im_the_undead Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 As much as we miss them? It's comforting to think so. Or well, hopefully they miss us even more than we do. Who knows why this even matters? It shouldn't, but it does. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Depends on the person, if they jumped to/already had another person in the picture ,the circumstances of the breakup and the length of the relationship. Early on, the "dumper" generally is relived and most likely doesn't spend alot of time thinking about the "dumpee". They are in a version of the "honeymoon phase" - but this time , not with another person, but alone, finally getting a chance to live the life they were planning while going thru the detachment phase while still with us; we all know that in most cases, our ex was planning/detaching/grieving the loss of feelings and the decision to end the relationship long before we even knew they were unhappy. If you read the forums here, you will see that the "dumper" usually will make contact again the "dumpee" at some point, if the "dumpee" did all the right things immediately after the breakup. ( gone full NC, lived their lives for themselves, healed, moved on and accepted/respected the decision to breakup,etc) The problem with that contact ( and I stress that it may NEVER happen ,again depends on the variables above) is that it provides false hope to the "dumpee" and it usually impedes or resets the healing process. Its a "breadcrumb" - a little tidbit to see where you are in your life post-break up - usually done out of curiosity only, and most of the time not fueled by the thought of reconciliation on the part of the "dumper". So, do they miss us? on some levels, yes......but in no way shape or form like we do them.....not until some SIGNIFICANT time has past.....again there is no hard and fast rule, but most here will say 3 to 6 months is a good gauge....depends on how life has played out for the "dumper" after time has past, and the full impact of their life without you in it has hit a new "normal' for them....if the relationship was strong enough, went on for a long time ( 2+ years), then and its still only a MAYBE, they may get nostalgic enough to reach out and see what you are doing.... Please don't hold out hope for that "special day" when you get a text or email or whatever breadcrumb is throw your way....spend your time outta their head and into yours.....use the time to heal, better yourself, and learn from the relationship. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 In this case, I've mostly been the dumper. Womp womp. Only because I was pushed to it, though, and not because I didn't want or love my SO. Link to comment
UnchainedSoul Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 It may not be so much as they miss us. But we have crossed their paths in this life. We have impacted them in some form or fashion. So whether or not it matters, we shaped them into the form they are today good or bad. Link to comment
BlueEagle Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 It probably depends on who dumped who. I would think the dumpee might miss the dumper more than vice versa. They might miss us. Without any contact or way of knowing, it's difficult to even determine how much, if any, they miss us. It is comforting to know that they might, from time to time, still think of us fondly for the good memories together and pure intentions instead of the bad times that led to the breakup. It's probably not inconceivable to think they haven't thought about us and reminisced about the past relationship. I try to believe that that is the case in my own situation, or at least wishful thinking. Link to comment
regular joe Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Unless your both looking to reconcile than what does it matter? I had to end my last LTR, due to an addiction problem (long story). I (was kind of the dumper) miss my ex (was kind of the dumpee) my heart breaks whenever I run into her, which is fairly often. However, she won't even look at me much less speak to me. So thinking about it just causes me unecessary pain. Link to comment
charity Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 no, the dumper does not miss the dumpee as much as the dumpee misses the dumper. they think about you yeah and miss you sometimes too...but not as much as you. i have been both. when i was the dumpee i PINED. really misses him. now i am the dumper. i miss him rarely. i finished it because.... well i wanted it finished. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 I didn't say the fact that it matters is reasonable, however, it just does. Even to you. To me, the last guy who dumped me... well, I just don't miss him or even care. I was hurt by the rejection, but I'm truly happy now and wish I wouldn't have dated him. That was a terrible mistake I dumped my bf..... I'm not dying over it.. it doesn't feel real. But I do miss little things and wonder how much , if even, he misses me. He got dumped for being two faced, lying, and attacking me over his lies.. I just can't trust him, even if I love him... I wonder if he feels remorse over it or if he justifies it all. I shouldn't even care, but I do. