Tried to date, now getting lots of anger... why?

[purbit]

Dear eNA.

 

I'll try and keep this short. I was interested in a girl, well, initially I thought she was interested in me. She flirted alot and seemed to really want to get to know me. You can usually tell when someones interested and she had alot of the signs. Laughing at my jokes, trying to ask about me alot, smiling alot etc etc.

 

Anyway I asked her out (didn't use the word date, but it was obvious), and she (to my surprise) flaked, she said she was busy and didn't reschedule or offer an alternate date. I was a bit shocked on this as I can usually tell when a girl is interested, but she wasn't. I gave up and treated her like anyone else However following this she kept trying to talk to me, acting how she had before, it went on for a bit (a solid month) before I decided I should ask her out again, as maybe she was nervous or something.

 

Things had been getting increasingly 'tense' between us for a week prior to this, I kind of got the impression she wanted me to try and progress the situation, so I tried to get her phone number (I hadn't had it prior, as I didn't really know her that well). She gave me her number without a hassle and I started to try to text her, however first message to me was "Oh we're friends blah blah".

 

I may have misread that, but to me it was a pretty clear indication "WE ARE FRIENDS" aka I don't want to date you. This went against her tone in person but it was pretty obvious, she had turned down my initial invitation and now is doing this. Its not the end of the world for me, I actually genuinely give a * * * * about this chick and wanted us to remain friends, I was hesitant about asking her out because I didn't want us to end up not talking. So I write back to her, agreeing with the friends thing and saying that i'm cool with that, I said we don't need to talk about this further. I wasn't really annoyed because I could just feel this was far too difficult for something thats usually easy, thought i'll go up to her next time I see her and it'll be fine.

 

But yeah, it wasn't. She's now angry at me. She is avoiding going near me at all costs, avoiding eye contact mostly but I caught her eyes a few times and she's giving me angry bitter looks. I have no idea what i've done wrong. I tried to speak to her one on one and she pretended I wasn't there and looked directly through me. I am rather displeased about this because I kind of feel like a horrible person, like I'm bothering her or something and she didn't want to. But I have no idea what she wants, or why she is angry or upset and i'm really not very impressed.

 

I'm half tempted to text her but I don't know her that well, and i'm not even sure what I would say. Does any of this make any sense to anyone?

[Slagar]

That makes very little sense to me based on what you've said.

 

You sound like you're a reasonably savvy dater. I mean, you know how things usually go, and this isn't your first time getting to know someone. Based on that, I think you should be trusting your intuition. You know the situation the best, and your gut feeling will be your best guide here. Think hard about how things went.

 

It could be something completely unrelated to you, like perhaps a recent relationship ending in her own life, or perhaps she's not very savvy with dating? Do you have mutual contacts/friends that might have some idea why she is acting this way?

... Maybe she really likes you, and is trying to do some overly savvy dating maneuver, but it's not working? The only other thing I can think of is an underlying emotional disorder, lol.

 

I wouldn't rule-out giving an assertive straight-up text message as you suggested: "Can I ask you something? I kept getting the feeling you're attracted to me, yet when I asked you out you said you only want to be friends. The other day you seemed quite unhappy around me. I was considering asking you out, but I am confused by your behaviour. Are you attracted to me? Is something going on here?"

The problem with this is, the way most people react - and based on how she's acted previously - I wouldn't expect a clear reply. As you've mentioned you genuinely don't want to make things too messy here, so you make the call. If I were you, and not afraid of the repercussions, then I'd simply ask, but if the possible repercussions would bother me, it's probably best to just leave it.

 

I don't know, but I think the best thing would be to leave it and stop viewing her as having relationship potential. It sounds like far too much drama for barely knowing someone to me.

If she changes her tune later (which sounds like she might!), you can always re-evaluate the situation then, but I'd leave it for a substantial period of time, or make the decision for good that she's just too difficult. Heck, she has your number, she can always ask you out if she really likes you!

[David Mac]

Either chat about how you feel face to face and call her out on her actions, or delete her number and ignore any attempt of contact from her.

[Thorshammer]

It could be that she just likes the attention. Someone with insecurity can be offended by the smallest things, they do seek validation through tests or games, even from people they arent interested in, and any rejection (warranted or not) can set them off.

 

You either refuse to play that game (which i always feel is a better choice- i like to continue living on this planet believing such people dont exist) or continue the friendship vibe for more intel, or keep her as a friend (for whatever reason).

[guynextdoor]

I will agree with Thor on this one. She loves the attention you are giving her however she isn't interested in you. Once you back off she doesn't like it as much. Move on man.

[Ms Darcy]

Agree that she just liked the attention. Don't give her any more and just keep it moving.

[purbit]

Thankyou all for your replies, you have shed alot of sensible light on this situation for me.

 

 

 

I'm tempted to text her, but I can just tell she'll either send me back something denying everything, or just flat out ignore it. To be honest i'm a bit past dating her here, i'm frustrated with her now and have no positive feelings at all. I just don't like how she's treating me, I see it as very rude because despite her being difficult, rejecting me I'd still like to be nice to her (maybe nice guy syndrome i'm not sure).

 

 

 

Well, I think to some extent she is interested in me. She's always seemed interested in me and I don't doubt i'm the type of guy that girls like her would like. To some extent anyway.

 

She may have got offended at how quickly I ended the conversation the second I got the friends * * * * from her. I pretty much ended the conversation and stopped paying her attention instantly after that. I also may have implied I was never really that interested with the words I used, suggesting it was fine blah blah blah. I have no doubt that most of the guys that have a crush on her stay around to pay her compliments (I see them doing it, they are pathetic).

 

I think i'll just continue to try and be friends, not in the hope that she'll date me, just trying to bring it back to the same context that it has been prior to this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do chicks really just go out of their way to seek attention and see how long they can string a guy along for? Thats quite evil really.

[purbit]

edit - my reply might have been a bit contradictory. But i've known this girl for years prior to all of this, although i've barely known her. She always seemed somewhat interested in knowing me, but she's the type of person i'd usually speak to once every few months.

 

I had alot of respect for her, this is all very surprising to me.