An Old Flame from almost 10 years ago - I know this is a bad idea!

[TearsofFate]

I just came accross an old email, deep within the history of my now un-used very first email address files. I currently use a different email addy. This email I found, by complete accident as I was looking for old emails from my dad (who passed away). Instead I found an email from one of my first (if not first) relationships ever which I totally forgot about. Upon opening it, I felt so funny, like I shouldn't even read it. I just kind of stared at it for a while without reading the words. I tried to click out of it. But I started to read it anyway, since I had completely forgot about it over the years. It was actually an apology email from an ex.

 

I don't even know how to explain it. Let's backtrack to when I was 15 years old. (10 years ago as I am 25 now So I was 15, and was totally in love with this guy (2 years older then me) We had a cutesy kind of relationship at such a young age. We were together for 1 year until he one day vanished. He had to travel back to Australia with his family but didn't keep in contact with me no matter how much I tried to find him. To me he just vanished. Just like that. It was probably one of the hardest things I ever went through. The years went on. I met other boyfriends, other people...I even thought he may be dead (seriously). I couldn't find him anywhere! I just forgot about him eventually.

 

Then when I was exactly 23 (nearly 8 years later) he sent me this email:

 

It said the following word for word:

 

Hey (My name),

 

I know it's been a very very long time but I thought I'd give it a shot to e-mail you. Although you probably may think I'm the biggest jerk in the world & hate my guts. At the least I am sincerely sorry for stopping talking to you.... but it wasn't for no reason. I know you probably think I didn't like you. The truth is (my nickname) that it was sort of the opposite....

I stopped talking to you because I was afraid I was going to hurt you in some way...turns out my selfish actions didn't really help the situation. I didn't run away cause I didn't like you. I ran away because I kept liking you more and more and you were on my mind heaps.... which got a bit hard to handle when you live so far away.... but hey for all I know you've probably found feelings for somebody anyways. But I was thinking of you the other day and wondering how you were and that what I did was so stupid. You're such a great person!

I don't know how forgiving you are but I hope that one day I'll be able to speak to you cause even though It's been so long I do miss talking to you. However I'll understand if you hate me and if I never get a reply to this e-mail at all.... that's if you get this e-mail (not too sure if you've still got this adress or wheather you've blocked me or not). Hope to hear from you soon and again I'm deeply sorry =(

 

J

 

P.S. I thought you would've performed some sort of Voodoo on me by now.

 

(he always jokes around)

 

This is the email I found. I never answered him back. I'm almost 26 now since my B-day is in March. So this email is 3 years old. I know I've read it before, but at the time I had a boyfriend so I didn't really feel any need to talk to him anymore (plus I didn't want to talk to someone who just vanishes for years on end). Reading it 3 years back just made me feel bitter.

 

However...looking back, we both were REALLY young when he left. He did send me another email too saying that he had no flings, crushes, or relationships with anyone since me. I found it hard to believe since I went crazy with dating after we seperated but he didn't apparently. I didn't want to respond (at the time) because of bitterness and because of a boyfriend. Looking back though, I wonder what was going through his mind...

 

It's been 10 years...is it worth saying hi to him at this point? I don't know why I'm suddenly curious now (maybe just finding the email after all this time made me wonder what he's up to). Or should I just leave the past in the past? I find myself sad reading the 2 emails he sent. At first I didn't feel anything...but now 3 years later I feel sad and miss him even.

 

Currently, I'm single, and just sort of casually dating. I'm not really with anyone. I don't know if this is a good idea though.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Also, I feel like I don't even know him anymore!

[EgoJoe]

Go for it. That email eight years down the road probably took some guts for him to write. Although I would imagine he probably got dumped and felt guilty so he tried to relieve it without hurting you more.

[Capricorn3]

What about the guy from England who just went all the way to Canada to be with you on Valentines Day?

 

That said, bad idea (imo). I see no point in making contact with the other guy. Leave the past in the past.

[TearsofFate]

What about the guy from England who just went all the way to Canada to be with you on Valentines Day?

 

That said, bad idea (imo). I see no point in making contact with the other guy. Leave the past in the past.

