toolgirl150 Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 Ok - this is a bit of a rant and maybe a question in there somewhere. I am 36 years old and I have to say this is the first time I've been "officially dumped". I've had break ups, and relationships end, but first time a full blown dumping. What was I thinking? That I'd make it through life without a being burned? HAH!! Anyway - I'm trying to deal, trying to move on, trying to forget all the good things we had, all the "could have beens", but one thing is driving me nuts: HE STILL WANTS TO BE FRIENDS!! He called me last night, wanted to know if we were going hunting next week (sorry, we share a hunting passion) as if everything is okdokely! He wants to be friends! He wants to talk with me on occasion!! Why do dumpers feel the need to keep us (the dumpees) as friends? I dont' want to be his friend, I want to be his lover, and more! How can I be his friend when all I think about him being with his ex-wife again? Are these people nuts??? I have certainly broken up with people in the past, but I always tried and worked it to the point I didn't want anything to do with them by then. and its not like we broke up after driving eachother crazy. The passion was (and is still) there right up to the end. I take 2 steps forward then one step back when he contacts me. Has anybody else experienced this? Anybody have any theories why they insist on doing that crap to us? grrrr. Link to comment
owlman Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 A friend of mine (a young woman, if it matters) once drunkenly explained to me that her reason for using the "let's still be friends" line was to take blame off of her when it didn't work. She could then tell others, and more importantly herself, that it was the other person's fault it hadn't worked out. She "had at least tried to be friends and stay close, but they just couldn't handle it." I remember thinking "Damn thats cold." Link to comment
Pengui6668 Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 The reason they wanna be friends afterwards? So there's less hard feelings just in case things with someone new doesn't work... unless you were friends before they don't wanna be friends afterwards... just a safety barrier kinda... That's how it's always been for me and from what i've seen from other people.. Link to comment
happy lady1207 Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 Yeah they want to be friends, in my case and i'm not tooting my own horn but shoot, he wants me back because i was the best thing that every happened to that moron. I don't hate him but i know he will never get a piece of this good stuff. But back to you: Men want to be friends with you when they break up just incase along the road you two maybe able to get back in a relationship. (If it is permitted) Its a stupid idea. Then again maybe he feels the same way, and doesnt want to let you know he wants you back.... Sad to say but it can also mean that he wants his ego stroked because he knows that you still want him and that makes him happy. Good luck!!!! Link to comment
aloneforever Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 He just doesn't want to feel bad, thats all. Link to comment
toolgirl150 Posted April 30, 2003 Author Share Posted April 30, 2003 Good, I hope he does feel bad. Although not nearly as bad as I feel lately. Let him feel bad. I hope he wakes up one day and really regrets walking away from something so good - a situation where he would have been allowed to be himself because I loved him just the way he was. jerk Link to comment
gelsey Posted May 7, 2003 Share Posted May 7, 2003 There are two reasons I believe dumpers intend to be friends. The first reason is to compensate for any guilt they might be feeling for the sour relationship. The second reason is to have the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility which is an unnecessary power play. The true question is how much power will you allow him to have? I know its difficult and the last thing you want to do is to play "the game" we all feel we are supposed to dismiss as we grow up, but sometimes the game is necessary in order to gain control over what's rightfully ours, our hearts. Be his friend, but certainly don't cater to him and please, I urge you, completely learn to discern between needing him and wanting him and know that you don't need him. Once you know that, eventually you won't want him either. I know you can do it! Link to comment
SayinWhatUWont Posted May 7, 2003 Share Posted May 7, 2003 "Friends" is what basiclly just having the pro's of a person, without having to deal with the con's... I believe the word is used too loosely......And thats sad but true...... You determine to what extent your "friendship" balances-out at. Don't let your desire to have a friend deter your common sense.....IOW...Dont letvhim/her use you........ Good Luck Sweetie............ "No disrespect, just my opinion." Link to comment
optimistic Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 Hi all.. You know you guys have opened up my eyes too here... I've just been dumped too after a 4 and half year run. She still wants to be friends with me... the Friends part is painful for me because I still want her, (as dumpees usually do)... Lately, she has changed her mind and said she wants me back... I'm thinking the friends part is a safty net for her now--- like if it all goes wrong with the other guy (i think it is..).. I'll be waiting here to pick it all up and put it back together again... I don't know what the future will hold... maybe after some time and space we may get it back... but not right now... not under these circumstances. optimistic Link to comment
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