to pretend to be strong. In doing so you will be stronger.

 

Hang in there.

 

You will come of this. It is hard. But you will make it. Try to take each day one at a time. Try to take each hour one at a time. When I was really hurting, I just couldn't imagine my life without her. But if I broke things into little pieces I could handle it.

 

Use your friends and family for support. They help. Do fun things. Talk to people. These activities help push the pain away. It does come back, but each time a little less.

 

Be strong. You will make it.

 

PM anytime if you need

 

Mike

[sarahbear]

This sounds ever too familiar to me as well ... and let me just say that your guy has been over you longer than 5 weeks. That was when he decided to break up with you and he had to work up the courage to do it. If you need anyone to talk to about it, feel free to chat with me as I am in the same boat.

[ruth1978]

i too have been through the same as you have and know exactly how you feel.

i am now over the man who left me, i was 6 months pregnant when he left me, and two days after leaving me he moved in with another woman and before i had my son, she too was pregnant. i was devastated, and to be truthful i didn't want to live anymore i couldn't be without him.

the first thing you do have to do is get out of the house, you can't move on living with him, the pain will never go away.

even if he hasn't got anyone else now, there will be a day when he has and you don't want to be there when that day comes, in fact you want to cut all ties with him completely.

when my ex left me i was constantly texting him asking him back, even though i knew he had someone else. change your mobile number and make no contact with him at all, although at first this seems impossible, it has to be done because he's told you he doesn't want to sort things out, so after you make the step of moving out, it will get much easier.

you know the saying "time's a great healer"? yeh well i didn't believe it either, i thought my world had ended and i had lost all my friends too, i was so alone, after a few months i started getting back on my feet but it's been very hard for me being a single mum, knowing my son's dad doesn't want to know him. i will always have ties with my ex because of him being the father to my son, but this was no excuse to carry on hoping he would take me back because he never would.

 

the love you feel for him now, you will one day feel for someone else and there will be a time in your life when you wonder what all the tears were about, you'll be grateful one day that this has happened to you because it makes you a stronger person, and when you meet the right person, you'll be pleased your ex ended it with you.

 

don't be ashamed to cry, we all do, even when we try to be so strong and not let it get to us, it will, so let it out.

i'm here if you need to talk more, and i'm sure you have lots of friends and family around you who will support you through this.

good luck x

[Christy7799]

Thank you everyone for your support! I just bought a new house and will be moving on Oct. 29th.

 

Over the week since my post my ex has been really nice to me... he calls me at work to chat about unimportant things and he had dinner cooked for me when I came home last week. Then yesterday, it was a tough day as I found out that he was seeing someone that he works with. The feelings that came over me was like the very first day that he broke up with me. Now I feel like I am starting my healing process over again from day one. I confronted him about this other woman that he is seeing as I suspect that he was seeing her before he broke up with me. Somehow, I remained very calm and collected during our conversation and told him that I was leaving the house immediately. He said that I should stay here in our house and he is going to stay with one of his friends while I am packing and getting ready for the move. I know that we are broken up and he can do whatever he wants, but that doesn't make it any easier.

 

This hurts like hell, but I think it was the kick that I needed to realize that we are over and that we aren't going to get back together. I need to move on with my life.