25 Years old, alone amd in urgent need of hrlp

[Will757]

Okay, I didn't want to do this but i really need help.

 

I have reached a point in my life where i feel very low indeed. My situation is this, I'm 25, I live alone, I've never had a girlfriend and I feel terribly lonely.

 

When I was 19 there was a Girl who liked mw Nd we went out a few times and kissed on a couple of ocassions. However I didn't like her that much so decided it was best to not see her.

 

 

When I was 22 I ztarted signing up for dating sights, Match, Eharmony, OkCupid etc. I didn't have much success at first. But evwntually i met a girl from.OkCulid. We went out 3 times and it all seemed to be going well until she told me that she wasn't reaxy for a relationship.

 

I carried on using dating sites and not getting anywhere until December 2011. I then started messaging a girl and i got responsez, we met in mid December and have been out a lot of times since. I really like her and she knows the truth about my relatiobship history. When I told her that I liked her shereplied tjT she enjoyed spending time with me but would prefer to be friends for now. Sometimes she says things that make me think she is interested but then other times she makes me think it'll never happen. I want to say something but i'm too scared that if i do it'll blow any chance of this working. I know that she has only had 1 boyfriend herself and that was oy for 4 months.

 

I really need to know what to do. Should I carry on seeing her and hope that it goes somewhere or shall i try and find someone else.

 

I need to do somethibg though, I know i'm not ugly, I have a good job and i have my own flat... I'm a nice person, i just can't ever seem to get anywhere with girls at all. It"s not about sex eitjer, I mean obviously id like to do that. But i'd first of all like tje companionship of a girlfriend

[quantumst8]

First off, you should proofread your messages on these dating sites before you send them. There are so many typos in your post here that I'm quite certain they would be a turn-off to any educated woman.

 

Also, you could try getting out and being social more, such as with meet-up groups, common interest organizations, etc.

[Will757]

i do proof read. I've just written this on a new mobile phone so i'mstill getting used to it

[shotinthedark]

The last thing you ever want to do is tell a girl you like her. You want her to wonder if she likes you, or if you're interested in someone else. You've got to be a challenge here, bro. Go against every sappy romantic movie you've ever seen... you've got to get her chasing you, and that means not being too available or needy. It's not a game, it's just human emotions.

 

Back off from this girl for awhile, and don't initiate any contact. After her shooting you down, the ball is in her court. Pestering her with texts or phone calls is NOT going to help your cause.

 

Sometimes you've got to hit a few bumps in the road, but at the very least, you can take a lesson from this one.

[quantumst8]

The last thing you ever want to do is tell a girl you like her.

 

This is really dependent on the girl and your current relationship status with her. But I'll agree that for the most part, with girls you just met off dating sites, you don't want to seem over-eager.

[Will757]

Right,

 

What happened was this. We met on 18th December. We went out shopping, had coffee and chatted. She went away on Holiday during the rest of December but she stayed in contact with me through texting and Msn chat. Then when she was back in January we went out a few more times and after the 4th time I told her that I liked her and got that response. We then carried on going out places as normal and texting. We seem to send each other messages almost non stop... I don't know what to do but I really like her and I have so little experience in this area I don't know what to do...

[SpleenPoetry]

I'd also suggest you try to meet girls in real life, for example language classes (many girls there!) or sports, whatever you like! Go do things you like and be open to girls don't just rely on online dating!

[ChicoShadow]

As a girl, I have to disagree. Tell her how you feel. Don't play games. If she likes you, she will be flattered. If she doesn't you will find out. Don't ignore her because if she does actually like you, you doing that will just hurt her feelings and you might lose her by mistake. If she is still talking to you, don't see her saying you guys should just be friends as you being shot down, just see it as a sign that you will have to take things slowly and be patient.

[Dr]

As a girl, I have to disagree. Tell her how you feel. Don't play games. If she likes you, she will be flattered.

 

You sound like one of the few genuine girls out there. I assure you though from a mans POV, the total opposite works for us. Tell a woman you like her and your chances drop from slight to nothing with most women.

 

Don't tell me you've never wanted to tease or have a man chase after you? - Most women are like this and then they'll deny it saying "always be honest and tell her" yet what they nearly always mean is "don't tell us just worship the ground we walk on". Then they wonder why they can't find a decent man.

