She's gone...Out of my life... ):

[tabbyloves]

so for any who haven't read the other posts about her, we had a long distance relationship going but the problem was I could never tell if she was telling the truth or not and whenever i asked her about it she'd get all defensive and start having a * * * * * fest at me for no reason and with me and not controling anger that often resulted in blaming each other. We'd been only in a LDR for 2 months but already she was getting on my nerves but none the less i still loved her. It was thursday that i told her i didn't want to be apart of it anymore, I just couldn't take it. I'm just a teenage girl who thought she could take on something as big as her problems she had aswell as dealing with my own problems. We tried to sort things out yesterday but today i knew i just wanted to be friends. so i sent her an email saying "same. I'm sorry too. but i really wish i could say i still had the same feelings for you,..but i don't see it happening. I'm still happy to be here for you as a friend though. I actually really don't want to let you go through this alone. You mean alot to me as a friend." then she replied saying "Well. I can't. I'm sorry. This is goodbye." that hurt.

It's all kinda left me just wanting to end everything. End life altogether. I can be suicidal and it all depends on the situation on how bad my suicidal situations can be. I have cutted for 3 and a half years nearly 4 and there have been times where i went too far and almost died. But right now, all i can think of is suicide. I know i can't, but it feels like i got no choice but to. She means so much to me, and now she's gone.

Aswell as that I'm still trying to get over with what happened to me 9 years ago. Mixed with those feelings everythings just falling down around me. And when i get upset, i have aniexty attacks and can never breathe properly which most of the times results in me passing out as i freak out too much.

I don't think i really had any question to be answered just needed somewhere to vent.

[sandrawg]

YOu may not have had a question to be answered, but I know a lot of people on here will not want you to commit suicide, honey.

 

What happened to you 9 years ago? It must've been something terrible, for you to be cutting yourself. I wish you would get some help.

 

I know your teenage years, it feels like when a relationship ends, it's the end of the world. H*ll, I'm 44 and I still feel that way when I lose someone. But, being 44..I ALSO know that you can lose a lot of important people from your life, and still survive. I've been through a divorce, and 3 painful breakups. And I'm still here. And you know what? I know I will find love again. Because each time a relationship ends, I know I always do find someone else. And yknow what? Even if I don't...it's okay. Because I don't need a relationship to make me a person who deserves to be happy. You also, deserve to be happy, regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not. You are worthy of love. But the most important love is what you have for yourself.

[strange_]

I was committed because I was suicidal. At 25. You're 15, there's so much life ahead of you... try to see it in the long-term, dont be caged in your own emotions. Remember, it too shall pass.. give it time, give yourself time to grieve and recoup. IT wil get better. We promise.

[tabbyloves]

sandrawg - 9 years ago i was sexually assaulted by my older brother who is now 24 and still lives at home. It was only a couple of weeks ago that i came to realization on what he did to me. As much as i want to get help, I'm so stubborn and always refuse to.

I've already lost so many people due to my stupid doings which I'm stilll not over.

 

But she meant so much to me, as i thought she thought the same. I guess i were wrong considering it was easy for her to say goodbye. She's pregnant by some * * * * * * * and i can't let her go as much as i probably need to...i can't.

[sandrawg]

Oh man. I'm so sorry. I've met cutters before, and usually they're reacting to some horrible trauma, like sexual abuse. This is a matter of life and death, tho...not really a good time to be stubborn..I know people who've experienced sexual assault, and you CAN recover...but therapy is crucial..

 

sandrawg - 9 years ago i was sexually assaulted by my older brother who is now 24 and still lives at home. It was only a couple of weeks ago that i came to realization on what he did to me. As much as i want to get help, I'm so stubborn and always refuse to.

I've already lost so many people due to my stupid doings which I'm stilll not over.

 

But she meant so much to me, as i thought she thought the same. I guess i were wrong considering it was easy for her to say goodbye. She's pregnant by some * * * * * * * and i can't let her go as much as i probably need to...i can't.

[sandrawg]

And btw I know how you feel, about your girlfriend. My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me out of nowhere, Jan. 24. I still hurt from it. I think about him every day. But I know I will heal with time..and, you are still young. You have so much you can do, so much potential..don't let one lost relationship sabotage your chances to live a beautiful life, honey.

[tabbyloves]

sandrawg - I'm always stubborn though. I've tried to go to a therapist or whatever they are called but they don't work.

[sandrawg]

Therapy is like anything, honey. You just need to find the right one. Don't condemn the concept of talking to a therapist just because you may not have had a good therapist.

 

Also, therapy depends on what you put into it. When you say it' "doesn't work", what do you mean..

[tabbyloves]

sandrawg - I've tried so many i lost count.

 

and like, they don't get down to the point, they trail off and don't acknowledge the fact that i have trouble speaking face to face and basically force me into saying something.