Been about 3 years since found out about wife cheating. How I see it now.

[cs90453]

Hi everyone,

 

Hard to believe it's been so long and how my life has turned out since. New relationship, new baby, new life really. Well just in case people are wondering what to expect in the future I figure I would share my experiences. You may wonder if there will ever come a time when I will stop caring about the other or if people will stop looking at me like I'm someone with a terminal illness. I am here to tell you...yes. This time will come. It takes a while, not 3 whole years. For those people that's reading this post and saying, "this guy is crazy! It's been longer than 3 years and I still feel things!", well to you I say....I'm sorry you're still having trouble.

 

How did I do it? Well I took up some new hobbies that were completely not associated with anyone else and did it. But more importantly I processed everything through my mind until it made sense to me. I had to think this whole mess down to a simple explanation as to why. What did I discover?...it just hit me one day. Some people cheat. People get into relationships for companionship and security of sharing our lives together. We also commit to unwritten rules and it's never said that some people sometimes secretly set their own rules. This is something that we have to except. Didn't say agree with because I didn't do anything with anyone other than my wife when I was married. I played by the rules. When 2 people agree to certain terms and one of them do something outside of that the other will feel cheated...hence the term. Then comes the reasons for doing what they did. If they were to be honest and direct and say the real reason why they did such a thing society looks at them as being selfish and people lose respect for them. So what do they do? They say because they were not happy in the relationship and that they felt like they were being taken for granted. In other words, they are putting the blame on the person who wasn't involved in the decision in the first place. Whether it was a momentary weakness on their part or it is something they fall victim to because it's apart of their behavior, well that's something for the people doing this will have to decide. But I feel that the thing that hurt me the most was that the whole thing was placed on me.

 

So I have concluded that people who are cheating should simply take responsibility for their actions. Don't try putting responsibility for their choices on the people who have held up their end of the relationship. Let society judge you for what you have done and move on. People who are victims of this? Try to see it as you were playing by the rules and people don't always do things this way. Once I saw my experiences for what they are I was able to move on. I do have scars from this but I feel that I've learned something as well. I just thought that I would share my thoughts and I hope that everyone out there who is dealing with this can find their paths to healing and moving on. I am lucky to have found someone who I feel will not do this to me so this makes me happy. I'm also saying that due to my past experiences, if this was to happen to me again ( I pray it doesn't) I will have some references to how to better cope with it. I would also like to say sorry to anyone that may read this and be offended by this post. I'm not saying this is gospel, just saying that this is how I feel about my experiences.

[lostandhurt]

The root of almost every cheating is selfisness. Look up the definition...

 

 

Glad you are doing well and have found what you always wanted for your life.

 

 

Lost

[loveseeker1]

Great post and it makes 100% sense. Having been cheated on a few months back, this week I feel I've turned a massive corner in getting my life back.

You are right that they do try to place the blame on us, the person who placed by the rules. But they simply can not live with the guilt.

They have to pass this to someone else so they can wake up every morning and feel fine about themselves.

 

I'm so happy you are getting on with your life and seemed to have made a great success from it all.

Again, your right that these situations teach us so much. I will be so prepared in case this happens again, but I'm going to make sure my next choice of partner is better than previous.

[Lester]

The root of almost every cheating is selfisness. Look up the definition...

 

 

Glad you are doing well and have found what you always wanted for your life.

 

 

Lost

 

They are also prone to believing half-truths about marriage.

[cs90453]

All great points! I just spent so much time trying to understand and my life was passing by. I am glad I took the time to wait to heal and process this experience. I just feel that it's important for people going through this to know that things will get better once we all discover our own way to learn to deal with the pain and understanding.