[Mitzy]

I don't think you should be telling girls that you've never had a girlfriend. A guy I know is 24 and has never had a girlfriend, and tried to chat up me and one of my friends by telling us so. He is obviously a lovely guy but quite shy and awkward. Anyway, we both agreed that after he told us that it scared us, because it made us feel that you would have to be really committed to a relationship to date him, since he is so serious about it. That's not how most people want to date, most want to see what happens and work their way up to commitment.

I think it's possible you are coming accross too serious and committed. You need to fake confidence too, so that you don't come accross as desperate. Not saying that you necessarily are, but it is a risk.

[Mitzy]

Also if you like someone you should ask them on a date pretty quickly and kiss them at the end of that date. Don't get trapped being the "nice guy" that a girl texts.

[ChicoShadow]

There is really no formula. I personally don't want a guy kissing me on the first date. It would make me very uncomfortable but that's just me. You have to pay attention to the girl you are on the date with and then decide if it feels right. Don't just go for it because someone told you it is what you should do. I also think that you should be honest about the fact that you have never had a girlfriend but that doesn't have to be the first thing you two talk about. Only mention it if it comes up naturally in the conversation. I'd prefer someone who hadn't been in a relationship to someone who had been in some ridiculous number of relationships...I would think there was something off about them. I actually often find myself in situations where I will find out either from a friend or a long time later that some guy liked me and it really annoys me because if they had just said something, maybe it would have become something. I think maybe you guys are just dealing with some really mean spirited and *****y girls. There are nice girls out there. You just overlook us or make generalizations about all women and assume that we're all the same.

[CatchersRye]

I don't think you should be telling girls that you've never had a girlfriend. A guy I know is 24 and has never had a girlfriend, and tried to chat up me and one of my friends by telling us so. He is obviously a lovely guy but quite shy and awkward. Anyway, we both agreed that after he told us that it scared us, because it made us feel that you would have to be really committed to a relationship to date him, since he is so serious about it. That's not how most people want to date, most want to see what happens and work their way up to commitment.

I think it's possible you are coming accross too serious and committed. You need to fake confidence too, so that you don't come accross as desperate. Not saying that you necessarily are, but it is a risk.

 

I'm sorry, but as a shy guy. I have to say, maybe it's not the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend, but because you weren't looking for a relationship. Also, just because a guy is ready for a girlfriend, doesn't mean he wants to force it onto you off the bat.

 

It just so happens my current girlfriend and I talked about what we wanted and we didn't kiss until the 7th date. We are much older than 24 (she's 28 and I'm 29). But I also think it is because we are more open to talk about it and like to see where a relationship goes before rushing in with a kiss before we got a chance to display our personalities. She was a bit shy during our first two dates and it wasn't until the third date we started opening up.

 

To OP:

Definitely, proofread your profile. That is the first thing they learn about you. Also, take their advice and don't rush in to the emotions. It feels great, but there is a difference between liking someone and liking having someone around you. Say you like hanging out and you had fun, but be careful not to crowd them.

 

Does she like to text? Some woman like to talk instead.

 

Are you always initiating contact? (If so, slow down).

 

Sometimes it is best to contact once and see if she likes to go out again and then see if she wants to make plans then or let you take time to plan something unique (ie: Laser tag, poetry events, museums, picnics, bike riding, hiking. Aka non-stereotypical dates, helps breaks the ice).

 

Above all, don't feel like to have to act one way or another. It's just about controlling your impulses so you don't let the excitement get to your head.

[CatchersRye]

Great advice, my girlfriend doesn't like talking about her exes so it was a while before she asked about my experience. I told her and that lead to a very nice conversation.

[Ms Darcy]

If she told you she just wants to be friends, I think you should respect that and pursue other girls. I agree with the other posters that you should proofread your profile and meet girls in real life as well. I know it's tough to be lonely but don't let lonliness get you into a situation where you are chasing someone who is not interested.

[imsuperman]

Pursue someone else. For future reference, don't tell women you've never had a gf, and don't tell them you "like them."

[Will757]

I know I've buggered this all up. I am just about ready to give up and forget about ever having a girlfriend.

 

It is really difficult for me to meet people. I try and try and try and no one ever seems interested in me. I feel extremely depressed right now... I don't want to spend my life alone and end up some miserable and bitter old man that has no friends, family or life. However there is nothing I can seem to do to stop this happening right now.

 

Everything else in my life seems to have been easy. I got a job easily, I got a flat easily, and everything else that I try I can do. Yet I try and talk to women and I mess it right up.

