Life is difficult and stinks right now for me.....

[JustPlainSad]

I know I will be getting a flood of "it will be OK"'s, "move on"'s, "you will find someone new"'s, and "it is her loss"'s, after people read this.

 

Some of you may remember me from months ago. I was getting better by the day. There were times where I was completely over her and did not care if we were talking or seeing eachother. I did three weeks of NC two or three time. I ws flying high and I was feeling like a million. I was meeting new girls and it felt great. She was playing games to some extent and it was evident to people here and in non cyber world that this was the case. She was without a doubt trying to get my attention bit it did not work. I kept strong and did not let her know it bothered me. Some things did but others made me laugh.

 

There are signs now that point to her being with somone already. This knocked me right down. I am not as bad as I was the first few weeks but it still hurts. I no longer am in love with her, but it still is hurting me. There still is a .01% chance that she is not but I do not feel that is the case. It is really unfortunate that this is the case especially since I have to see her every week or so and with the guy she may be seeing because of work and it is unavoidable. I hope that is not the case because she will looke like trash and classless at work along with being difficult for me. Some people are saying she is and some people are saying she is not. I feel she is but I am always a pecismist.

 

I was feeling good and now my life is turned 3/4 of the way back around. I wish this was not the case. She told me things that made me believe she wanted to be single and needed to be for her own benefit, but alas it was all a lie.

 

I know she will find nobody as in tune to her wants and needs and aware of her entire being, I know this as fact. The person that she may be seeing is so below me in every level. I am smarter, more sensitive, exciting, better looking, driven, open minded, sexual and funnier. That is what was told to me by other women. He person is a pure psycho and that is know by many people. He is definitely a rebound coming in under two months after we ended. Will it last if it is true, I do not know. It may not be official but she is deffinitely seeing someone.

 

She is being mean, cold and angry towards me when I have done nothing to warrant that kind of treatment. We had our problems that is evident, but I feel she jumped the gin with the breakup and is looking for ways to justify it. I think she is trying to push my buttons to get me to do something that justifies our breakup. I will not give her that satisfaction.

 

At this point I will not take her back. She would have to prove a lot to me and I do not think she is capable of that. I do however want to know what is going on and why we are at the point of completely ignoring one another when she said she wanted to be comfortable around each other. There are many questions I need answered, but feel I will never get them. Ultimately I know it is her great loss, but it still hurts eventhough I have no BF/GF feelings for her.

 

It will get better, but because of the circumstances it will take longer. I have completely given up on us ever getting back together. She has become to angry of a person towards me and I do not think mentally she will be 100% again. All of this was brought on by her not me. She is the one that has made herself angry not me.

 

Everybody says she is not there 100% mentally there because of stress, family issues and our breakup. How can a girl feeling all of this sustain a relationship? How can a girl be civil towards other men but completely ignore me, the one she gave two years to and could not wait to marry? If she no longer has feelings for me then she sould be able to be comfortable around me and not act like a psycho in some sitiations as she has. She ended it not me. I should be the angry one and the one hating on her, but it is the other way around. I do not understand the treatment, games and the like, I really do not.

[Jsphsl4204]

Wow dude... I really don't understand the harsh treatment, either...

[MrMikeWikowski]

I feel for you.

 

I just found out that my ex is living with someone. That really hurts.

 

I felt like I had come far in my healing, and it really sucked to take so many painful steps back.

 

So, here is my advice.

 

Take a deep breath. Cry, if you have to. Do NC, and try to live your life as best you can.

 

Whatever is to happen you have to get yourself out of this current ditch of feeling bad. You can do it.

 

Be strong

 

Mike

[bamboo]

Getting over someone is a rollercoaster ride and you are experiencing a bit of a dip right now I think you should carry on with your life and let her realise herself what a prat this guy is. The more people might try to tell her this guy is bad news, the more she will feel drawn to him and determined to make it work with him. She does sound a bit mixed up at the moment, and sometimes people go though phases of just doing whatever suits them without much reasoning behind it. She will look back one day and realise with some perspective that she was not being a very nice person but no one can force her to that stage. She can only reach it herself in her own time.

