sarahbear

This sounds ever too familiar to me as well ... and let me just say that your guy has been over you longer than 5 weeks. That was when he decided to break up with you and he had to work up the courage to do it. If you need anyone to talk to about it, feel free to chat with me as I am in the same boat.

Thanks for your help and advice! I knwo that it is foolish for me to carry on so, but I have the tendency to hold on to things-hold on to people, perhaps longer than I should. Hopefully, someone will learn by my mistakes and make difference choices-ones that hurt less.

I would definitely ask yourself: What are your true motives for wanting to be in touch with this girl again? Is it because you were good friends when you were dating? If so, do you really feel that level of friendship can be continued if she *does* have someone new in her life? Are you ready and willing to accept that? Or are you still hanging on to something that "might have been" and just hoping that might have been might be now? If you aren't sure what your intentions are, just call her and see what's up. See how talking to her makes you feel. If no feelings there, then it's not too late (it's never too late to be a good friend, by the way) ... because if I was the girl and if we broke up a long time ago, I would want to hear from you, no matter what was going on in my life.

Sadness lurks in the deepest shadows of my heart tonight. I have read so many of the posts and know how so many people are feelng, and it doesn't help me to get over this. So many women (and men), fall in love only to leave the relationship heartbroken for one reason or another-no matter how much we may tell ourselves that we weren't good enough or pretty enough or whatever enough. We just weren't enough, and the reality of that is overwhelming and hard for anyone to deal with. It's difficult to remember when you are in the "pit of despair" that even the most seemingly perfect people (like the "stars") have breakups all the time for lesser things. Perhaps it won't make a difference for anyone out there who like me is trying to put the pieces of their hearts back together, but here is my story: We dated for about 6 months and everything was going great between my boyfriend and I. It was going really well, and we fit together as if we were the oldest and closest of friends. Sure, he would tell me that he loved me and that he hadn't felt the way he did "in a long time" if ever. And he insisted that I was great, his best friend. Then one day out of the blue, after my heart had already made up its mind I had fallen for him (despite my promise to myself that I would never love again), it was time to let go ... he told me that he "knew where this was going" and told me that he didn't want to date me anymore. The worst part about it was that I was living with him at the time! I had no other place to go ......... But that wasn't the end, and he wanted to just throw our relationship out the window and POOF! PRESTO! be friends just like that! And my heart doesn't work that way. How can you possibly get over someone when you live with them after you have broken up? So a couple of months go by and my heart is broken... made only worse by the fact that he starts talking on the phone to other women, saying he has to stay late at work, having friends ask me why he is seeing other women, and I have to have enough courage to live there and deal with it? I needed out but didn't have the strength to take that step-take that plunge and leave. I felt like a fool, and still do. Time has passed and just three days ago, I mustered all of my strength and courage to move out and on with my life. But he was like, "That's a stupid idea" ... and all I kept thinking was that I didn't want to stick around and watch as he started finding someone new again-especially when his only reason for breaking up with me was because he felt that I wanted "to get serious." The truth is, he wants to get serious, probably just not with me .... So it seems as though it is all going as it should, but it's 11:00 and I am sitting here staring at the walls wondering why in God's name I have any feelings left for this guy. Why after everything have I been through do I still care? Why does what he says to me hurt me so much? It makes absolutely no sense. He wants me to stay his friend, and I don't know how. But this is all coming to a question: he wants me to stay his friend, and I don't know if I can do it... and yet I don't know how to get away all at the same time. How do I sever this unhealthy emotional attachment? We had an argument tonight and he asked me to leave (after asking me to spend time with him tonight) because as I was leaving, I told him that I missed him. He feels that even though I have feelings for him, it's unappropriate for me to say anything. Poof! Presto chango-turn yourself into a friend just like that!?? I don't know how to do it. If I come over, just pretend everything is all right, just pretend we never dated. Just pretend my heart isn't hurting inside. HELP. He asked me to leave because he doesn't want me to tell him how I am feeling anymore and I feel as though I can't help it! Sadness is closing in on me and I'm not sure how to let this fishie go back out to sea..... and let myself and my heart set itself free.... Any advice you have would be super.