Chelsea931 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 What if .. Mr nice turns out to be mr right ? Link to comment
jkhunter Posted January 22, 2012 Author Share Posted January 22, 2012 Chelsea931, you're right. What if Mr. Nice turns out to be Mr. Right? All of the "nice guys" I know have been great boyfriends when they've had the chance to be in a relationship. One of the things that always bothered me is when my ex's broke up with me they told me how fantastic I was as a partner. Unfortunately, though, they had major issues that caused them to feel like the couldn't continue in a relationship (fear of commitment, manic depression, etc.). So I know I'm "Mr. Right" material. The problem is getting a girl to give me enough of a chance to find that out. Thorshammer, you're also right. My biggest obstacle is confidence. I'm afraid of putting myself out there and getting rejected so I play small unless I know she's interested in me. The problem, though, is our society expects the guy to make all the moves and do the chasing so if I'm not making my intentions obvious, she assumes I have no interest in her. Link to comment
jkhunter Posted January 22, 2012 Author Share Posted January 22, 2012 I don't quite understand this notion of needing a guy to be challenging. Are you really saying you spend the rest of your life with a guy that challenges you? It wouldn't be easier and more pleasant to have someone in your life that you get along with really well and you have this nice, smooth relationship with him? Life is challenging enough, why do you want you relationship to be that way, too? Also, why don't women consider having a romantic relationship with a guy that's a friend? It seems to me that a relationship with someone that is already a good friend would be the best kind to have. You're already close, you know each other, you get along well, you like each other, etc. As long as there is the possibility that you could be attracted to each other, why not go with that? I mean, maybe I'm wrong here, but don't you ultimately want to be best friends with your boyfriend? Link to comment
Chelsea931 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 don't worry jkhunter you will find the right girl it may not be the right time .. the thing is my mum always told me t let the guy make the first move .. due to the number of rejections that I got.. there fore i stuck to that piece of advice for fear of being rejected however many more times looool Link to comment
Chelsea931 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 it is kinda funny but also a little annoying because when you get your first couple of rejection you still have hope but by the 50th rejection your like : ''don't say it !'' because you know what is coming .. i have had that sorta experience .so i just stopped trying.. Link to comment
Chelsea931 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 ''Life is challenging enough, why do you want you relationship to be that way, too?'' I just have to laugh at this bit ..it is true though. Link to comment
Jaded Too Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I totally agree with the last post. I had zero physical attraction to my last boyfriend. He was, well, just not attractive. But the more I was around him, the more he showed his confidence and definitely used seduction in that he wasn't desperate and overly eager to be with me. He had a life and hobbies and lots of friends. It was intriguing, to say the least. Use those things to your advantage. We dated for a year and a half. Link to comment
Chelsea931 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I sound mean , and I am sorry but everytime i look at that part i just LOOL Link to comment
vix8 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 because you didn't create sexual tension. your became a friend to them. like one of their girlfriends that they can vent stuff out to. there are good guys like you who can still get woman, they just don't let out all their feelings until they become intimate with a girl. the whole girl attracted to bad boy thing is bull.. there are tons of girls attracted to good guys, and they can tell whether they act out their emotions or not. your just leaving your "story" a mystery for them. stop venting to them as much as you do. instead joke around (humor can be very attractive), and talk about common interests. No offense, but as much as everyone is a drag in some sort of way... no one wants to see themselves end up with a venting machine, a.k.a. dealing with a "drag" in a relationship. Link to comment
jkhunter Posted January 23, 2012 Author Share Posted January 23, 2012 Vix8, thank you for your insight. Actually, I don't vent a lot unless there's something really bothering me. Instead, I'm the one the girl is venting to. When I say I'm sensitive, I just mean that I empathize with people , I express my feelings rather than clamming up and, yes, I am willing to cry under certain circumstances and not be embarrassed about it. I would say maybe my biggest "problem" is I actually treat women like people. I am interested in their thoughts, feelings, aspirations, etc. I don't just see them as sexual objects and I respect them. Now I'm not going to say categorically that women don't want to be treated that way but, from what I've seen in my own experience, they are more drawn to guys that don't extend those courtesies. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 I completely agree with getting over ones insecurity is primordial and key to making you feel better about yourself and thus later on attracting women.BUT! when one has exhausted and scoured everywhere for answers than there isnt much one can do and thus feels like surrendering.Im all for fighting the good fight but it becomes very discouraging when you cant do something thats pretty much SIMPLE,its not Im trying to find a way to cure cancer. Link to comment