 

It was probably the best valentines I ever had. Thing is, the guy from England, I've known him a long while now and we had tons of fun (and we kissed) but I'm not sure how I feel about him romantically. He's shy and not too open with feelings so it's hard to read how he feels. I guess, even though we had tons of fun, I made sure I didn't fall for him "I love yous" were never exchanged..we never officially became boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

He seems interested still but it's really hard to tell!

 

I'm honestly not sure how I feel towards the guy from England. We're not official or anything. Valentines was pretty friendly instead of romantic really. We saw a hockey game and had beers then fell asleep haha. It was great fun, but romantically I'm not sure yet.

 

As for the guy in Australia, I don't know, I guess I just had an urge to see what he's been up to. I don't think it's a good idea either though. I feel pretty single to be honest. Single with lots of friends at the moment, with no real feelings for anyone in particular. I'm not sure what to do.

[TearsofFate]

Go for it. That email eight years down the road probably took some guts for him to write. Although I would imagine he probably got dumped and felt guilty so he tried to relieve it without hurting you more.

 

I'm not sure what you mean. Do you mean got dumped then emailed me afterwards?

[TearsofFate]

Oh forgot to mention, the guy from England wants me to go live in England now (and he wants to pay for it if I can't). This sounds fantastic but I wouldn't want to go live in England if I'm not sure how I feel about him yet. I'm the sort of person who takes a while to fall for someone (anyone really). I'm a bit scared of suddenly moving to the UK (even though it sounds so fun!) I'd want it to be for the right reasons.

 

I'm not sure what I want to do, or how I feel currently! ahh!

[Capricorn3]

I don't think it's a good idea either though.

^^ There ya go, there's your answer. What to do? You do nothing. Leave it be.

 

As for the guy from England: It would be crazy for you to move to England after only one meeting with the guy. Sure, you had a good time, but it's not enough to make you move to another country (imo).

[Sim54]

Ah come on, write to him! Life is short, and you'll never know if you don't say hi. It's only an email, it doesn't mean you have to commit to anything. Just say hi, give a little news and see what happens.

[Circe]

My vote (though I'm a tiny bit tipsy right now) is also to continue ignoring. I kiiiinnda want to say you should write back because it feels like it would make a great episode in gilmour girls (reminds me of Jessie and Rory) ... the sober part of me says that people who just disappear on you and then reappear 7 years later with a romantic gesture and info stating that they've never dated/had a r'ship since you in SEVEN years ..... ppprrrooobbably have some issues that you really don't need to deal with.

[EgoJoe]

I meant that when people go through hell and have loose ends that they can't deal with. They reach towards ones that they can. You're a big girl you can make up your mind.

 

Also...for a shy guy to fly all of the way from England to spend VD with you...that is an expression of feelings.

[TearsofFate]

Hey everyone, thanks for the advice. I'm not going to message the old flame haha. I guess I just had a moment the other night. Definitely a bad idea though. Might seem neat in a tv show like Circe~ suggested but in real life it just sounds like a bad idea.

 

I feel a bit guilty for not answering back at this point, but he's probably well moved on by now, and I guess it's better for the both of us to keep it that way.

 

As for the guy in England, I agree that it was an expression of his feelings to come all the way here. I really do, I still can't believe we got along so well. It was so sweet of him to come all the way here just to meet me. I'm not sure I'll ever meet anyone that devoted again! I really appreciated it. I guess the question is, how does he feel about me "now" that we've met?

 

I'm sure he likes me a lot still based on his emails (and the fact he wants me to move there now)

 

I agree I shouldn't just get up and move to England as well (as I am in school!) lol, but I guess right now things arn't entirely clear at this point. Nothing is official yet. Only time will tell I guess.

 

Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

I didn't want to answer him 3 years ago ..so why should I now? Life is confusing sometimes. It almost makes me feel ashamed of myself. I guess I played with the idea of being friends but it's better not to I guess. Why is it that feelings pop up on a whim and the same ones stay dormant for years on end? Just got to keep moving forward I guess! Thanks again.