LastMan Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 So the other day I had to drop in at my ex-gf's work to get some mail from her. I lived with her about 3 months ago and she still occasionally receives my mail. Long story short: We were together 3 years, lived with each other for 7 months. In a weak and stupid moment I cheated on her (no sex but came home with a hickey). I showed remorse and thought things were good with us but she started to lose interest and finally kicked me to the curb for her coworker. Her new guy is the polar opposite of me, buys her flowers, gifts, confesses love, etc. I was always more distant with her and admittedly a bit neglectful at times. Immediately following the break-up I sort of lost control and let emotions get the best of me. I didn't want to lose her and tried to do "damage control", we were still having sex but I could tell she just wanted to have me gone so she can hook up with her co-worker. It was pathetic, lol. I am truly ashamed and disgusted with my behavior. So now I just leave her alone. She only contacts me concerning mail and financial matters. Seeing her at work the other day wasn't as painful as I thought, I felt a twinge of longing but kept it to myself and was polite but distant. I just showed up, we exchanged small talk and I took my letter and walked away as soon as possible. I just wanted to get out because I don't want to be that repulsive ex-boyfriend who won't go away. However, as soon as I started to leave she was chasing me out the door and asking me if I had a girlfriend, if I was celibate, what I was doing lately, etc. She gave me candy and acted sweet towards me and it just made me feel low as dirt. The reason being is that I saw through all this attention as just having pity on me, the lonely guy who lost the battle and is trying to move on. I didn't want to ignore her so I just answered her questions honestly and didn't pry into her business one bit. So we said goodbye and I went home feeling like utter * * * * . It just sucks to be pitied by someone that once loved and adore you, its a really sick and churning feeling in my gut that makes me feel worthless. Knowing that she has her newfound happiness with her lover and I'm left to my own devices while still very much missing her company...I don't know, it's just a strangely debilitating circumstance that I've never really experienced before. I don't like that she acts like she still cares when I know she really doesn't, if you know what I mean. Just needed to get that off my chest. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Guilt relief on her part. I wouldn't have answered her questions, but, that was your decision to make. Link to comment
LastMan Posted January 10, 2012 Author Share Posted January 10, 2012 Yeah maybe I should have ignored the questions, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I was so hurt that I refused to talk to her. I just kept it nonchalant and treated her like an old acquaintance. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Which is fine. I guess I'm of the perspective that it's none of their business and they lost the right to know. Part of it is because I see it as building attraction whether I want the person back or not. What you did belies your character and is totally fine. Think of it this way. In all reality she probably didn't pity you but really wanted to know out of either habit or wonder. Someone who pities you doesn't necessarily go about it that way. You handled yourself with dignity and as such don't need to beat yourself up about it. Link to comment
DN Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Don't think of it as pity, but as concern for your well-being. That is better than being despised or hated and she clearly doesn't think badly of you. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Don't think of it as pity, but as concern for your well-being. That is better than being despised or hated and she clearly doesn't think badly of you. I agree with DN. I also want to add that it is a very big sign that she was asking about YOU and not 100% self-absorbed trying to talk to you about her. You're going to pull through this LastMan...I think that your perspective is about to take a big leap. Link to comment
LastMan Posted January 10, 2012 Author Share Posted January 10, 2012 I agree with DN. I also want to add that it is a very big sign that she was asking about YOU and not 100% self-absorbed trying to talk to you about her. You're going to pull through this LastMan...I think that your perspective is about to take a big leap. Oh, don't get me wrong, she still likes to twist the knife here and there. About 2 weeks ago I was at her workplace and she was telling me things like "I have a love life now", as if I wasn't aware. She also said "I feel bad for any girl that ends up with you". I was calm and not reactive but it still stung a bit to think that this woman who I shared my life with would want to hurt me. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 She is just looking to get a rise out of you because you are not giving her any. If you didn't respond to her negativity I am not surprised that she followed suit with some positivity. Different approach same intent: attention from you. Link to comment
LastMan Posted January 10, 2012 Author Share Posted January 10, 2012 She just texted me: "Tell your father that I miss him and (her daughter) misses him too." She's met my father a total of 3 times. I think she's trying to tell me something...not gonna bite though. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.