[Scout]

I know I will be getting a flood of "it will be OK"'s, "move on"'s, "you will find someone new"'s, and "it is her loss"'s, after people read this.

 

Not from me!

 

I've followed your story for some time. Clearly, you are experiencing a lot of anger towards your ex. While she may be deserving of some of it, It think it's time you really do some intense inward thinking about your own behavior or traits that contributed to the fighting and communication break-downs that ultimately lead to your break-up.

 

Why? Because I sense from your posts you feel very maligned by this woman, almost like you feel you are a victim. But I read your original posts, and the break up occurred because you two fought so much. Not because she was a horrible girlfriend or anything.

 

I am sure you want to be in a loving relationship again, but if you take the same problems with you into subsequent relationships, the same problems will resurface.

 

It is very, very hard to face our own shortcomings. Trust me, I know. I have a hot temper, and am quick to lose it if I feel frustrated. But I can't use that as an excuse, nor can I use stress as a reason or excuse to fight with somebody.

 

The more you convince yourself your ex is a bad person who is treating you abominably (and to me, it appears she has simply decided the relationship is definitely over and doesn't want to get your hopes up by staying in consistent contact with you), the harder it will be for you to examine your own issues and figure out how to deal with them.

 

And for the long-term success of your next relationship, I think this is something you should commit to doing. Let go of the anger towards your ex, even if just for a little while, to put the focus back where it needs to be: your own personal journey of self-awareness and growth.

[Scout]

Ok, let me amend my post a bit. I said "Let go of the anger". Well, let's face it, anger is hard to just let go, and to an extent, it's an important part of the healing process.

 

So maybe if you could just separate it a bit from your other feelings and thoughts about things you could have/would have done differently.

 

I hope I didn't come accross as unsympathetic. It hurts A LOT when the ex's start to see someone else. And I do feel your pain.

 

- Scout

[JustPlainSad]

Scout my anger is not directed towards her when I am in contact in any fashion with her. I am aloof, happy, smiling and the likes. Until recently the anger is coming out. She was the one that wanted to be cordial and comfortable around each other. She was the one that stated that is what she wants.

 

I know my short comings and have been working on them. People I was not friends with, I am becoming friendly with. I am not getting angry at certain situations I used to. I have made changes and progress. I know what I needed to work on and I have and will continue. It is about becoming a better person. She needed to do that also but she is going in the opposite direction.

 

Remember she wanted to be comfortable and she is not, even after I was being nice, sincere, and caring of her feelings she still is ignoring me along with playing games that everyone agrees with ARE games to get my attention. The "everyone" is wholy consisted of females in real life and cyber life.

[Scout]

I am not clear on what you mean by "games" that she is playing. I am sure she wanted to try and be cordial in the beginning, but let's be honest here, it's pretty hard to be cordial after a break-up, and it's basically an idealistic wish.

 

When we break up with someone, we feel guilt, even if the break-up was for the best. thereforeeee, we try to be friendly with the ex, especially if we work with them. Very often, we realize it is virtually impossible to go from lovers to pals, and we get uncomfortable, and then just decide it's best to keep a low profile for a while and avoid the ex. Usually, the logic being that we see our ex is still hurting very much and we don't want to lead them on or give them false hope by being too friendly with them.

[JustPlainSad]

I have told her many times when I talk to her that it is not about us getting back together. I cant get back with her she would have a lot to prove, I mean A LOT. I just care about how she is doing and want to know how she is handling life. She has been having a rough life and I understand that. I have always been cordial with my GF's after a break up. We would talk and it would slowly die down. Thats the way its always been. They all said they dont want to hate or be mean towards each other and I agreed so we were always cordail. I know she is different and such but DONT say one thing and do another. I dont do that and expect the same from everyone else.