jkhunter Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 Chelsea, you don't sound mean but I am curious why you find the part about not wanting a relationship to be challenging funny. Perhaps you can shed some light on a woman's perspective? Link to comment
jkhunter Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 Resilient7, very good point. Yeah, this isn't exactly rocket science so it SHOULD be pretty simple to do, right? LOL Of course, guys like you and me know better. I have to be fair, though. There are plenty of wonderful, sweet, kind, loving women out there that are in the exact same boat we are so it goes both ways. The question, though, is why? Why do some people find it so easy to attract partners while others couldn't do it to save their life? Point a gun to my brother's head and tell him he has 24 hours to get a girl interested in him or you'll kill him and, sure enough, he'll have 3 or 4 on his arm. Put me in the same scenario and you might as well just pull the trigger right then and there. On the bright side, though, I do know a handful of women are interested in guys like me because I have had 4 be very strongly attracted to me in my lifetime. The funny part, though, is it happened while I was doing absolutely nothing to try and get their attention or win them over. I was just being myself 100% and, yes, my extreme niceness and the fact that I treated them like people is what drew them to me. I guess if your goal is to date a bunch of women and have multiple short term relationships, guys like me will fail miserably. However, if you want one or two really good, solid, long term relationships, guys like me have a much better chance. We just have very long dry spells between relationships. Link to comment
jkhunter Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 What if .. Mr nice turns out to be mr right ? They'll never know because they aren't willing to give Mr. Nice a chance. Link to comment
hrtlsngl7 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 My standard advice to guys like you: You need to become more ALPHA!!! Drive a motorcycle, lift weights, go shooting, play Madden 2015 or MW3 on your MANBOX360. Bottomline bro, build up your test. Become a threat. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Vix8, thank you for your insight. Actually, I don't vent a lot unless there's something really bothering me. Instead, I'm the one the girl is venting to. When I say I'm sensitive, I just mean that I empathize with people , I express my feelings rather than clamming up and, yes, I am willing to cry under certain circumstances and not be embarrassed about it. I would say maybe my biggest "problem" is I actually treat women like people. I am interested in their thoughts, feelings, aspirations, etc. I don't just see them as sexual objects and I respect them. Now I'm not going to say categorically that women don't want to be treated that way but, from what I've seen in my own experience, they are more drawn to guys that don't extend those courtesies. Stop being a venting machine for women, for starts I'd say. A lot of guys have this silly notion that that boyfriend material is someone who listens to their girlfriend cry for hours and vent about her problem. Most girls that I know don't do that... crying and being upset and complaining all the time is not attractive, so we girls go to our female friends and platonic male friends - because honestly I don't care if a friend thinks I look pathetic - and when I feel better I go to see my boyfriend. For me, to go vent to a boyfriend, it has to be REALLY bad. It has little to do with being sensitive and insensitive, it's just realizing that friendships and relationships play different roles in people's lives. Link to comment
goodfoot Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Stop being a venting machine for women, for starts I'd say. A lot of guys have this silly notion that that boyfriend material is someone who listens to their girlfriend cry for hours and vent about her problem. Most girls that I know don't do that... crying and being upset and complaining all the time is not attractive, so we girls go to our female friends and platonic male friends - because honestly I don't care if a friend thinks I look pathetic - and when I feel better I go to see my boyfriend. For me, to go vent to a boyfriend, it has to be REALLY bad. It has little to do with being sensitive and insensitive, it's just realizing that friendships and relationships play different roles in people's lives. Yea, being a girl's "emotional tampon" is the kiss of death. Especially if she's venting about another guy. Link to comment
carra Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Stop being a venting machine for women Yea, being a girl's "emotional tampon" is the kiss of death I'm afraid that won't solve a thing. Guys do not get friend-zoned because girls cry on their shoulder. Girls cry in their shoulder because they *have already* been friendzoned. ... or do you ever see any women trying to tell their boy problems to the guy they like? Link to comment
goodfoot Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 It's still possible to change their mind later on. I've had female friends show interest in me months after the fact. Simply by maintaining that boundary. Link to comment
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