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 To be honest your relationship with your ex was kind of messy and seemed to be in turmoil for the most part based on either you or him at one time or another. As much as we all would like to think of our first in the fondest of memories like some sort of fairy tale, it just doesn't always pan out that way after the break up, just like a break up with someone else in the future. Sometimes worse. I believe my first does not miss me as the majority of her friends and her family despised me due to being a music student back then and not some overly academic person, with intentions of being a high profile sports person, air force pilot......oh and blond, super tall and blue eyed. I was not what I consider a good bf either as i considered myself rather 'emo' back then. My last LT ex though, I am sure misses me as she was what I was with my very first LTR and has more fond memories of me rather than negative ones which I have of her. Link to comment
regular joe Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Guess it all depends on the dynamics of the relationship/ reason for the break up. Like I said last ex, it actually was a plan to get her to get help for her addiction that blew up big time in my face. Miss her, wish it ended up with the desired results. I was deeply in love with her, but couldn't watch her self destruct anymore, that sucked too. The one before her, major insecurity issues. I was the dumper, I don't miss her. I definitely don't miss having to walk on eggshells all the time and constantly getting interrogated. The mutual it's not working still friends with most. I guess we were better friends than lovers. The first one, I was young, dumb and full of (you know what) she dumped my a** and yeah that one hurt. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 Lol wow haven't heard that one in a while. I feel like the guys I've been with have used me. It's made me really paranoid. Next thing I know I might just become as vindictive as they are and take them for all they're worth lol Link to comment
replytome Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 It may not be so much as they miss us. But we have crossed their paths in this life. We have impacted them in some form or fashion. So whether or not it matters, we shaped them into the form they are today good or bad. That's a beautiful way of thinking about it! I'm glad I saw this. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 nope. Not when someone else is warming their bed. I think they feel relief. I only dumped 2 guys in my life, and I felt NOTHING afterward. ZIP. Cried and carried on like a fool when I got dumped... Link to comment
maron Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 mine does not miss me and i'm okay with it now. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 nope. Not when someone else is warming their bed. I think they feel relief. I only dumped 2 guys in my life, and I felt NOTHING afterward. ZIP. Cried and carried on like a fool when I got dumped... Luckkkkkky. I needa be cold blooded ! lol I'm just made of mush and goo -_- Link to comment
losee Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 He's the dumpee and he still has our first date memoto on his wall right next to his wall after 3 months but he doesn't want to talk to me. He's mad at me for talking and hanging with other guys after the break up. Does he miss me? Idk, he has been fooling around with girls. Miss me? haha who knows...? Link to comment
ryukage99 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 As much as we miss them? It's comforting to think so. Or well, hopefully they miss us even more than we do. Who knows why this even matters? It shouldn't, but it does. It happened to me when I dumped years ago,When I moved on the guy that dumped me was jealous of being back on my own having fun and seeing other guys. I admit to proposely making guys jealous of me with certain guys,but never expect them become psychotically jealous when I'm making effort of moving on without the dumper in my life.I admit I was mean to this guy but if he made his bed when he waited 'til the last minute to ket me know he liked me back when I moving back to my home from living another state. I got closure on him from telling him off that time was up on him and how dare he dumped me but get jealous of anyone even they were just being all friendly casual with me. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 It happened to me when I dumped years ago,When I moved on the guy that dumped me was jealous of being back on my own having fun and seeing other guys. I admit to proposely making guys jealous of me with certain guys,but never expect them become psychotically jealous when I'm making effort of moving on without the dumper in my life.I admit I was mean to this guy but if he made his bed when he waited 'til the last minute to ket me know he liked me back when I moving back to my home from living another state. I got closure on him from telling him off that time was up on him and how dare he dumped me but get jealous of anyone even they were just being all friendly casual with me. Sometimes, people only cherish or really desire something that was once theirs when they see it in another's arms. smh Link to comment
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