What is better - Minimal Contact or No Contact?

[whattheheck]

My ex dumped me about 7 weeks ago, and right now am on 4 weeks no contact. She is with her new boyfriend now, since we broke up.

 

Just wondering if minimal contact (every 2-3 weeks) by email just to say hi, would be better than strictly no contact.

 

Or, should I do NC for another month or so, an then maybe contact her with an email just to say hi?

 

Any ideas?

[detox5]

Not too sure, i reckon strickly NC, cause i did the same as you, every month or so, I would email her and say, hope you are well hope things and college are ok, i didnt get a reply most the time. So just keep to pure NC i think it works in both ways, the healing and them missing you.

[Noggy27]

agreed...

 

Minimal contact quite clearly reminds them that you are still hanging on.. They can go to bed at night and sleep well knowing that you are sitting there still thinking of them. No contact makes them wonder if you are still alive. Then the thoughts start to expand.. What if hes in hospital? Wonder if hes ok? Wonder what hes doing? Wonder if hes got a new girlfriend etc etc.. Oh how I miss him..

 

Get my point?

[lunatic]

NO CONTACT IS THE WAY TO GO. I always said that a problem or emotion is out of mind if out of sight.

 

Hubman

[detox5]

heh wonder if hes alive, i like that *grins*

[whattheheck]

Thanks to all - but the problem is, i think she will totally forget about me (we had a 4 year relationshp) if I never contact her, especially since she is dating someone else. How can I even "compete" with her new man by doing nothng?

 

any suggestions?

 

 

Hubman - like you said about being out of sight/mind - that's what I'm afraid of! She will end up forgetting me.

[SteveNaive]

Hey ya!

 

I would say no contact is the better option here. She is seeing someone else now, and apart from the fact that you should be accepting that, it will not be helpful if you run after her by reminding her that you still want her back... Because that is what you would be doing, right?!

 

Apart from that...there is no "competition" between you and her new guy. She has him now...so why do you think you are competing?!

 

However, I don't want to think that she will forget you. In the end you had a four year relationship, and that is quite a long time. Nevertheless, by saying that she will not forget you I am not saying that she will want you back somewhen! Maybe she will remember how good it was...but that is the point: "WAS"...

 

If she really does forget about you, then you will not change anything by remembering her of you. On the contrary, it might even drive her further away. If she does miss you and wants to be back with you she will contact you. If she doesn't...well... Sometimes even good things come to an end...unfortunately. Things just change. They don't need a reason.

[lunatic]

Hey if she is seeing someone new then you don't need to be with her. If she is that inconsiderate then you should keep up No contact. Why should you have to "compete" with her new guy?

 

Personally and this comes from experience, move on and forget this one no matter how much pain it will cause. Why should you have to compete against another man? She is moving on with her life and you should be with yours.

 

Hubman

[whattheheck]

Thanks to all - it's just awful sometimes how I just want to contact her in some way, just to see if she'll respond. But I know that is probably not a good thing to do. I already know that she will not respond, but i still want her to know I'm here - which as you all said, may just backfire on me.

 

I was even thinking about sending her a blank email, or call her cell when i know she's not available to answer it so she can see my number on her caller id, just to see if she will respond. It's scary how my mind tries to find ways to handle things.

 

I think the problem is, I never got closure from the breakup - she just flipped and left (i should have noticed the signs before it happened, though). she basically called me and said it's over.

 

I still wish I could sit down and talk to her just to get some answers, but I know it's not going to happen. I'm trying so hard to forget about it and move on.

[densil]

Yeah, I know how you feel. And you know what, if you contact her I think she probably would get back to you. BUT she would ring you or email you and she would not tell you what you want to hear. Instead you will feel even worse because her reply will be soooo mundane etc. And you say that you are worried that she may forget about you? Well if she does then that shows in itself that she was NOT right for you.

 

I like you have many unanswered questions, but I think that sometimes in this life we just have to accept that we are not going to get satisfactory answers to all our questions. This to me is unbearable at the moment, but I believe that acceptance of this fact is necessary.

 

Regards,

 

Steve

[cassiana]

I would also advise no contact as she is with someone else. How nice and cosy for her to have a new guy but also the security of knowing that you are still there looking for scrAps. Did she dump you for him?

The best revenge is to live well.

Go out, have a good time and date. She might come crawling back, she might not. But if your thinking about you then you will feel better.

She may not be so lucky again. Heh this site is full of girls who never got that lucky once.

 

I hope hubman got out of that fire alive.

[lunatic]

Cassiana,

 

lol I got out of there just fine and in one piece. I have been in worse fires over the years so it does not phase me anymore.

 

Thanks for the laugh I needed it today!!!!

 

Hubman 8)

[cassiana]

Glad to hear you survived. I would move the car though. It could blow!