Does Age Ever Matter?

[KBlade]

This a general question to everyone. I want to get lots of people's opinions on the whole age gap thing as a whole. Myself I am 20 and I'm good friends with a 29 year old girl who I have a huge crush on but I want to get some perspective before I do anything. I'm not sure whether people still see an age gap as being different depending on whether the younger person is the male or female. My mom and step-dad have a 17 year gap with her being the older and none of my family or friends seem to think its a big deal and neither do I they work great together, they are 45 and 62. My mom and dad have 5 years between them with him being the older. Is 5 years considered a gap?. I'm just unsure of what the general accepted thing is, like do most people not care or do some think its strange?

My own opinion is that age does not matter what so ever but I have no idea how this girl I like thinks about it.

 

Any Replies or PMs are welcome

[AzurePhoenix]

Good question.

 

Love and attraction can come at any age difference regardless of the gap and gender. The difference really is the flavor of the problems the two people face together and how well they can work together to overcome those problems.

 

Life is a series of problems that have to be dealt with in some manner. It is the experience of these issues that allow us to grow, it is the manner in which we address these challenges that define our character.

 

We have physical, emotional and intellectual needs that we seek to share with special people in our lives. Some of the more intimate needs we term as our "significant other" or "Wife" or "husband" or "mate".. etc. In the stages of a relationship there is an intitial euphoric period that eventually settles down into an intimate partnerwhip with whom we share the challenges of our personal world.

 

When the age gap between the two people in the relationship is wide, then there are additional challenges that these people face together. The challenges can be simple.. meaning that perhaps one partner can go places that the other partner can not go for a short period of time (Such as Bars or clubs.). The challenges can be more complex, such as sterotyping the relationship by other people in a social setting (a younger woman may be seen as a trophy wife or a gold digger). While these observations are held by other people, and not necessarily the two folks involved in the relationship we do not live in a vacuume. Social regard has a bearing on employment opportunities, and personal satisfaction in other relationships outside of the intimate relationship itself.

 

There is the probability shift in health issues and energy levels. Older people have a higher chance of experiencing health problems (both minor and major) than younger people. definitely there are energy level issues. I know that I am 9 years older than my wife and she has much more energy than I do. She can race up the stairs when we are playing around, while my knees trob after I do the same activity.

 

Then there are some cultural issues. You are attracted to her now at 29 and you are 20. When you are 36 and she is 45, you will be in the prime of your life and will attract women much younger than she is. She may have problems dealing with the possible insecurities that arise from this.

 

In other words, it takes more work, understanding and problem solving than in age close relatioships.

 

I hope that this helps in some way..

 

~AzurePhoenix

[lonelyandblue]

I do not recommend it. I have a 17 year age gap, too. And it is hard to manage. Energy levels, health, sex drive, all different and difficult to deal with for me and our relationship. If I did it again, I wouldn't go more than 5 years age difference.

[Mermaid]

I have to disagree...

 

I just turned 28 and am a few years older than my guy (who's in his early twenties). When we were just friends, he was the youngest in our group (who ranged in age from mid-twenties to early thirties) and he was by far the most mature. Still, for a long time I was hesitant to get into a relationship with him, until I realized that this "younger man" had made me feel more loved, protected and content than anyone I've ever known. He's also the most stable person in the world.

 

When my mom first met him, she was astonished at his maturity, poise and well-roundedness. (She says she kept having to remind herself of his real age.) The guy can sit and talk intelligently about politics and world affairs, and then switch to video games and anime. He's lightyears older than his chronological age, and is every bit my equal. He's so mature, in fact, that the first thing his mother said when he told her he'd met someone and was in love, was, "Are you going to marry her?"

 

His interests aren't the same as other guys his age. He has no desire to go out drinking with friends or to rack up as many sexual partners as possible. Instead, he's content to curl up on the couch and watch movies, lie in bed and draw (he's an artist) or even go to the supermarket with me! In fact, this guy has taught ME some things! He's a complete and total nurturer, and more of a man than any of the older guys I've ever met. I think a lot of it stems from his innate personality (old soul) and the way he was raised. (And he's a TOTAL romantic.)

 

During school, he had it rough because he was so much more mature than this peers. Because of that, he was more interested in hanging out with adults; he found he could relate better to them. Girls his age were more interested in the jocks and bad boys than in the shy, introspective artist who preferred quiet conversation to wild parties. And because I was the exact same way during elementary and high school (I just faked it better), it's as though we have found the male and female version of each other.

 

The thing is, that in many cases age isn't just a number--because, typically, there is a very big difference in maturity (especially when you consider that men are usually less mature than women of the same age). But there are exceptions to any rule, and I've found one. It pays to keep age in mind when you're first getting to know someone, but don't let it be the sole influence--especially if you've come to realize that, in the other person's case, age has no bearing on their maturity.