 

I know that she said she would prefer to be friends for now, when I told her that I liked her but she also went on to say that it was good to know. However I read that at the time as saying that she wasn't uninterested she'd just prefer to take things slower. It is always her who texts me initiating contact and she always ends up staying out late talking to me when we go out.

 

I'm not going to lie to people about my past relationship history. Why should I? I know that it is not exactly the most appealing thing, but I don't want to have to lie to someone when the truth will eventually come out and make matters worse.

[Ms Darcy]

If you don't want to take any advice that's fine, but we're not the ones single and frustrated

 

No one is telling you to lie. We are encouraging you to avoid sharing everything too early and stop pursuing someone who is not into you.

[pl3asehelp]

I agree with you you shouldn't lie about your relationship history. Dating is very hard and the only thing I think you can learn from this experience is if she tells you she just wants to be friends, move on. I wouldn't even accept friendship. I have tons of friends and don't want to clutter up my life with fake friendships with girls I went on one date with and decided not to pursue any further. IMO, those people are best forgotten about so you can move on to people who are interested.

[memento]

Pursue someone else. For future reference, don't tell women you've never had a gf, and don't tell them you "like them."

 

This poster summed it up nicely. I don't condoned lying but maybe you might try stretching the truth to make yourself more appealing. Also, if your a virgin, don't mention that either.

[Will757]

If you don't want to take any advice that's fine, but we're not the ones single and frustrated

 

No one is telling you to lie. We are encouraging you to avoid sharing everything too early and stop pursuing someone who is not into you.

 

I appreciate that. And you are right. I am going to start going out and trying to meet new people. There is no point sitting at home on dating websites and complaining about my life. I have to do something now. So as of Monday I'm going to make a fresh start,

[CatchersRye]

This poster summed it up nicely. I don't condoned lying but maybe you might try stretching the truth to make yourself more appealing. Also, if your a virgin, don't mention that either.

 

Absolutely, wrong. Don't "stretch" the truth. Just talk about things other than relationships. If it comes up naturally in conversation (like they ask you), then respond honestly, but not in a self-deprecating manner.

 

If the relationship is going to work, it's going to work because that person wants to get to know you and doesn't care about your lack of experience.

 

Just demonstrate a willingness to try new things, don't focus on rushing to certain stages of the relationship, and definitely focus on people that are interested in having a relationship.

 

Know what you want, do you truly want a committed relationship? If you know, absolutely, what you want and someone does not meet that, then continue on.

[Will757]

Right, so I really am.needing some help now as I feel so strange and I don't know how to respond. I earlier mentioned that I have been.seeing this girl, we have continued to go out and do stuff. Since the last time I posted she has initated all contact, be it text or meetings. last weekend we arranged to go out on.the Saturday and met at1130 and didn'tsay goodbye till 2330. We get on really well and she always seems tofind excuses to touch me or sits really close to me on benches and stuff. After going out last saturday, we also went out on Sunday, and again spent the whole day together. Then yesterday ecenin, she came to my place, we watched a film, ate Pizza and made a cake. She decided to turn out the lights and we ended up lying on the sofa in the dark for well over an hour, I held her hand dring this time and she didn't seem to mind or moveaway. She also kepttickling me. Whilst we were watching the fim I kept seeing her playing with her hair and she kept doing this thing whereby she would tap her feet on the floor and put her arm behind me on the sofa. I took her to the station at around 11pm. The other day she text me asking if i wanted to go to a comedy club aa her friend had invited 'us'. Please tell me am i reading too much into this, or is there something there

[memento]

You got to make a move dude. No one on here can do it for you. Next time your alone, go for it. DO THIS, invite her over after the comedy club for another movie, just the two of you., Lay on the couch so she has to lay down next to you, massage her thigh, and go for it....

[Lucy3]

The last thing you ever want to do is tell a girl you like her. You want her to wonder if she likes you, or if you're interested in someone else. You've got to be a challenge here, bro. Go against every sappy romantic movie you've ever seen... you've got to get her chasing you, and that means not being too available or needy. It's not a game, it's just human emotions.

 

Back off from this girl for awhile, and don't initiate any contact.

 

you should really know that most girls are not into games, well unless you want the type that plays games herself, if you want a nice girl doing things like stopping contact and making her chase you are not going to get you that far.

 

I do agree that their needs to be an element of mystery but nice girls do not go for game players! And this guy is 25, hes too old for games!