Really not helping myself

[stevef20]

I 100% agree, ignore me, I'm just really into her and fear loss, its messed up and ill await admission to my padded room

[penelope13]

did you try the breathing exercise?

[stevef20]

I did, just feel Sooo very sad and empty.

 

Go enjoy your weekend my friend.

 

I'm sorry I've burdened you

[penelope13]

Try to google 'thought stopping' and try to do that over the weekend.

[stevef20]

I'm gonna give in Penelope, sometimes wonder if life is worth it

[penelope13]

Yes, it's worth it. You are just suffering from depression and anxiety at the moment, so it doesn't allow you to be calm and rational and recognize the negative thought patterns for what the are.

 

Don't give up. I don't know where you live or what the weather is like, but why not plan to do something fun for the weekend, go skiing or hiking?

[stevef20]

I'm working so can't, perhaps tomorrow.

 

I'm going to give in though, let's face it, what kind of a partner does a depressed person with anxiety make? Not a good one.

 

Tired of feeling like this, roll on 2013

[penelope13]

That's why you are looking into therapy: to learn how to deal with these emotions and thoughts and how to gain a different perspective.

[stevef20]

Yeah I know, just a shame my issues have cost me another great girl

 

Thanks Penelope

[penelope13]

NO, nothing is decided yet with the new girl. Everything is still possible - but you have to get a grip of yourself

[stevef20]

Can't hon, clearly a loser, need a hug

[penelope13]

You are not a loser, but suffering from depression. I know it's really tough to deal with it, but you can get better.

[stevef20]

I wish I had your optimism

[penelope13]

Well, sometimes we need to share

[stevef20]

Do you have a few dozen mates who will give me some optimism each?

 

I really can't believe what I gave become, I'm ashamed of myself.

[penelope13]

No need to feel ashamed, as long as you do something about it and invest the energy and the hard work to get to a better point. Giving up is the only thing not on the menu.

 

Don't allow yourself to be stuck in the self pity phase.

 

Decide you want to get better. And you know you have taken the first step by making an appointment. Consider that your accomplishment of the week and focus on that instead of what could have/should have

[stevef20]

I'm trying, promise

[penelope13]

Check out this website: link removed - it's free and may help you a bit with your thought patterns

[JonasWaingaro]

Can't hon, clearly a loser, need a hug

 

(hug) Believe me man, I need a hug right about now as well. More than anything. Anyhoo, you aren't a loser. Penelope is right, you are depressed and obsessing. Obsessing will just make it worse as it's a runaway snowball. The more you obsess the bigger that snowball becomes. Plus obsessing just makes you more and more depressed. And you know what? Obsessing won't make a bit of difference in your situation. She either likes you and wants to get to know or not. What will make a difference is what you project out to her. If you come off as obsessed and depressed, well, you know, that will send a bad message. You really have to distract your mind. Do something physical. Do something that makes your mind focus on something else. Thought stopping is an excellent idea. Hang in there.

[quirky]

Well..we all need a hug but we're not getting one so let's focus on the facts. ahem..(clears throat)

 

FACT Number 1

 

You have gone on a couple of dates with her and she seems responsive. You will likely go on another date or there is a chance you won't. Your life doesn't depend on this. Your existence doesn't depend on this. You know very little about each other. Do not attach so much importance on this interraction.

 

FACT Number 2

 

You are obsessing. Obsessing thinking is another way of avoiding responsibility for ourselves. Here's a link that might shed some light

 

link removed

 

FACT Number 3

 

We can't control someone else's reactions, thoughts, feelings. All you can control are your own. I know it feels 'dead' and 'rigid' doing that. But the idea is to hold back a little now so you get more goodies later. It will also build you a greater sense of self respect. By going slower, waiting for things instead of being fearful you can learn to base your choices on desire rather than need. (co-dependents hardly ever think of their own true needs)

[stevef20]

Thanks Jonas, a big hug back st you fella, I hope you're ok?

 

Quirky, I consider myself told, bit harsh perhaps but I guess no holding back sometimes helps.

 

So I text her saying didn't know what time she was back but if still wanted to see me tonight it would be nice, got a fairly quick response saying not back til late and feeling ill, no another time, no pleasentries and so I guess I have the answer I thought was coming.

 

Gutted

[penelope13]

No, all you know is that she is not back yet and that she is ill. Nothing else.

 

If I was traveling and not feeling well I wouldn't have the energy to think about anything else. especially if I don't know how much longer I will be ill. Also the first day back from traveling is probably not the night I would want to go on a date, even with the most amazing guy

[stevef20]

The date tonight was her idea before she went not mine but I agree with you.

 

I was more put out that there was no "sorry I can't tonight" or "another time" I can't help having feelings for this girl, wish I didn't in a perverse way.

[penelope13]

if she suggested the date, why were you worried that she wouldn't want to see you anymore?

 

This amount of worrying is not healthy, not to say unattractive. Can you realize how negative your thoughts are? can you try to stop yourself and rationalize that your fears are unrealistic and self made?

[stevef20]

I don't think I'm asking for too much expecting just a little back, a little sign if interest is all I ask