 

Follow the example your own parents have set, as they're a proven success with a much, much bigger age difference than yours. It's all about maturity.

[WishMistress]

It all depends on the maturity and experience of the people involved. For the most part I would not recommend a greater than 10 year gap cause then you are just getting into a generational gap, where common experineces and view points would be virtually nil.

[eggs8]

In my opinion age does not matter as long as both people are concenting adults. (18 or older) I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I am 33 and my husband is 41. We have our monents as all couples do. So I say if you have feels for this girl let her know. She could very well feel the samer way towards you. Life is to short to live unhappy!

[Mermaid]

It all depends on the maturity and experience of the people involved. For the most part I would not recommend a greater than 10 year gap cause then you are just getting into a generational gap, where common experineces and view points would be virtually nil.

 

I would agree there, though it can still work. A difference of ten years crosses into a separate generation, whereas anything below ten years is still within the same generation. My boyfriend and I were still children at the same time and we have a lot of the same shared experiences in terms of music, movies, toys, etc., from childhood, as well as having experienced the same technologies, world affairs, etc. from a similar vantage point.

 

But I'll also say that before meeting him, I'd met several much older men (men who were anywhere from 20-25 years older than me), whom I had a lot in common with because of my own maturity level and worldliness. I also have some older relatives who have spouses who are 15-20 years younger and their marriages have lasted for decades, thus far.

 

So again, it's all about maturity.

[AzurePhoenix]

hehe..

 

There are two factors here and I was referring to physical ones, not the mental ones.

 

There is Physical age and Mental age.

 

I completely agree that mental factors do not play a role. If the person is 65 and they meet someone 25 years younger and they click, that they can have an attraction and have a fulfilling relationship. However, the physical differences can, will, and do play a role. This is not to say that these differences cannot be overcome. It is merely to point out, that the differences exist and will be a factor in the future, a factor that will not be present if the two parties were the same age.

 

Some of those factors most people never think about. If I met and married a woman 20 years my junior, then most likely I will pass away before her. It is not certain, but it is probable. That is a factor. If I met the same woman and she turned 30, which is her sexual prime, I would be 50 and there are questions of vitality, energy and passion that will come up. If that woman were very attractive, desiring of a healthy sex life..what then? This is a factor. It has nothing to do with mentality, similiar interests, but of physical capability and the changing of our bodies with time.

 

When we talk about an age gap, what are our definitions? I am talking to about a 10 year or more age gap. I do not consider a 4 or 6 year age gap to be significant at all. Nine years is pushing it into the realms of possible issues.

 

~AzurePhoenix

[Mermaid]

 

When we talk about an age gap, what are our definitions? I am talking to about a 10 year or more age gap. I do not consider a 4 or 6 year age gap to be significant at all. Nine years is pushing it into the realms of possible issues.

 

~AzurePhoenix

 

Love reading your posts, AzurePhoenix.

 

And I agree--as I said above, both physically and mentally, I don't consider anything under ten years to be an age gap worth mentioning.

 

In regards to physical differences, I want to add that, statistically speaking, men die an average of seven years sooner than women (potential variables, such as serious disease or injury, aside). So, if we women find ourselves a guy who's a few years younger, things even out.

 

 

[theghost]

hmm....I'm 19, and I don't like to go parting nor smoking...

 

I am a small social person...I like to be with small groups.

and I always cuddle....but I don't like watching movies that much

 

Well...maybey because I'm busy and stuff like that.

[KBlade]

In my opinion age does not matter as long as both people are concenting adults. (18 or older) I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I am 33 and my husband is 41. We have our monents as all couples do. So I say if you have feels for this girl let her know. She could very well feel the samer way towards you. Life is to short to live unhappy!

hehe I think this is exactly what I wanted to hear

 

With maturity levels I think we are about the same we spend lots of time playing internet computer games together, we laugh at the same things and like the same music. We also confide in each other about life problems and our pasts. I'm not going into detail about this but we have had some of the same bad things happen in the past before we met.

We don't lie to each other about anything and are completely open which is making me feel guilty about not telling her. She has said that I am cute before but I think she means more cute like a puppy.

I am scared that she only sees me as a friend and if I tell her that I want more I will lose her if she does not feel that way.

What someone mentioned about when I am 36 and she is 45 (can't remember who but thx for bringing it up) I can't imagine not being attracted to her. I mean she is very beautiful but it really is about whats on the inside that matters for me. She has had a very difficult life so far and I just want to make her happy thats all I feel like doing. If I ever tell a joke or do something that makes her laugh or even just smile it makes me feel really great inside.

We sometimes even finish each others sentences.

 

OK, I think I will tell her when/if the perfect moment comes up. Thanks guys for the replies.