This is IMPORTANT... abuse

[LizardKingLivs]

I dont really know where to post this so general discussion and the hopes that people will see it on the main list.

 

My girlfriend's friend that has now become mine (for horrible reasons) is in the worst kind of relationship imaginable. The guy is controlling and checks her email and txt messages all the time. Thats not the problem though.

 

They have been together for about 4 months and as far as i know about a month ago he "loses his temper" and will hurt her in any way possible. Two different occasions (i think there are more) he has hit her, one time i dont know the details but there was a bruise on her leg. Another time he threw some sort of container at her face and bruised her cheek.

 

Without even thinking i wanted to beat the crap outta this kid but she told me not to do anything that she would take care of it. I let it go because i was somehow convinced by everyone around me that things werent that bad BLAH BLAH BLAH.

 

Today at school she caught a rumor that he was showing people naked pictures of her. They were apparently on his cellphone and she thought they were deleted right after they were taken (stupid on her part too i know) Anyways the poor girl starts cryin and i know that she wont do anything about it so i tell her im going to talk to him with her. We go outside and i see her yelling at him so i walk over to them (about 10 steps away) and when i get close she starts to hug him. She obvioulsy doesnt want me to knock him into tomorrow and i take her hand to pull her away from him. ( i wasnt going to hit the kid but i know shes not gonna do anything about it and it will happen again, or somethin worse.)

 

I am about to go insane, i am the most level-headed of our little group so i am the one that deals with every serious situation. This is too much, she wont break up with him and i cant do anything because now i think whatever happens she will feel sorry for him and stay with him anyways.

 

This has to end, for so many reasons.

I dont know how to form this into any question other than what do i do? what CAN i do?

[avman]

How old are these two?

[daredevil]

Girls are often attracted to the wrong kind of persons who takes advantage of it... I don't know if whether or not you should be the dude to take action, but something has to done no matter what age he has.. but im also sure that beating the crap out of him wouldn't help... people does not learn from fighting they learn from mistakes.. she needs to dump him.. so he really can feel how much his acts is going to cost him!

[i_hate_the_world47]

Well,why dont you talk to your g/f about it.Maybe she can help out.Something has to be done before things go to far.Its nice that your trying to help her but also dont try to butt in to much.It may only make things worse for her.Good luck.

 

~Meagan~

[RobzGr8]

From a cop's perspective...stay out of it. You're better off not getting involved. If this guy can beat on his woman, he'll certainly have no problems doing the same to you. She needs to get herself out of this situation. Unfortunately, most women feel they must stay because they have no place to go and wouldn't be able to make it on their own without the guy.

 

Even though he is beating her and abusive, in her mind she is still better off with him than without.

 

The best thing you can do is to show her that there are places that are set up to help her. There are shelters and group homes that will take her in and help her get on her feet. Most of these shelters have counselors and people that can help with finding her a job, daycare, etc. They are also secure and safe where the abusive partner cannot get to her.

 

The best you can do is try to get her to leave on her own and go to one of these shelters. If you take her in, or try to confront this guy on your own, it could lead to the guy turning his rath on you. I've seen guys beat up their wive's friends, vandalize their property, threaten them at their jobs, break into their homes, all kinds of stuff.

 

Everyone has a desire to help someone out in a time of need, but you shouldn't do it at the sake of your own sanity and safety. You said yourself you've only recently gotten to know her, so I wouldn't put myself out too much if I were you. At most, do some research and point her in the right direction, but DEFINITELY don't get directly involved.

[PfcPotts]

Oh my god... That makes me wanna beat the crap out of a punching bag right now. I know where your from, ive had the same thing happen and it sucks when the girl doesnt want you to do anything. Be a friend to her and try to convice her to lose the jerk. If all else fails, find out where he lives and beat his azz under protest. I would, he deserves it.

[LizardKingLivs]

My age 17, their ages are around the same but not exact.

 

I may have worded some things wrong but its not as bad/good as most of you think. The post about beating him... i wont do i just thoroughly enjoy the fact that i could if i had to. (he 5'6" 150 i 6'1" 180 - that was for pfcpotts lol) Its definetly not about me, one of my first posts is actually about finding more time for myself.

 

To the police officer, (thx by the way) its not battering or abuse and i know that can easily become that. The only reason i am joining in is because my girlfriend didnt know what to do so she asked me. I told her what i thought of the situation and for about a week it was fine. The girl and guy in question started up again, its always something stupid he blows out of proportion.

 

I got involved today because i thought that if i was beside her she would have more courage to stand up to him. It didnt help... at all. I know i should stay out of it... but i cant. Thats the same advice i would give anyone else in my shoes but i almost feel like im her only help.

 

I will not hurt him and she will break up with him and i dont want it to be a matter of time before it happens. It has to end ASAP before it becomes worse. She definetly feels as though its not a big enough deal to go talk to a counselor or something like that. Every other guy that knows about it wants to kick his Azz, and i dont want them to and i am trying so hard not to. I want this to be as peaceful as possible and i want her to never speak to him again.

 

PLUS this is what happened after school today.

 

I walked with her to meet him. She is fine but when they get to the car she starts yelling at him (she takes him home hes so gay he even has no car) then he says "i didnt do it" i know he's lying she knows he's lying but she hugs him. Then looks at me as if i shouldnt be there. I then try to take her hand away from him (non-forcefully i wasnt pissed yet) she says "no" so i leave it be.

 

They stand there for a minute or so and i just look straight at her and say "its going to happen again, you know it will" she shrugs it off and they stand there some more. I (stupidly) followed with (to her) "if you are really still taking him home today, i suggest you get him in the car before i beat the living Sh!t out of him. ( i lost it ) But they both knew i was serious, so they got in the car and left. she was crying then and she probably cried all the way home.

 

He didnt apologize, she said he never does. He just simply says "i didnt do it" and thats it... that is fukking it.

 

Once again, i shouldnt interfere but i will. so Robz if you read this give me a way to deal with it, anyone give me a way to deal with it. It has to stop before it gets worse.

 

just writing that made me pissed... i dont think ive ever been this angry at someone in my life (other than God)

[LizardKingLivs]

to robz especially.

 

I know im probably being an idiot right now, PM me or email me if anyone wants to tell me how stupid this is.

 

I have and always will be a helpful person, i believe that when i die it will be for noble cause. I put others before me and always will. I believe that good people deserve good lives and i will always try to help someone out. I am not a saint. I am not even a big fan of God. I have my own morals and they dont include "eye for an eye" i just want to help.

 

I do not fear his wrath partly because i believe he has very little and the other part may be partial insanity. I cannot take it when others take advantage of someone in anyway.

[dizzymeg]

he sounds like a coward.

 

She needs to get some courage and get herself out, tell her he is not her responsibility, she needs to worry about herself first.

 

Also: to the person who said: "Girls are often attracted to the wrong kind of persons who takes advantage of it... "

 

Well, maybe some girls are, but not girls (or women) in general, and certainly not me, for one, thank you very much. Women who let guys treat them like crap usually have low confidence and low self esteem.